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NikNikSenior Contributor
Hi All,
"Why do you stay?" a common question asked by friends, family and professionals.
This week's Topic Tuesday, we heard from the experts (forum members!) on some of the positives of caring for someone and some of the strategies they use to maintain a positive relationship with the person you care for.
In response to: "Why do you stay?" the triumphs and challenges in maintaining relationships with people we care for. *CLOSED*
JTSenior Contributor
He came kicking and screaming - literally - into my new way of thinking lol. Me taking control, picking my own battles and standing my ground certainly helped him learn that he also needed to step back and do the same. I'd always had a very close relationship with him but it was in danger of exploding so it certainly helped us to mend the bridges and move on. Now we have an excellent relationship, there's more respect for my need for time and he is very open and honest about everything.
In response to: "Why do you stay?" the triumphs and challenges in maintaining relationships with people we care for. *CLOSED*
JTSenior Contributor
Snoo - I asked myself the question is this what I want in 2 years, 5 years, 10 years.
In response to: Snoo - I asked myself the question is this what I want in...
SnooSenior Contributor
Gosh, I'd not thought of it that way before JT!
Can I ask how long did it take for you to change your behaviour and mend the relationship? I'm such a timid person, and I know that I can avoid rocking the boat because I like to avoid conflict. I guess what I'm really asking is how did you stick your ground?
In response to: "Why do you stay?" the triumphs and challenges in maintaining relationships with people we care for. *CLOSED*
-karma-Senior Contributor
Time away from the relationship, allows space for reflection, a chance to put things in perspective and to come back fresh and recharged for the longer journey ahead.
In response to: Time away from the relationship, allows space for reflect...
EagleSenior Contributor
@-karma-Space is definitely important
@JT I like the way you look at it.... separating the person to the illness
In response to: Snoo - I asked myself the question is this what I want in...
-karma-Senior Contributor
I like that 
I think someone made a similar comment, asking themselves are they still on the path to where they want to be headed?
In response to: Gosh, I'd not thought of it that way before JT! Can I as...
JTSenior Contributor
I practiced on my ex husband and booted him out 
Seriously though, it wasn't an easy ride and I did literally pick my battles and worked my way one by one. I hate conflict and confrontation so I know exactly what you mean. I decided what I was willing to ignore, what was negotiable and what I simply wouldn't accept. Slowly the list evolved and when I say slowly it was a rough couple of years. I also reasoned that sometimes it was better for me to just pick myself up and walk out for a while. Set yourself up to succeed not fail.
In response to: Time away from the relationship, allows space for reflect...
CherryBombSenior Contributor
Interesting discussion so far!
So some points I'm picking up on are:
- setting boundaries
- having space to reflect and recharge
- Knowing and being honest about your capabilities
Sounds like self-care is pretty important to maintain a positive relationship.
I'm curious to know of relationships outside of the relationship - what do you say to your friends and or family when they ask - why do you stay?
In response to: I like that :smileyhappy: I think someone made a similar...
JTSenior Contributor
My psych calls it 'sticking to your personal values'.
In response to: Interesting discussion so far! So some points I'm picking...
JTSenior Contributor
Because it's my son rather than a partner I have the unique right to say because I gave birth to him and there's no returns policy. They either laugh or wander off confused.
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Help us push aside the stigma and discrimination surrounding complex mental health and change the way people talk about, and care for, mental illness.
SANE acknowledges the Traditional Owners of Country throughout Australia and recognises the continuing connection to lands, waters and communities. We pay our respect to Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander cultures; and to Elders past and present.
SANE values diversity. We are committed to providing a safe, culturally appropriate, and inclusive service for all people, regardless of their ethnicity, faith, disability, sexuality, or gender identity.
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