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Topic Tuesday // What can you do when a loved one doesn't want help? // Tues 22 Oct, 7pm AEDT

Unknown userMember24 Sept 2019, 12:50 pm AEST

Topic Tuesday // What can you do when a loved one doesn't want help? // Tues 22 Oct, 7pm AEDT

For this event we have special guest @Former-Member who is the Manager of the SANE Australia Help Centre and supports the counsellors both clinically and operationally. @Former-Member has extensive experience as a counsellor in the Mental Health sector and has worked with both people whom live with mental health issues and their carers or family and friends.

We will be idea and knowledge sharing around tools and reflecting on feelings that can come up for you as the supporter/loved one/carer and balancing your own wellbeing.

Want to receive an email reminder on the night? Hit the 'Support' button below.

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I'm new here - what is Topic Tuesday?

Topic Tuesday runs from 7pm - 9pm AEDT monthly. Each month we focus on a different topic, with the session facilitated by a Community Manager or Moderator. Sometimes Topic Tuesday will feature a special guest, who is an expert in the topic.

The first post of the thread (this one) will give you an idea of what the topic is and what will be covered.

How do I get involved?

Topic Tuesday takes place right here! It's text based, so no software is needed. During the session, to keep up with the latest posts hit the 'refresh' button on your browser for the latest posts (it doesn't automatically update). Keep an eye for page numbers at the top & bottom of the page, and jump to the highest page number for the most recent post.

Throughout the session, the facilitator will put questions out for you to answer, usually asking for your own experience on the topic. To contribute to the session, just hit the 'reply' button and share your thoughts. No answers are right or wrong and everyone is welcome to get involved.

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115 replies

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In response to: Topic Tuesday // What can you do when a loved one doesn't want help? // Tues 22 Oct, 7pm AEDT

Unknown userMember22 Oct 2019, 7:34 pm AEDT

Re: Topic Tuesday // What can you do when a loved one doesn't want help? // Tues 22 Oct, 7pm AEDT

@Shaz Yeah that sounds tricky and difficult to witness. Carers or family members have told me that they feel like their own life becomes a roller coaster and they live the highs and lows of their loved one.

In response to: Topic Tuesday // What can you do when a loved one doesn't want help? // Tues 22 Oct, 7pm AEDT

Unknown userMember22 Oct 2019, 7:37 pm AEDT

Re: Topic Tuesday // What can you do when a loved one doesn't want help? // Tues 22 Oct, 7pm AEDT

Welcome @Former-Member @Adge @outlander

In response to: Re: Topic Tuesday // What can you do when a loved one doesn't want help? // Tues 22 Oct, 7pm AEDT

Shaz51Senior Contributor22 Oct 2019, 7:37 pm AEDT

Re: Topic Tuesday // What can you do when a loved one doesn't want help? // Tues 22 Oct, 7pm AEDT

this is soo true @Former-Member

and this is why it is hard to do our own self care or lookinf after other family members like my elderly mum

hello @Adge , @outlander , @Former-Member , @Former-Member

In response to: Topic Tuesday // What can you do when a loved one doesn't want help? // Tues 22 Oct, 7pm AEDT

outlanderSenior Contributor22 Oct 2019, 7:37 pm AEDT

Re: Topic Tuesday // What can you do when a loved one doesn't want help? // Tues 22 Oct, 7pm AEDT

hi @light87 and welcome

it is hard when our loved ones don't want any help. I hope youll stay after this chat so we can support you on your journey.
if you put an @ before a members name they'll receive a notification from you

In response to: Re: Topic Tuesday // What can you do when a loved one doesn't want help? // Tues 22 Oct, 7pm AEDT

Unknown userMember22 Oct 2019, 7:37 pm AEDT

Re: Topic Tuesday // What can you do when a loved one doesn't want help? // Tues 22 Oct, 7pm AEDT

Sorry for all the confusion with time differences - I wonder if its because daylight savings just started! Anyway - great to have you with us @Former-Member @outlander @Adge !

Lets go to the next question and everyone can dive in 😊

Sometimes while trying to support someone else or go through a process of trying to help someone we can forget our own care. Do people relate to this feeling? Is it okay to still take care of yourself while trying to care for another?

In response to: Re: Topic Tuesday // What can you do when a loved one doesn't want help? // Tues 22 Oct, 7pm AEDT

Unknown userMember22 Oct 2019, 7:39 pm AEDT

Re: Topic Tuesday // What can you do when a loved one doesn't want help? // Tues 22 Oct, 7pm AEDT

Absolutely, it is paramount. You cannot maintain your compassion for a loved one if you are not being kind to yourself. Carers or family and friends sometimes fall into that pattern of putting their life on hold and are convinced that they can only get on with their own life once their loved one is better. It is important that you are your own reference point for your life and that your identity is separate to the person you are concerned for. You can have your own passions and connections and these are really important for you to be able to sustain yourself and remain as resilient as you are.

In response to: Re: Topic Tuesday // What can you do when a loved one doesn't want help? // Tues 22 Oct, 7pm AEDT

outlanderSenior Contributor22 Oct 2019, 7:40 pm AEDT

Re: Topic Tuesday // What can you do when a loved one doesn't want help? // Tues 22 Oct, 7pm AEDT

Feelings that can sometimes come up when trying to help a loved one can be around caring versus rescuing. Have you ever considered how you can still care for your loved one without having to save them?

For me I find that I do try to rescue my loved one however ive also realised I cant. generally my pop mopes around the house when hes worried about something-as he has alzheimers he often doesn't remember that ive explained whatever the situation may be so it just goes round and around. I use to worry when he would mope around but ive also realised that trying to fix it sometimes does more harm then good so I make suggestions to perk him up instead of worrying so much. things he likes such as suggesting he play one of his musical instruments or watch a fave movie or do a word search for example.

In response to: Re: Topic Tuesday // What can you do when a loved one doesn't want help? // Tues 22 Oct, 7pm AEDT

Shaz51Senior Contributor22 Oct 2019, 7:41 pm AEDT

Re: Topic Tuesday // What can you do when a loved one doesn't want help? // Tues 22 Oct, 7pm AEDT

Sometimes while trying to support someone else or go through a process of trying to help someone we can forget our own care. When someone doesn’t want help: Do people relate to this feeling? Is it okay to still take care of yourself while trying to care for another?

ohhh soo easy to forget ourselves @Former-Member , @Former-Member

I have lost friends

In response to: Re: Topic Tuesday // What can you do when a loved one doesn't want help? // Tues 22 Oct, 7pm AEDT

Unknown userMember22 Oct 2019, 7:43 pm AEDT

Re: Topic Tuesday // What can you do when a loved one doesn't want help? // Tues 22 Oct, 7pm AEDT

@outlander I think that it's important to know that we can't fix things but I love your diversion strategies. Distracting Pop with some activities that he enjoys.

In response to: Topic Tuesday // What can you do when a loved one doesn't want help? // Tues 22 Oct, 7pm AEDT

Shaz51Senior Contributor22 Oct 2019, 7:43 pm AEDT

Re: Topic Tuesday // What can you do when a loved one doesn't want help? // Tues 22 Oct, 7pm AEDT

hello @Spirit1

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