FORUMS

Connect with people who understand what you are going through, seek advice and surround yourself with support. We're free, anonymous, and professionally moderated 24/7.

  • 47,612Members
  • 1,358,869Posts
  • 1,400,000Visitors
Our stories

A long rave

A long rave

Edit Feb 2018: This thread has evolved into a chat thread, which is fine by me. In addition, I encourage other members to feel free to post their own 'long raves' in here too if wished. I will continue to post my own longer raves from time to time, as well as chat with friends along the way.

Original post from May 2016:

First of all, a (very) long post alert. Please don't feel obliged to read or respond. Mainly I am writing today to clear my own head of some things. So, here goes...

Last week, I managed to get to all planned appointments and activities every day of the week except Sunday. That only amounts to one, maximum two, per day, but was an improvement on previous weeks and months. I've made all planned appointments in a week before, but there have not been so many appointments in so many days consecutively. Many of you will know that, prior to about mid last year, I spent years very rarely leaving the flat. This was since the last of my breakdowns from paid employment in 2008 (one of so many similar breakdowns from paid working, though none as devastating in consequence as this last one). With each of these breakdowns, the recovery time got longer and longer. It's taken eight years to recover much at all this time around.

This week, so far, I've made none of my appointments or activities. In fact, I've not showered for days. Embarrassing to admit but maybe helpful to own up to it. As I write I'm still in what I wore to bed, as I was all day yesterday and the day before. The weird thing is that I don't feel that bad in my emotions, just crashed out physically and lacking almost all motivation except to use the computer. In other words, my mind and fingertips are alert and active, in fact nervy and overactive as usual, but the rest of me is crashed out. Perhaps I have entered what some people call a bipolar 'mixed state'. Whatever the terminology, this is where I am and I've been here so many times before.

The way I see it, there are a number of possible reasons for the way I am after last week:

  • inner conflict about how helpful my psychologist treatment is for me (saw her on Friday);
  • trying to further reduce my tobacco intake (the struggle seems disproportionately huge and exhausting);
  • needing recovery time from a big week (by my standards);
  • simply another manifestation of bipolar disorder in me.

Regarding the psychologist. She is young compared to me and I have the feeling that she may not grasp the full extent of my situation, partly through lack of life experience. Perhaps she may particularly lack an understanding of the various physical ailments that complicate things with me, some age-related (menopause, musculo-skeletal problems), one of them a chronic illness (crohns disease). She is treating me with some techniques from Dialectical Behavioural Therapy, something I honestly have never liked the sound of when I've read about it. The main 'homework' I have for this four week period is a sheet I am meant to fill out every night covering various things including tobacco use, coffee intake, isolating, unbalance eating, sleep patterns, lack of exercise. The sheet also includes sections monitoring mood every day. The problem I find is that monitoring and (by implication) tackling all these things at once is just overwhelming. I am significantly depressed after filling out the form because it seems to highlight all the ways I am failing rather than the ways I am succeeding. The psychologist has given me this sheet as homework once before and it had the same effect on me then. A full month long slump into depression is what followed. This sheet makes me feel very pressured to recover quickly from all of these things at once, a message that contradicts the advice of my psychiatrist (who I trust much more). His advice is to take it slowly and steadily and not feel rushed. As of yesterday, I stopped using the DBT form altogether. I am even considering giving up on the therapy with this psychologist after my next (sixth) session instead of seeing it through to the ten sessions my GP is willing to refer me for.

With the difficulty of further tobacco reduction, I am succeeding in reducing this a little more but the effort is gargantuan and seems to be sapping all the strength I have for making it out the door to my activities and appointments (or even to get dressed and showered). Writing here is just about the only thing that is distracting me from smoking again or thinking about it obsessively.

I've run out of steam on writing about it all now (a huge sigh of relief from any readers at this point).

I wonder if anyone else can make any sense of this.

27230 replies

51 - 60 of 27,230
1...567...2,723

In response to: A long rave

Re: A long and self indulgent rave

@Former-Member, there is a deadline of about 3 weeks away (maybe slightly less, need to sort out the exact date). My mum is coming for a week during this time and I want to give her all my attention. So that really just leaves ten days to two weeks to get it done. Having said that, I can see that I may do some of it during the time mum is here. I need to take breaks from her too so maybe that will sometimes be video making breaks. It's really a very small project. It's just that all the tiny details have to be pretty spot-on. There's a range of other things that are worrying my mind about it. But I still think it will probably work out in the end. Even if she doesn't use it. I'd like to complete this project really. Seems important for my self esteem. I think.

In response to: A long rave

Re: A long and self indulgent rave

Good for you @Mazarita. Onwards and upwards then and tell self doubts to rack off cos their not helping....almost quoted straight from my therapist yesterday 😘


The second part for me is messier because we absorb it all. I absorb any males aggression even my owns boys and even if they don't see it as aggressive. Anything out side my comfort zone sets all my alarm bells off and runs my anxiety and insecurities high. I think unpredictable behaviour would too. I think it's ok for him to know how it affects you. If he is hurt by your reaction it's ok too. He needs to know that regardless of intentions his behaviour can affect others. May be this is just a wake up call for him. I'm sorry you can't have this conversation with him. Hoping it will get better. More hugs. I seem to have lots spare today 💜🤗

In response to: Re: A long and self indulgent rave

Re: A long and self indulgent rave

Hi @Mazarita

I caught the dreaded lurgy from my son so I feel I fit in here!

I think it is great you are doing the job. Stich it out, but let her know ways to "get more out of you" by going with you rather than just being demanding.

I understand about your self doubts, creativity and being paid issues. I do not believe that the world rewards financially according to effort or talent. Dont talk yourself out of getting paid though. You do deserve some recognition.

I think getting a little snappy often happens when being stretched, and add the stressor of driving to the mix makes sense.

I tended to ruminate and self judge a lot if I did that kind of thing, but in the broader scheme of things some off the cuff reacting is human. If we were so self-controlled that it never happened.

@Former-Member has a point about people learning that their behaviour in closy proximity to others will effect others. As parents we see that a lot and try and let our kids get the idea gradually. There are physical space issues we all need to learn. Think of it as learning skills and knowledge rather than about being being good or bad or caring or hurting ...

My son has some behaviours like that. It can be a very male testosterone thing. Though SNAG Sensitive New age guys are acceptable and good inside the house. I give permission for that boisterous behaviour. I know that lots of people need to express in that way, but include "please, give me space" kind of thing ...

Thats why the sport thing can be great tool of parenting or acculturation

or go to a place like the Grampians and sign to each other from different hill tops ...

He can holler as loud as he likes ... you can wave ...not make a peep .. but plenty of space in between ???

or subway tunnels .. and get some echo going .. lol

Not talking about stuff does increase paranoia ... generally speaking.... which is one reason why I decided to be boringly pedantic about somethings .. (seen much paranoia related issues)... so try and raise it in ways that DE-ESCALATE ... I was frightened of any conflict ... but over a lot of time .. some conflict is natural.

So glad you are back. I feel fond of your bloke and your relationship... No rivalry just friends, cos known about you both for a while.

Cheers .. you can afford a little whinge in the economy of +ve & -ve posts ...

Dont worry .. Good Luck with it all.

Apple

In response to: Re: A long and self indulgent rave

Re: A long and self indulgent rave

@Former-Member, yes, I am sensitive to aggressive energy too. It comes first of all from my childhood and I get triggered back there pretty easily. I can imagine you have faced some challenges with that, bringing up boys. It's hard to talk to him about it because he seems compelled to speak in this way sporadically. It's been a part of our interractions for 14 years of living together, and regularly occurs. At least once a week at the moment, has been much more, other times much less. When we first started sharing a flat it really kind of freaked me out. But, as @Former-Member said, it does help to know now that most of the time things are okay and we get along very well. Only problem is these episodes affect me for much longer than the time they took place. Like I'm still feeling bruised by it today. I guess that's my past trauma coming into play there.

In response to: Re: A long and self indulgent rave

Re: A long and self indulgent rave

Welcome to lurgy central, @Appleblossom! Hope yours racks off quickly. Thanks so much for the wonderful response that I will be coming back to read again. It makes me smile that you are fond of us both. There is so much that is lovable in him! You have indeed known us over some time now. I especially like your de-escalating advice. That's something I've had to learn to whatever extent I now practise it. Was rather an escalator earlier on. I like too the proviso that getting short with people sometimes is only human.

With the vid, the director is really pleasant to deal with. It's more that it's becoming clear to me what extreme attention to detail I am going to need for this one. So the pressure is applied mostly internally.

Anyway, worry has eased for the responses here from you and others. Thanks again!

In response to: A long rave

Re: A long and self indulgent rave

@Mazarita ♥♥♥
Lots of self care tonight.

In response to: Re: A long and self indulgent rave

Re: A long and self indulgent rave

Thanks, @utopia. Doing the best I can, which is not great today. Tears and mood swings but still working on the vid. It's giving me something productive to focus my attention on for the time I am doing it at least. Will try to get into bed early tonight.

In response to: A long rave

Re: A long and self indulgent rave

Hi @Mazarita I can really relate to you being so affected by your companions 'rants' ..... when my husband is angry, tense or raises his voice it scares the hell out of me and I cower inside. Stems from childhood trauma. It really really affects me to the point I can barely talk and feel shaky inside. Times like that I am so incredibly emotionally vulnerable and fragile,

As for the job.... batten down the hatches and do what you can.... maybe make a timeline of what to do when do it leaves you plenty of time at the end? I love a good to do list

In response to: Re: A long and self indulgent rave

Re: A long and self indulgent rave

Thanks, @Ayesha. My moods have been doing swings and roundabouts today. The bipolar makes us more susceptible to being rocked by other people's feelings, I think. And, yes, I agree it stems from childhood trauma as well. I get wobbly too and have to be careful with my physical movements on days like today. I relate about feeling emotionally very vulnerable. Anyway, we had a bit of a talk about it tonight and things feel smoother between us at present. That's what it's usually like, luckily. The job will be okay, one way or another, even if I fail at it. At least I will have tried. How are you travelling at the moment? Hope you get restful sleep tonight.

In response to: Re: A long and self indulgent rave

Re: A long and self indulgent rave

Very depressed today after finding out last night that the rental flat I live in is about to be sold. Been through this nightmare before, hate that I have to go through it again. I have a GP appointment at 3.30pm but am struggling to get in the shower to make it there. Need to go. Need the shower because I haven't had one for days (won't say how many, too embarrassing). Feel frozen. Anxiety hit me last night, heavy depression today. Slept from 10pm last night until after midday. Just kept going back to sleep to escape the overwhelming feelings of dread inside. Hordes of people about to enter the flat soon, every day of the week for six days from 12 May and then every Saturday after that until the flat is sold. Extra burden of having to have the flat clean, which I always suck at. Social anxiety going through the roof, loss of sanctuary, insecurity about housing, deep resentment that my whole life has been like this. Down, down, down I have gone. Sick with it.

51 - 60 of 27,230
1...567...2,723