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Topic Tuesday // What can you do when a loved one doesn't want help? // Tues 22 Oct, 7pm AEDT

Unknown userMember24 Sept 2019, 12:50 pm AEST

Topic Tuesday // What can you do when a loved one doesn't want help? // Tues 22 Oct, 7pm AEDT

For this event we have special guest @Former-Member who is the Manager of the SANE Australia Help Centre and supports the counsellors both clinically and operationally. @Former-Member has extensive experience as a counsellor in the Mental Health sector and has worked with both people whom live with mental health issues and their carers or family and friends.

We will be idea and knowledge sharing around tools and reflecting on feelings that can come up for you as the supporter/loved one/carer and balancing your own wellbeing.

Want to receive an email reminder on the night? Hit the 'Support' button below.

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I'm new here - what is Topic Tuesday?

Topic Tuesday runs from 7pm - 9pm AEDT monthly. Each month we focus on a different topic, with the session facilitated by a Community Manager or Moderator. Sometimes Topic Tuesday will feature a special guest, who is an expert in the topic.

The first post of the thread (this one) will give you an idea of what the topic is and what will be covered.

How do I get involved?

Topic Tuesday takes place right here! It's text based, so no software is needed. During the session, to keep up with the latest posts hit the 'refresh' button on your browser for the latest posts (it doesn't automatically update). Keep an eye for page numbers at the top & bottom of the page, and jump to the highest page number for the most recent post.

Throughout the session, the facilitator will put questions out for you to answer, usually asking for your own experience on the topic. To contribute to the session, just hit the 'reply' button and share your thoughts. No answers are right or wrong and everyone is welcome to get involved.

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In response to: Topic Tuesday // What can you do when a loved one doesn't want help? // Tues 22 Oct, 7pm AEDT

outlanderSenior Contributor22 Oct 2019, 7:44 pm AEDT

Re: Topic Tuesday // What can you do when a loved one doesn't want help? // Tues 22 Oct, 7pm AEDT

of course its ok to care for yourself when looking after others! as much as we love them we still need to care for ourselves even the basics like personal hygiene, sleep, some time to rest or to have a cuppa tea. if we don't then we burn out

In response to: Topic Tuesday // What can you do when a loved one doesn't want help? // Tues 22 Oct, 7pm AEDT

AdgeSenior Contributor22 Oct 2019, 7:44 pm AEDT

Re: Topic Tuesday // What can you do when a loved one doesn't want help? // Tues 22 Oct, 7pm AEDT

This is difficult to describe...

It's my Mum (now 76), who has always had my siblings & I "treading on eggshells" (trying not to crack eggs) - around her unpredictable moods & reactions.

My Mum has had very high anxiety for her entire life - yet she mostly denies that she could benefit from help with that, or that she could change.

Mum's anxiety is everyone else's fault - they caused it, according to her. When actually we didin't cause Mum's anxiety, we were just trying to help.

Mum wants to "offload emotionally" on the telephone (with me) every phone call - for over 1 hour to 1 & 1/2 hours.

I live interstate, yet it is extremely difficult to maintain healthy boundaries with my Mum - even over the telephone, at a great distance.

Adge

In response to: Topic Tuesday // What can you do when a loved one doesn't want help? // Tues 22 Oct, 7pm AEDT

Unknown userMember22 Oct 2019, 7:45 pm AEDT

Re: Topic Tuesday // What can you do when a loved one doesn't want help? // Tues 22 Oct, 7pm AEDT

@Shaz51 that is a common experience too. Your own life can be put on hold and friends drift away. I am sorry you have had this experience. It is however important to try and prioritise your own needs, even if that means just doing something small for yourself each day.

In response to: Topic Tuesday // What can you do when a loved one doesn't want help? // Tues 22 Oct, 7pm AEDT

TeejSenior Contributor22 Oct 2019, 7:49 pm AEDT

Re: Topic Tuesday // What can you do when a loved one doesn't want help? // Tues 22 Oct, 7pm AEDT

Hi @light87 👋🏻 and welcome to the forums 😊

i think it is an interesting question @Former-Member between caring and rescuing. I have had the natural inclination to rescue. I tried to rescue my ex and micro managed him to both our detriments. He never had the real intention of working on himself. I enabled him to not take responsibility for his mental health.

Sorry started this message ages ages ago but received a phone call.

In response to: Topic Tuesday // What can you do when a loved one doesn't want help? // Tues 22 Oct, 7pm AEDT

Unknown userMember22 Oct 2019, 7:49 pm AEDT

Re: Topic Tuesday // What can you do when a loved one doesn't want help? // Tues 22 Oct, 7pm AEDT

I like the idea of the pros and cons list @Shaz51 with Mr shaz 👏

In response to: Re: Topic Tuesday // What can you do when a loved one doesn't want help? // Tues 22 Oct, 7pm AEDT

Unknown userMember22 Oct 2019, 7:50 pm AEDT

Re: Topic Tuesday // What can you do when a loved one doesn't want help? // Tues 22 Oct, 7pm AEDT

@Adge I'm sure that experience of walking on egg shells is familiar to others. It's so important to seperate what's your angst and what's in your situation your mum's. I'm glad you raised boundaries. It's important to develop self awareness and know what triggers you. it's not alway best to be confrontational but just make some internal adjustments for yourself. So if you know that you are going to be triggered from a conversation or you need to have a break from chatting on the phone, turn your phone off for a while...if your comfortable doing that.

In response to: Re: Topic Tuesday // What can you do when a loved one doesn't want help? // Tues 22 Oct, 7pm AEDT

Shaz51Senior Contributor22 Oct 2019, 7:50 pm AEDT

Re: Topic Tuesday // What can you do when a loved one doesn't want help? // Tues 22 Oct, 7pm AEDT

trying hard to find a good balance @Former-Member , @Former-Member

I think the biggest hurdle is i can not drive and i have physical problems

I try each day to do a small self care for myself after looking after mr shaz , my mum

and being self employed too

In response to: Re: Topic Tuesday // What can you do when a loved one doesn't want help? // Tues 22 Oct, 7pm AEDT

Unknown userMember22 Oct 2019, 7:51 pm AEDT

Re: Topic Tuesday // What can you do when a loved one doesn't want help? // Tues 22 Oct, 7pm AEDT

That's great insight @Teej that you could develop that self -awareness. What enabled you to see what you were doing?

In response to: Topic Tuesday // What can you do when a loved one doesn't want help? // Tues 22 Oct, 7pm AEDT

Unknown userMember22 Oct 2019, 7:51 pm AEDT

Re: Topic Tuesday // What can you do when a loved one doesn't want help? // Tues 22 Oct, 7pm AEDT

Thanks @Shaz and @Former-Member. It can be really hard to not do something when you also bear consequences of actions or lack of action. About organising boundaries. An ongoing challenge I think.

In response to: Topic Tuesday // What can you do when a loved one doesn't want help? // Tues 22 Oct, 7pm AEDT

Spirit1Casual Contributor22 Oct 2019, 7:52 pm AEDT

Re: Topic Tuesday // What can you do when a loved one doesn't want help? // Tues 22 Oct, 7pm AEDT

Hi everyone,

Thanks for sharing. I’m not feeling so alone. I am the main carer for my brother and wanted to see if anyone had any ideas or ways to show that l am there for him as he is rejecting any help and is very closed.

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