Working through dilemmas involving values

I don't have any useful answers but just wanted to say that I hear how difficult it is when having to navigate these sorts of dilemmas @CheerBear .

Thank you @frog

@Maggie You seemed pretty on topic to me. Its hard feeling you dont fit in. I have worked so hard at it, that maybe that was part of the problem, and am learning to work less hard at it. Its all a balance. Today some one said I would achieve perfect balance. She was trying to reassure me which was appreciated.

@CheerBear The whole right and wrong duality may be part of the issue. Some things are clear some people have simpler situations and simple rule books. Life is growing ever more complicated. Complicated for parents and kids. I am glad you opened up this topic.

I'm so lonely I have to accept people even when they violently clash with my values. Beggars can't be choosers. If I estranged myself from people who don't share my values I'd be totally isolated and alone.

I'm passionate about endangered habitats, local conservation & revegetation of endangered habitats - endangered plant and animal species. I'm passionate about climate change and conservation, two matters that directly endanger threatened species. No-one give a shit. Not my best friends, not my family, not my less-close friends, not my online friends. No-one I know. My work on these causes is a thankless task & isolating. I'd be very lonely if I cut off people because they don't share my values. The closer the bond the more it hurts when someone doesn't share my values with me - sister, aunt, best friend, friend.

You're very vague @CheerBear about who doesn't share your values. Is it your husband, child or sibling who clashes with your values?

Hi @CheerBear

Just wanted to say that I think I misunderstood what you were saying re dilemmas involving values. Maybe I responded too quickly without thinking it through. Sorry if my response was off the mark/unhelpful. I know it can be annoying when people respond and they just don't get it.

I experience have very little/nothing to do with values clashing between myself and another person or people. That's not an issue for me really. I'm talking about internal conflicts and dilemmas.

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In that case I don't understand what your current problem is. I have a very strong moral compass. My internal feelings are immuatble. When I go against my moral compass I feel remorse. Fast and sharp. I know I'm a good person who is afflicted with psychotic symptoms as a result of trauma, I know it is my responsibility, and no-one else's, to uphold my moral code.

What is the moral code clash you're experiencing. What are you doing/feeling that's wrong... Am I right in assuming this is a parenting issue/marriage issue/family issue? Are you looking for the forum to give you an out...why not just go with what your gut tells you & do the right thing.

^

A ubiquitous albeit imperfect example where it's not so clear-cut is the moral dilemma in the trolley problem. To me it makes 100% sense to have conflicting 'gut' senses of what is right/wrong - both outcomes feel bad and a person feels like they have to decide between bad and also-bad, and the decision is stressful and tormenting in itself.

@TheVorticon Excellent. Thankyou. 👍👍👍👍

Hi @CheerBear

This is an excellent and thought-provoking thread you've started! As you are reflecting, life isn't black-and-white. Thus, it can be 100% normal to tussle within oneself around competing values, needs, ideas, ect. The truth is that sometimes there isn't an ideal solution/the right answer because, no matter how much you introspect, you can continue to find reasons for either choice. Additionally, this is further complicated by the concept of time and how people naturally and sometimes quite adaptively change across time; whereby, one choice may be a better fit verses another at a certain time-point.

It is good to keep discussions like this going - even if there isn't a clear answer. Continued conversations around internal conflict helps us to remain mindful and conscious human beings!

Amour_Et_Psyché