Hello dear @Childlike
The problem is my friend that "you won't be able to heal and become inwardly stronger whilst you are around your husband and his abuse". That is the reality. To do the latter you would have to move away from that abuse.
And although I can understand your reluctance to not want to take your sons away from their father - this decision is at your own mental, physical, emotional and spiritual detriment. And very possibly that of your children - your sons run the risk of seeing your tolerance of your husbands disrespect "as the normal way for a man to be - the normal way for a man to treat a woman/wife/partner. This learnt behaviour cou,d jeopardise their own future relationships and happiness - these are the possibilities you really need to think through and evaluate what is the best thing to do that is right for you and the children.
Ofcourse your husband is labelling you as mentally ill (personality disorder) - despite being professionally diagnosed with anxiety; - as that is an excuse to dismiss any credibility and truth in what you are saying to him about his behaviour; by riding you off as irrational, then he does not have to answer to you or have his own bad behaviour questioned. That would mean he would then have to take some responsibility for your condition and would have to work on changing his behaviour. And clearly he does not care enough to do so, so will continue to throw the blame on you for any reason he can find to avoid doing anything about it. Is that the environment you want for yourself and children?
i think if anyone was cheated on and treated with little regard for most of their marriage of 15 yrs, they would be enraged too. That's not your fault - just that you have put up with it for too long. If he doesn't want to be faithful to one person he should not of got married in the first place or remain so. He is not committed enough. But he expects you to do the right thing pfft. I would be angry too. That's using another.
The questions for you to honestly evaluate are : can you ever be happy and heal, be stable and offer a happy, loving healthy home life for yourself and children with the way your husband continues to treat and abuse you? Is that not an unhealthy toxic environment for you and your children? Would you advise other women to stay with their children in a domestic violent home situation? (disrespect, put downs, verbal/psychological abuse, serial cheating is the latter). If so, why? Apply the same values to yourself.
Is your husband truly offering you security and protection by cheating on you, betraying you and putting you down, slowly chipping away at your self confidence, self respect and self esteem? Is he offering you protection by instigating emotional and mental instability in you? Is he offering that for his children by denigrating their mother in front of them? I think not. That is a toxic environment and not one where peace, love, family closeness, happiness and inner growth can be nurtured. Is this the future you want?
These are the hard questions that only you can honestly answer to yourself. And only you can change it. And if and when you decide to we will be there for you. Sending you support, love and hugs 🌷
