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A long rave

A long rave

Edit Feb 2018: This thread has evolved into a chat thread, which is fine by me. In addition, I encourage other members to feel free to post their own 'long raves' in here too if wished. I will continue to post my own longer raves from time to time, as well as chat with friends along the way.

Original post from May 2016:

First of all, a (very) long post alert. Please don't feel obliged to read or respond. Mainly I am writing today to clear my own head of some things. So, here goes...

Last week, I managed to get to all planned appointments and activities every day of the week except Sunday. That only amounts to one, maximum two, per day, but was an improvement on previous weeks and months. I've made all planned appointments in a week before, but there have not been so many appointments in so many days consecutively. Many of you will know that, prior to about mid last year, I spent years very rarely leaving the flat. This was since the last of my breakdowns from paid employment in 2008 (one of so many similar breakdowns from paid working, though none as devastating in consequence as this last one). With each of these breakdowns, the recovery time got longer and longer. It's taken eight years to recover much at all this time around.

This week, so far, I've made none of my appointments or activities. In fact, I've not showered for days. Embarrassing to admit but maybe helpful to own up to it. As I write I'm still in what I wore to bed, as I was all day yesterday and the day before. The weird thing is that I don't feel that bad in my emotions, just crashed out physically and lacking almost all motivation except to use the computer. In other words, my mind and fingertips are alert and active, in fact nervy and overactive as usual, but the rest of me is crashed out. Perhaps I have entered what some people call a bipolar 'mixed state'. Whatever the terminology, this is where I am and I've been here so many times before.

The way I see it, there are a number of possible reasons for the way I am after last week:

  • inner conflict about how helpful my psychologist treatment is for me (saw her on Friday);
  • trying to further reduce my tobacco intake (the struggle seems disproportionately huge and exhausting);
  • needing recovery time from a big week (by my standards);
  • simply another manifestation of bipolar disorder in me.

Regarding the psychologist. She is young compared to me and I have the feeling that she may not grasp the full extent of my situation, partly through lack of life experience. Perhaps she may particularly lack an understanding of the various physical ailments that complicate things with me, some age-related (menopause, musculo-skeletal problems), one of them a chronic illness (crohns disease). She is treating me with some techniques from Dialectical Behavioural Therapy, something I honestly have never liked the sound of when I've read about it. The main 'homework' I have for this four week period is a sheet I am meant to fill out every night covering various things including tobacco use, coffee intake, isolating, unbalance eating, sleep patterns, lack of exercise. The sheet also includes sections monitoring mood every day. The problem I find is that monitoring and (by implication) tackling all these things at once is just overwhelming. I am significantly depressed after filling out the form because it seems to highlight all the ways I am failing rather than the ways I am succeeding. The psychologist has given me this sheet as homework once before and it had the same effect on me then. A full month long slump into depression is what followed. This sheet makes me feel very pressured to recover quickly from all of these things at once, a message that contradicts the advice of my psychiatrist (who I trust much more). His advice is to take it slowly and steadily and not feel rushed. As of yesterday, I stopped using the DBT form altogether. I am even considering giving up on the therapy with this psychologist after my next (sixth) session instead of seeing it through to the ten sessions my GP is willing to refer me for.

With the difficulty of further tobacco reduction, I am succeeding in reducing this a little more but the effort is gargantuan and seems to be sapping all the strength I have for making it out the door to my activities and appointments (or even to get dressed and showered). Writing here is just about the only thing that is distracting me from smoking again or thinking about it obsessively.

I've run out of steam on writing about it all now (a huge sigh of relief from any readers at this point).

I wonder if anyone else can make any sense of this.

27230 replies

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In response to: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Rant away, @eth, as you feel the need to. How frustrating with your child and their partner. I get what you are saying about the contradiction going on there. Sometimes, doing what you have done by taking a bit of distance, is the only way to set different boundaries. Hope things improve there for you sooner rather than later. On the other hand, it's wonderful to hear your positive feelings about bro and sil.

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Hi @Teej, good to 'feel' you around here this morning. How are you going this morning? ox

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Hi @Mazarita, @eth 👋

ive had a quick check in over the past few days but today wanted to let you know I’m there with you. It sounds like you are going through a really frustrating time Maz. Med changes are such a ride. I hope the new one is better. Really glad you are seeing your psych this afternoon and hoping that helps.

Eth i read with some sadness about your child. It certainly doesn’t seem fair. I’m hoping some distance will help a bit but understand the hurt missing your grandchild.

Im ok, much better than the last few weeks. Today I’m on go slow too although uncannily enough writing on here and reading has helped lift this mornings fog a bit.

I just had a gripe on the phone to my friend about my kids too but mine is just frustration, partly at me but at them too. Teaching young adults who think they’re invincible important life lessons is hard. There are big consequences for my youngest who thought he was bulletproof. I had talked to him about the need to take out private health insurance in case he hurt himself playing sport. Second game of the year he hurt himself, didn’t follow it up. Had an mri and has high grade tear of his acl. He needs to be physically fit for work and this will impact him. It’s counted as elective surgery in the public system, possibly up to a 2 year wait. But feeling like I’m whinging about nothing really, just frustration and feeling for him. It’s a lesson learned the hard way. Hoping his brother will take note and follow up on it.

Anyway I’m putting my big girl pants on to go out with my friend soon to see a movie. I am doing better than the last month but have a long way to go.

💜🤗

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

@Mazarita your post just came thru' after 18 min. So notifications are lagging. Thanks for your support, it means a lot. I just messaged my kidult and said I was having skype withdrawals but respecting their space, they said me too. So it's still a mexican standoff. I won't say anything else until they ring or skype me I've decided. A shame I can't support them in their pregnancy (~20 weeks now) or see my grand daughter. But it's always been me making the first move and I'm over it. They also have said if I came to visit them again I would have to stay in a motel. Ah - NO!! $$$ I earn less than they do. And can't transport alone. So I'd be sitting there hoping they'd visit me after travelling specifically to see them. They also won't let me mention NDIS stuff and you know how much of my life is dealing with that currently. I don't want to sound like I'm dependent on them or a nagging controlling type of Mum, but just occasionally the relationship needs to work for me too, not just controlled in every way by them. So much for rant over!! It helps to write about it, no need to respond really. Just suffice to say I feel @Former-Member's situation (which may have changed since I last caught up with her).

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Really glad to hear you're feeling better lately @Teej. Hope you enjoy your movie

Sorry to hear about your son's knee injury. There's only so much we can do for them, hey?

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

@eth, I noticed that I got a 'like' from you in email after 22 minutes lag. Good timing though because I went off and got washed and dressed for my appointment between posts. Having some nasty trouble with the bottom end this morning, bad pain. But, after 18 months of frustrating specialist appointments and tests with no treatment in sight, I've given up on the medical possibilities for now.

Does your child and their partner live in a small place? Why the 'no staying' announcement? Sounds pretty horrible. Having said that, I also find a place for mum to stay when she comes up here, but within walking distance of our place, and am there every day when she visits. But that's mainly because this flat is just too small for anyone to stay more than a night really. I find it very frustrating that you are not able to talk about the NDIS with them. Why not?

@Teej, glad to hear you are a bit better than you have been. Thanks for your good wishes. Interesting to read that the forum can sometimes help clear your morning fog too. Ah yes, the invincibility of youth. Hope there's a good outcome in the end there. Two year wait is terrible. I don't feel like you are whinging about nothing but that's how I feel sometimes too!

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Woops, just realised I have to fly out the door. Sorry for the sudden departure. Time has got the better of me! @eth @Teej

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

@eth, @Teej, doh, moment of panic for nothing. I have half an hour before I need to leave! Head got a bit scrambled for a moment there!

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Hope it goes well @Mazarita

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

@eth Yes there is only so much we can do for them. I really really hope your child thinks through this a bit more. I think the hard part is sometimes it takes a long time for people to really understand relationships, especially close ones. Maybe giving them some time to think through this might be ok. I’m watching the difference between all the young ones around me, some seem to have a good understanding and some haven’t a clue. I don’t think being a mother will ever get any easier.

Like Maz said I’m so grateful that you are experiencing a really good relationship with your brother and Sil. Having said that I really feel for you in this situation. I hope so much that the relationship repairs in a healthier way. It did also remind me a bit of niquas situation. I’ve recently heard from a friend about an acquaintance of hers going through something similar. I think it’s really self respecting and brave to take a stand to work through it.

take care 💜🤗

ps I’m not usually one to flag a thread but I’ve written a bit about some of the stuff I’ve been going through on the walking on the road to recovery thread. I am not looking for a response at all but I personally like reading about others experiences so if you want it’s there.....and heads up it’s long. I started posting on Friday but have taken a break for a bit, there’s more to come of what I’ve been discovering. I am really fine for you not to read it either it’s more of a heads up, and also for you Maz.

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