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Topic Tuesday // Mental health challenges in parenthood // Tues. 21 June, 7pm AEST

CherryBombSenior Contributor01 June 2016, 10:40 pm AEST

Topic Tuesday // Mental health challenges in parenthood // Tues. 21 June, 7pm AEST

Mental health challenges in parenthood: Speaking the unspeakable

Parenting is challenging. Change can happen in every area of wellbeing: physical, emotional and social, and the impact on daily functioning can be huge. Knowing when and how to speak up about the difficulties of parenting is complex. There are often expectations that define parenthood as something to be enjoyed. But sometimes these expectations don't match reality. Join us this Topic Tuesday with our special guests from PANDA to talk about how to speak the unspeakable.

Two things you can do now:

1. Register as a member of the forums, which enables you to participate in the session

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3. Can't make it? Leave your question below to be answered during the session

83 replies

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In response to: Topic Tuesday // Mental health challenges in parenthood // Tues. 21 June, 7pm AEST

mrkotterSenior Contributor21 June 2016, 7:59 pm AEST

Re: Topic Tuesday // Mental health challenges in parenthood // Tues. 21 June, 7pm AEST

@Lol It must be really tough.

I was talking to some very senior (male) managers in the Australian Federal Police and the NSW Police on this very issue a few weeks back. They both saw how incredibly hard working their part time workers with parenting responsibilities are. They had so much praise for them. One thing they both ensured was that these staff finished promptly at their nominated hours and were able to take time off as needed (sick children, school meeting, pick kids up, whatever). Just the level of respect these guys had for their part time staff was mind blowing.

Maybe you could talk to your manager about having similar arrangements - things are changing in respect of attitudes towards parental responsibilities in the workplace so it is totally possible. Otherwise just call the AFP on them.

In response to: Topic Tuesday // Mental health challenges in parenthood // Tues. 21 June, 7pm AEST

Unknown userMember21 June 2016, 8:01 pm AEST

Re: Topic Tuesday // Mental health challenges in parenthood // Tues. 21 June, 7pm AEST

Hello @Lol. Welcome! It sounds like you've got a lot going on right now. Juggling so many things can be even more overwhelming on our own and you're right that it can be hard to find time for ourselves. Do you have some supportive friends and family around you at the moment?

In response to: Topic Tuesday // Mental health challenges in parenthood // Tues. 21 June, 7pm AEST

AppleblossomSenior Contributor21 June 2016, 8:01 pm AEST

Re: Topic Tuesday // Mental health challenges in parenthood // Tues. 21 June, 7pm AEST

I could not do the battle to get my son to school either @Former-Member

We even slipped through the home schooling cracks. How do I do that? Couldnt there have been a special school bus that came to the house?

I had to find other ways of educating him.

Family help was not there. Also when trying to get help when my girls were little. It was really inadequate for my needs. We had too many issues to cover in an hour. So they kept getting only a slice. I was open, but it was not enough.

Being on this site I am seeing the type of care that others have managed to get but it might be that things have been put in place in the system recently.

In response to: Topic Tuesday // Mental health challenges in parenthood // Tues. 21 June, 7pm AEST

sscContributor21 June 2016, 8:02 pm AEST

Re: Topic Tuesday // Mental health challenges in parenthood // Tues. 21 June, 7pm AEST

@PANDA - a tip that was helpful for me to see the GP was having my husband attend the appointment too. Mostly it was his initiation encouraging me to go, but it also allowed him to voice his concerns and hear the information that I may not have heard/remembered/took in. I think any support person (friend or family) could do that. I have attended a friends medical imaging appointment before because my friend was worried about going and I did not even think that was a strange request - of course I would sit in a room to support my friend! I think we have to remember that asking a friend for help is usually met with support (because when you're of sound mind, if the tables were turned you would do that for your friend)

In response to: Topic Tuesday // Mental health challenges in parenthood // Tues. 21 June, 7pm AEST

PANDASenior Contributor21 June 2016, 8:04 pm AEST

Re: Topic Tuesday // Mental health challenges in parenthood // Tues. 21 June, 7pm AEST

Hi @Lol thanks for joining the conversation. It is amazing how much we expect of ourselves as parents. How does anyone juggle family and part time work (with a full-time workload) without an extended family/ community. It has become such a common expectation that we seem surprised when it feels impossible.

The thing is it is. We all have a breaking point. As parents we need to be available (emotionally and physically) to our children and this will always take priority. What's left is ofen not enough to sustain us.

All the regular suggestions of getting fresh air, eating well and engaging in regular exercise come to mind as ways to care for yourself. I also get a sense that these are hard to do when exhausted. Who can relate to this? Any suggestions?

In response to: Topic Tuesday // Mental health challenges in parenthood // Tues. 21 June, 7pm AEST

SquirrelSenior Contributor21 June 2016, 8:06 pm AEST

Re: Topic Tuesday // Mental health challenges in parenthood // Tues. 21 June, 7pm AEST

@Former-Member I can imagine he is angry at his situation as having a MI is so debilitating. When you have to learn and be held accountable as you are at school it is exhausting on top of trying to keep on top. Allow him to stumble and trip and let him know you will catch him. The rules all change when your child has a MI in the same way it would if they had a medically obvious condition such as a broken leg. If you can facilitate his needs with his school then you may start to feel like they are on the same page and can work with you as his parent for him to succeed with his schooling. Flexibility is required in all areas of managing mental illness don’t you think? Allow the school to take care of his education by keeping them informed. Meet with the principal, email his teachers directly and talk about his situation at parent teacher evenings. Discuss alternatives to mainstream assessment requirements. Once you have the school on board they can share the load with you. Are you parenting alone or do you have the support of a partner? Are you managing other children at the same time?

In response to: Re: Topic Tuesday // Mental health challenges in parenthood // Tues. 21 June, 7pm AEST

PANDASenior Contributor21 June 2016, 8:07 pm AEST

Re: Topic Tuesday // Mental health challenges in parenthood // Tues. 21 June, 7pm AEST

Such a great suggestion @ssc. Having a friend or family member attend an appointment with you can help on so many levels. I really love your rationale too! "If the tables were turned you would do that for your friend!" Good to remember if you are feeling uncertain about sharing concerns with a friend.

In response to: Re: Topic Tuesday // Mental health challenges in parenthood // Tues. 21 June, 7pm AEST

mrkotterSenior Contributor21 June 2016, 8:09 pm AEST

Re: Topic Tuesday // Mental health challenges in parenthood // Tues. 21 June, 7pm AEST

@PANDA wrote:

All the regular suggestions of getting fresh air, eating well and engaging in regular exercise come to mind as ways to care for yourself. I also get a sense that these are hard to do when exhausted. Who can relate to this? Any suggestions?

I don't know how people with parenting responsibilities do it. I just don't. I push, on average, 50 hour weeks, regular travel for work and I don't know how I make it work. Add in kids? Nope, wouldn't work, not enough hours in a week.

I find being totally organised helps - be your own warrant officer. Shop once a week so you eat healthy, set time for exercise (morning is generally better for people with a mental illness) and a fixed bed time. And to-do lists and calendars everywhere.

In response to: Topic Tuesday // Mental health challenges in parenthood // Tues. 21 June, 7pm AEST

LolNew Contributor21 June 2016, 8:11 pm AEST

Re: Topic Tuesday // Mental health challenges in parenthood // Tues. 21 June, 7pm AEST

In response to: Topic Tuesday // Mental health challenges in parenthood // Tues. 21 June, 7pm AEST

Unknown userMember21 June 2016, 8:11 pm AEST

Re: Topic Tuesday // Mental health challenges in parenthood // Tues. 21 June, 7pm AEST

I am parenting alone. He has three older siblings who all live away from home. I had support from his oldest brother who was a good support for me but he is studying overseas for 12 months. Since he left the wheels have come off a fair bit. Thanks for the advice re school. I think I need to find the courage to talk to them more.

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