I'M WORRIED

Hi @Childlike,

Welcome to the forum and thank you for sharing your story with us.

I'm sure you have a lot more to tell behind this short description of what you went through. Well done on being positive and reach out for more information and support!

I would like to encourage you to try the search bar and type in topics you would like to explore more. For example `depression', `anxiety' that you mentioned. You will be able to find many people are on the same boat and have been sharing their strategies to face situations they have.

I hope you'll find this space warm and welcoming. People are very supportive of each other here!

Have fun at the forum!

Teej.. thanks so much! The part about being helped and hindered makes so much sense to me! I've been really learning about PTSD re infidelity.. alarm bells are really sounding! Gosh, I could have a miriad of personalities. Mind you, so could my children of 23, 11 and 9. Depends on the day, the environment, the mood! Geez. Right now, I'm trying to differentiate with being kind to myself and being selfish!

Thankyou for hearing me

I feel so much pressure to be normal

You know what, growing up I knew I was a bit different to everyone else, and i liked that about myself! Being ok with myself was my strength! That got lost somewhere in the last 15 years.. I just gotta get it back.. I don't rate people so much and never have. the more in honest I am with myself.. the more i truly understand me.. perhaps that I never 'rated' people was my intuition/subconcious/sensitivity - my inner voice... taking care of me!

You've been a comfort

I think you are on the right track childlike ... it seems a bit steep that a fellow who is seriously dishonest within his marriage can then label his wife... it sounds like he is projecting onto you ...dont buy into it .. we are all a bit different ... viva la differerance ...

yes tease out what is being kind to oneself or selfish ... we all want to be the best mother and wife we can be .. but it takes two to tango

Hi @Childlike,

I agree with @Appleblossom. A man who is dishonest and unfaithful has no right to be labeling you! Having your husband be unfaithful to you would be extremely traumatic and may result in you having a range of emotions from anger, fear, regret, sadness and anxiety. I would not jump to any conclusions that this then means you have some kind of mental illness, just because you are emotional.

I think your husband is just trying to deflect negative attention away from himself and his own inadequacies.

If you really think you are not well, then please seek out the help of a G.P. and then a psychologist and have yourself properly assessed by professionals. Then you can get some treatment and begin to feel better.

I remember my ex-partner always pointing the finger at me saying I was "irrational" and "immature" and needed to "grow up". Well... it turns out he was really talking about himself!

When I finally did get professional help from doctors and counsellors, I was stronger and able to make better decisions for myself. Ironically, my ex-partner then turned around and said that I was wasting my time having counselling and that there was nothing wrong with me!! Go figure!

Either I was "irrational" and needed sorting out or else there was nothing wrong with me??? Which one was it; because it could not be both, could it?

Look- some people are just toxic. I am not saying your husband is all bad. But if you do get help and look deeper at your emotional issues you might make some important discoveries about your relationship.

Hi @Childlike. I've been wondering how you are going. I'm so sorry that I haven't shared my story yet but I've chickened out so far. There are similar parallels although quite different in parts as well. I guess the thing that resonates the most is the betrayal. Hoping that you are still around. If you want to chat about it at anytime just add to this thread and tag me. 😊💜

Hi @Childlike

Please don't try to hard to be normal - I really don't know what being normal is like - but I think it would be pretty boring

You have had contradictory comments from the two men in your life - and I have found critical people llike that to be pointing the finger at themselves - and in your case - contradictory comments which are confusing

I am sure if I had one child in their twenties and then 12 and 14 years to the next two I would find myself having to change personalities often just dealing with my kids - that's an interesting mix - I am sure you could say a lot more about all of that

You have a strong inner voice - and of course there has to be conflict between the voice that tells you to take care of yourself and be "selfish" - mmmm - I could write more about that - it's an interesting idea - and also - the contradictory things other people have told you

If you stay here you will find a bunch of people who are not abnormal but not normal either - that's because we are honest and know that we are all individuals battling with all the issues life throws at us

And maybe we care more - about ourselves - other people - our problems - whatever they are - and our health - emotional and physical

So welcome to the forums - people here are busy being themselves

And it is not selfish to take care of yourself - in fact - it is the opposite - how can we take good care of others if we don't take care of ourselves

It's great you are here

Decadian