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A long rave

A long rave

Edit Feb 2018: This thread has evolved into a chat thread, which is fine by me. In addition, I encourage other members to feel free to post their own 'long raves' in here too if wished. I will continue to post my own longer raves from time to time, as well as chat with friends along the way.

Original post from May 2016:

First of all, a (very) long post alert. Please don't feel obliged to read or respond. Mainly I am writing today to clear my own head of some things. So, here goes...

Last week, I managed to get to all planned appointments and activities every day of the week except Sunday. That only amounts to one, maximum two, per day, but was an improvement on previous weeks and months. I've made all planned appointments in a week before, but there have not been so many appointments in so many days consecutively. Many of you will know that, prior to about mid last year, I spent years very rarely leaving the flat. This was since the last of my breakdowns from paid employment in 2008 (one of so many similar breakdowns from paid working, though none as devastating in consequence as this last one). With each of these breakdowns, the recovery time got longer and longer. It's taken eight years to recover much at all this time around.

This week, so far, I've made none of my appointments or activities. In fact, I've not showered for days. Embarrassing to admit but maybe helpful to own up to it. As I write I'm still in what I wore to bed, as I was all day yesterday and the day before. The weird thing is that I don't feel that bad in my emotions, just crashed out physically and lacking almost all motivation except to use the computer. In other words, my mind and fingertips are alert and active, in fact nervy and overactive as usual, but the rest of me is crashed out. Perhaps I have entered what some people call a bipolar 'mixed state'. Whatever the terminology, this is where I am and I've been here so many times before.

The way I see it, there are a number of possible reasons for the way I am after last week:

  • inner conflict about how helpful my psychologist treatment is for me (saw her on Friday);
  • trying to further reduce my tobacco intake (the struggle seems disproportionately huge and exhausting);
  • needing recovery time from a big week (by my standards);
  • simply another manifestation of bipolar disorder in me.

Regarding the psychologist. She is young compared to me and I have the feeling that she may not grasp the full extent of my situation, partly through lack of life experience. Perhaps she may particularly lack an understanding of the various physical ailments that complicate things with me, some age-related (menopause, musculo-skeletal problems), one of them a chronic illness (crohns disease). She is treating me with some techniques from Dialectical Behavioural Therapy, something I honestly have never liked the sound of when I've read about it. The main 'homework' I have for this four week period is a sheet I am meant to fill out every night covering various things including tobacco use, coffee intake, isolating, unbalance eating, sleep patterns, lack of exercise. The sheet also includes sections monitoring mood every day. The problem I find is that monitoring and (by implication) tackling all these things at once is just overwhelming. I am significantly depressed after filling out the form because it seems to highlight all the ways I am failing rather than the ways I am succeeding. The psychologist has given me this sheet as homework once before and it had the same effect on me then. A full month long slump into depression is what followed. This sheet makes me feel very pressured to recover quickly from all of these things at once, a message that contradicts the advice of my psychiatrist (who I trust much more). His advice is to take it slowly and steadily and not feel rushed. As of yesterday, I stopped using the DBT form altogether. I am even considering giving up on the therapy with this psychologist after my next (sixth) session instead of seeing it through to the ten sessions my GP is willing to refer me for.

With the difficulty of further tobacco reduction, I am succeeding in reducing this a little more but the effort is gargantuan and seems to be sapping all the strength I have for making it out the door to my activities and appointments (or even to get dressed and showered). Writing here is just about the only thing that is distracting me from smoking again or thinking about it obsessively.

I've run out of steam on writing about it all now (a huge sigh of relief from any readers at this point).

I wonder if anyone else can make any sense of this.

27230 replies

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In response to: A long rave

Re: A long and self indulgent rave

Hi @Former-Member, just a quick word about journalling. I too get a bit overwhelmed trying to cover all the happenings in my life. One thing that helped, which surprised me, was to simply make a list of things on your mind,, like a chapter heading, a kind of contents page to come back to & expand later if you want. It surprised me how this still helped. Just a thought.
Thanks for being here 🌻

In response to: Re: A long and self indulgent rave

Re: A long and self indulgent rave

Reviving this old thread because I have another long and self indulgent rave I need to get out of my system. As with the first one, please don't feel obliged to read or respond. I am mainly writing to clear my head of things and the forum seems the best space to do that.

Let me start now and work backwards. I am feeling down and frustrated. I am in the process of working on a tiny, small-paid video-making job. It's all being done over the internet between here and the US. The director of the project is being a bit demanding and I'm feeling pressured out of my comfort zone. I didn't even really want to take this job when she offered it to me. I tried to say no. She talked me into it, encouraging me to believe that, having seen my other videos, she knew I could do it and really wanted me. The job involves producing something I've never done before and I'm feeling somewhat out of my depth. Because it is a paid job, my anxiety levels are much higher than usual. I have some kind of aversion to being paid for what I do. Somehow it seems to mean that nothing I could ever do would be good enough. I've had this problem in every single job or piece of paid work I've ever done. This work may go on like this for another 3 weeks and already it's starting to make me feel sick. I haven't done any paid work at all since 2008. I have a long history of multiple breakdowns in paid employment.

Aside from that, I had a bad time with my companion last night. Sometimes he gets into moods where he is very blokey, swears and blasphemes a lot, and talks in a loud, manic way about his imaginary second reality. He's not diagnosed with any mental health conditions and most times he is the kindest person. He's also functional enough to have a part-time job in a social service industry. I accept his sometimes strange behaviours, as he accepts mine. But I often feel a bit emotionally battered when he goes on these loud raves about his imaginary life in another dimension, all peppered with harsh, blokey obscenities, which are often quite extreme. Not just regular swear words but taken to the edge and beyond. He also laughs in a manic way when he gets into these states. Last night in the car on the way home, I snapped at him when he started raving loudly to me while driving. I'm very nervous in cars and I didn't feel safe with him driving in that state. But he's also very sensitive, was surprised by my tone, and I think it hurt his feelings. And now I feel bad about that too, because we very rarely have much discord these days really. He'll never say if I've upset him, or answer honestly if I ask him, which leaves me in paranoia land about how he's feeling. And he doesn't see his rough behaviour as unkind towards me, even though I have told him it affects me that way so many times. He just sees it as him being allowed to 'say it as he wants'. I don't know how to shield myself from these loud, raving monologues. I experience them as aggressive and disturbing.

There are other things getting me down too. I'm still deaf in one ear from a nasty cold that started about 10 days ago. Coughing wildly and explosively at times with a rattling, wheezing chest. I do get the rattle, wheeze and cough chronically unfortunately, but since the cold it's a fair bit worse. Had a doctor's appointment today but cancelled because I don't feel well enough to catch the bus there and walk the kilometre or so to get to the clinic. It's been raining and may do again. Also cancelled a get-together with a friend I already cancelled on Tuesday. It's embarrassing how much I've cancelled on her over more than a year. Mostly I try to celebrate the 'wins' but today I feel a bit hopeless. Still in my nightie at midday.

Also, my sleep patterns are getting even more out of whack than usual. But that's enough for one rave. Thanks if you read this far.

In response to: A long rave

Re: A long and self indulgent rave

Have read this @Mazarita and will respond later. Sending hugs 💜🤗

In response to: Re: A long and self indulgent rave

Re: A long and self indulgent rave

Thanks @Former-Member.

In response to: A long rave

Re: A long and self indulgent rave

Hi @Mazarita. I'm sorry to hear you're facing these challenges at the moment. I can't offer much more than sending my thoughts and best wishes to you and hopes that things will become easier for you soon. I hope by writing some of it out and sharing, your head feels that bit clearer now. Thinking of you 💛

In response to: Re: A long and self indulgent rave

Re: A long and self indulgent rave

Hugs @Mazarita, so much going on 😞 I think it was ok for you to have been cross at companion last night and if you look at past times does it help to think about it having worked out again and been ok? As in, he will be ok and 'get over it' in rough terms? It sounds a bit frightening when he is in those states.
The job stress sounds awful, and you have a lot of insight into it, though doesnt change the predicament and i dont have any advice, but here reading, and caring,
lj

In response to: Re: A long and self indulgent rave

Re: A long and self indulgent rave

Thanks for reading and responding, @CheerBear and @Former-Member.

In response to: A long rave

Re: A long and self indulgent rave

My brain isn't working all that well @Mazarita but here's my thoughts on the first part. What would you lose by being upfront with her about your mi and how you work best? The money part is hard but I get that. The few websites I've built I couldn't take money either. But I was wondering if you told her about your mi that she has two choices. One is to decide not to continue the work with you but you've already got her validation by choosing you over others and it relieves you of a huge pressure. The other is she could take into consideration your needs and work with you better in a way that you may be able to complete the project without any further detriment to your mental health.
Part two I'll get to a bit later. I hope this helps.
More hugs 💜🤗

In response to: Re: A long and self indulgent rave

Re: A long and self indulgent rave

Thanks again, @Former-Member. I'll ponder that. For now, I'm just pressing slowly ahead with it but taking lots of breaks. This feeling on anxiety may go up and down and I may yet be able to manage it. Might just mean a few whinging posts along the way.

In response to: A long rave

Re: A long and self indulgent rave

Do you have a deadline on it @Mazarita? Is that adding pressure? And for what it's worth I know it would be hard to have that discussion too. Its good your taking lots of breaks . I feel that it's such a double edged sword for you as it feels like you want it to work out but are worried about it too. Take good care of you 💜🤗
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