Thanks for updating us @BlueBay . You have been very honest with your feelings and I am really grateful to read anything from you this morning
You do have choices in your life but it seems you are unable to change anything - but here's a valuble truth - we all need to be loved - it is possibly - probably - our most important need.
I can't see anything wrong with posting here and getting responses - it does fill a need to be cared about, recognized, yes - loved. And the forum is a space for us all, a safe place. It fills many needs in many people and you are not wrong nor bad for being here with us
You don't seem to me to be an attention seeking person, you are lonely - the person who really would be expected to love you the most - your husband - seems to be locked in his own issues and picks on you. Your daughter is being a user atm which is a pest but she can move on - she needs to move on and take her using boyfriend with her. Your sons seem to be fine young men but normally getting on with their lives in a healthy manner.
You are stuck in your past and to me this is a bigger problem than your use of social media. I'm not judging you either - I understand that your BPD is tainting your mind and leads you back into the past and this is really eating you up - imo anything healthy that can lead you away from your thoughts there is good.
And your ED - not something I really understand - is one way you deal with your feelings of being unloved. Whereas social media is something we all use fills your inner life is some ways it doesn't damage your health in any way. Not so about your ED - but then
I have always had a saying: "All things in moderation, including moderation" - which means some thoughts about your past are okay - it's a real part of your life. Some use of social media is okay - it's where you gain recognition and share. Doing things for other people is a good thing but let it not be to the point where you lose yourself.
And moderation is I think the idea that nothing should take away our drive for living our life. I really like the forum - I feel I have contact with people I like when I am sometimes a bit cut off from social life because of chronic pain. Let's have that in moderation too - I get out and about when I can but sometimes I can't.
Imo your negative thinking gets you confused. Thanks for being so honest with your thoughts - they are your thoughts and you are allowed to have them - but I really don't think it's bad to share your thoughts on social media - anymore than you do sharing them with your health professionals. All the people in your life have their place in your life
Don't lose hope BlueBay - I have learned so much from you. I feel concern for you when the world gets so dark and unsafe. But I choose to feel that way - I care about you enough that it's really okay for me to feel such concern.
Try and rest before your holiday. I will tell you this - when I was preparing to visit my gd back in July it was just before the anniversary of my son's death and the day before I was leaving I only had to throw my clothes into my suitcase but I was stuck in a hole and had to ring Life Line twice. I felt really bad.
But it passes - that time of year was easier for me this year and I think this was because I had shared so much with the forum and the responses I received help me to cope with the shadows in my past better - and I didn't feel so alone because I don't share my thoughts about my son's death with anyone in my family either -
We all have our secrets - sharing yours is a valuable gift to us
Dec
