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I’m really sorry

BlueBaySenior Contributor16 Oct 2019, 11:11 am AEDT

I’m really sorry

@Owlunar @Shaz51 @Gazza75 @Maggie @MDT @Former-Member @Zoe7 @Faith-and-Hope and others I've forgotten

I'm really sorry to everyone here. I think I have a problem and I really need help.
I have an addiction problem with being on here. And also eith social media.

I write on here openly abd honestly. Sometimes I'm so raw with my emotions on here. But the truth is I have no one else I can be like this with. I have nowhere to go to be alone. I have no space except hospital.
I write my thoughts and issues reg my personal journey of my depression anxiety BPD and ptsd. And when I wtite and get a response I write more to get more responses. The more responses I get the more loved I feel.
I feel horrible and embarrassed and ashamed in telling you all. 😢
I'm not an attention seeking person.
hate myself at the moment
Pls don't judge me. 😢 I hope you don't.
I know I have a huge problem.
I try to tell myself that I can have a break fir a while and then I get so worked up get anxious from being awsy that I end up coming back on.
I'm so addicted thst I can't stop.
I'm affected with social media which my dietitian says I need to stop as its affecting me mentally. I see my friends on there and some losing weight. This then gets me into a bad mental state. Even seeing celebrities lose weight makes me mad. This behaviour thst I'm not happy to be doing is on my mind. I feel like I've wrecked everything.
im really sorry I don't even know what I'm saying.
I'm tired I'm very stressed and emotional.

30 replies

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In response to: I’m really sorry

Shaz51Senior Contributor16 Oct 2019, 4:32 pm AEDT

Re: I’m really sorry

Never ever any judgement from me. my sister @BlueBay

your not bothering anyone here xoxo

how is your`s and your daughter`s projet going xx

we have decreased in our jobs and having to think of other ways to survive xx

like today , i cleaned my mum`s house this morning and that is it for the day

In response to: Re: I’m really sorry

AppleblossomSenior Contributor16 Oct 2019, 4:56 pm AEDT

Re: I’m really sorry

@BlueBay

You are so honest and that takes courage. I have posted about my struggle with spending too much time online and manage it mainly by having other things to do. I believe if our family gave support we would not look on here ... but no point blaming them ... if it is not in their nature to give in that way ... it is what it is.

@outlander great suggestions are down to earth .... work through it if is real ... distract if you cant change it .... dont overthink or keep beating yourself up.

Three days work is not bad. Plenty of woman think that is enough, what with the house, cooking and grandchildren. Maybe work on relaxing your expectations of yourself. Different personalities have different strengths ... be kind to you.

In response to: Re: I’m really sorry

BlueBaySenior Contributor16 Oct 2019, 6:40 pm AEDT

Re: I’m really sorry

Thanks @outlander for your suggestions. ❤️
I will get in touch eith the hospital.
@Shaz51 @Appleblossom Thankyou both ❤️❤️

In response to: Re: I’m really sorry

BlueBaySenior Contributor16 Oct 2019, 6:45 pm AEDT

Re: I’m really sorry

Hi @Shaz51

no more projects. I've got all this beautiful material and it's sitting in the cupboard. At the moment I've lost all my passion. I've lost all my enthusiasm and motivation. It's out the door.

In response to: Re: I’m really sorry

AppleblossomSenior Contributor16 Oct 2019, 6:50 pm AEDT

Re: I’m really sorry

Maybe its not the moment to use those things and those talents @BlueBay

Just get yourself through this upcoming employment shift. You have had a lot to manage with house shift, and being a grandmother.

In response to: Re: I’m really sorry

BlueBaySenior Contributor16 Oct 2019, 6:55 pm AEDT

Re: I’m really sorry

Yeah @Appleblossom i even now think it's nit the right time to apply fir wirk. Nit in a good headspace.
I just need to go away have my holiday and the week after hopefully meet the new owner if the store. And fingers crossed I still have a job.
still got my MIL in care with anytime passing away. That's on our mind as well.
I wish I could erase things.

In response to: Re: I’m really sorry

Shaz51Senior Contributor16 Oct 2019, 7:03 pm AEDT

Re: I’m really sorry

one step at a time my sister @BlueBay

In response to: I’m really sorry

BunniekinsSenior Contributor17 Oct 2019, 5:51 am AEDT

Re: I’m really sorry

@BlueBay Hey beautiful lady you have nothing to apologise for. You are a wonderful kind and funny person who the pea loves talking to. You give yourself such a hard time which is not warranted. Be kind to yourself and know we all love you here and you belong here with your online friends. Love always peaxxx

In response to: Re: I’m really sorry

BlueBaySenior Contributor17 Oct 2019, 8:36 am AEDT

Re: I’m really sorry

Thanks @Bunniekins for your kind words ❤️
I just don't know how to be nice and kind to myself

In response to: Re: I’m really sorry

OwlunarSenior Contributor17 Oct 2019, 3:22 pm AEDT

Re: I’m really sorry

Hi @BlueBay

I am so sorry you are having such a hard time - it really is time for you to be kind and care about yourself. Time to be nice to yourself and to find some way to enjoy something

It seems to me you are stuck in a groove and punishing yourself for the abuse you suffered as a child when you were not at all to blame for that. How could you be the cause of it? You were just a little child who had no knowledge of that side of life? The men who abused you were cruel and unprincipled and I dare say have no memory and do not are the least about what they did.

And you keep beating yourself up about it and being so angry - and yes - you do have a right to be angry about it but it is doing you so much damage - it has destroyed your life.

There is only one way out of that and it is to forgive yourself even if you are not ready to forgive those who abused you. I don't know how to help you find that path - that is up to the professional people who help you. Exposure therapy never seemed right to me and you made the choice to leave that behind and that was a great way to help yourself.

But there must be ways to get you to have more care and understanding of yourself - as your inner child yes but now - as an adult - you need to love yourself as you are now.

How much I want that for you.

I know you lack motivation right now and that's not surprising - you have a lot on your plate with your MIL etc - but it's not time to worry about your job right now - as it says in the Bible - "Don't worry about tomorrow's troubles - today has enough of it's own".

Have your holiday first - and don't stuff it up by fretting about things you can't change - you are getting away from this unreliable Melbourne weather to enjoy the Sunshine Coast - it's fantastic up there - be kind to yourself by walking and enjoying the beaches and the sun and be glad not to have to think of the family while you are gone.

I know it's hard but you deserve better than the way you treat yourself - you can't rely on anyone else to do it - we forumites really love you - you can change - you are the only person you can change

And you are not a bother - do you think we would right so many supportive messages if you were a bother? Of course not - we really do care about you and want better for you

Sending lots of love and hugs - they are always available here

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