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A long rave

A long rave

Edit Feb 2018: This thread has evolved into a chat thread, which is fine by me. In addition, I encourage other members to feel free to post their own 'long raves' in here too if wished. I will continue to post my own longer raves from time to time, as well as chat with friends along the way.

Original post from May 2016:

First of all, a (very) long post alert. Please don't feel obliged to read or respond. Mainly I am writing today to clear my own head of some things. So, here goes...

Last week, I managed to get to all planned appointments and activities every day of the week except Sunday. That only amounts to one, maximum two, per day, but was an improvement on previous weeks and months. I've made all planned appointments in a week before, but there have not been so many appointments in so many days consecutively. Many of you will know that, prior to about mid last year, I spent years very rarely leaving the flat. This was since the last of my breakdowns from paid employment in 2008 (one of so many similar breakdowns from paid working, though none as devastating in consequence as this last one). With each of these breakdowns, the recovery time got longer and longer. It's taken eight years to recover much at all this time around.

This week, so far, I've made none of my appointments or activities. In fact, I've not showered for days. Embarrassing to admit but maybe helpful to own up to it. As I write I'm still in what I wore to bed, as I was all day yesterday and the day before. The weird thing is that I don't feel that bad in my emotions, just crashed out physically and lacking almost all motivation except to use the computer. In other words, my mind and fingertips are alert and active, in fact nervy and overactive as usual, but the rest of me is crashed out. Perhaps I have entered what some people call a bipolar 'mixed state'. Whatever the terminology, this is where I am and I've been here so many times before.

The way I see it, there are a number of possible reasons for the way I am after last week:

  • inner conflict about how helpful my psychologist treatment is for me (saw her on Friday);
  • trying to further reduce my tobacco intake (the struggle seems disproportionately huge and exhausting);
  • needing recovery time from a big week (by my standards);
  • simply another manifestation of bipolar disorder in me.

Regarding the psychologist. She is young compared to me and I have the feeling that she may not grasp the full extent of my situation, partly through lack of life experience. Perhaps she may particularly lack an understanding of the various physical ailments that complicate things with me, some age-related (menopause, musculo-skeletal problems), one of them a chronic illness (crohns disease). She is treating me with some techniques from Dialectical Behavioural Therapy, something I honestly have never liked the sound of when I've read about it. The main 'homework' I have for this four week period is a sheet I am meant to fill out every night covering various things including tobacco use, coffee intake, isolating, unbalance eating, sleep patterns, lack of exercise. The sheet also includes sections monitoring mood every day. The problem I find is that monitoring and (by implication) tackling all these things at once is just overwhelming. I am significantly depressed after filling out the form because it seems to highlight all the ways I am failing rather than the ways I am succeeding. The psychologist has given me this sheet as homework once before and it had the same effect on me then. A full month long slump into depression is what followed. This sheet makes me feel very pressured to recover quickly from all of these things at once, a message that contradicts the advice of my psychiatrist (who I trust much more). His advice is to take it slowly and steadily and not feel rushed. As of yesterday, I stopped using the DBT form altogether. I am even considering giving up on the therapy with this psychologist after my next (sixth) session instead of seeing it through to the ten sessions my GP is willing to refer me for.

With the difficulty of further tobacco reduction, I am succeeding in reducing this a little more but the effort is gargantuan and seems to be sapping all the strength I have for making it out the door to my activities and appointments (or even to get dressed and showered). Writing here is just about the only thing that is distracting me from smoking again or thinking about it obsessively.

I've run out of steam on writing about it all now (a huge sigh of relief from any readers at this point).

I wonder if anyone else can make any sense of this.

27230 replies

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In response to: A long rave

Re: A long rave

@outlander I suppose listening is better than a kick in the head ....

In response to: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Yes @Bunniekins ❤

In response to: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Sorry @greenpa i didnt mean to sound 'off' its just really hars for me to try and be selfish. Its been this way for so long its hard

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

@outlander You know when I say selfish I dont mean it in a negative way. I mean looking out for your best interests.

In response to: A long rave

Re: A long rave

@outlander

that would have been frightening near miss car accident on freeway as well....

back seat drivers who always know the right way...yet not driving the car...

I have had to say to my sister who almost shrieks when I put the foot on the accelerator or change lanes...Don't suddenly scream or shout at me when I am driving...That is a very unsafe thing to do which could cause me to loose focus and cause an accident...That kept her quiet...

I also many many years ago informed my mum and sister that as they did not want to acknowledge or know anything about my mental illness side of life...never visited me in hospital during my stays...I choose not to tell them when I find myself back in hospital....I do not tell them about medication...I do not talk about that side of my life full stop ...my philosophy is that they have never researched or read up on my condition or even caringly asked...they have always wanted me to be more like them...I carried this factor for many years believing that I was the one in the wrong....I have learnt that could not be further from the truth...they have to and still struggle learn to accept me as I am...my sister has admitted several times over the years that I am very strong...

same with my older son missing....they don't mention him ask after him...he is a nephew and grandson to them yet from my point of view has been erased....So I say nothing to them...

As far as being a loser of the family....wrong wrong wrong...you are the warrior....the epitomy of strength..the survivor...they cannot deal with this...they feel confronted therefore put you down....again

tell them that you are not prepared to listen to negative comments full stop and walk away leaving them with that thought...you might have to say it a few times for the message to sink in....they may test you...stick to your guns...no one has the right to pass judgement on you outlander...

many families feel threatened by us because they see us struggle...they also see us get back up time and time again..they see that we are strong and are true to ourselves despite and as well as enduring symptoms of mental illness....this is what they struggle with..

be true to yourself and live your life the way you want to....that is your right as a human being

In response to: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Yeh i know @Bunniekins im so use to being ignore or talked down or yelled at esp when i do things for myself and my wellbeing of any kind its really hard for me to seek help or talk about it to anyone esp when constantly told im attention seeking.
Ive been working at it though i just dont talk to people offline except health professionals and just try to do what i need to. Makes it harder but i dont want to burden anyone anymore than i already do.
All i can think is at least others dont get treated this way in my family.

In response to: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Thank you @Former-Member for everything youve written. It seems we have quite alot in common when it comes to families. Its a hard way to live. I guess your right that if they dont want to know then dont tell them. They dont know much about my meds etc it just causes arguments. I tried to explain my mh and gave them info on it but they went in the bin (iseen them in there) being in a separate house and not seeing them for a long period of time they dont see the struggles. My psych said yesterday that because this is 'me' ita normal for me to look the way i do or act the way i do. Ive learnt to hide it over time and wearing the mask comes naturally now.
Thank you @Former-Member 💕 your very strong for the things you've done and go through. I hope that your son comes home soon and your family respects you soon too
Have you have your surgury yet?

In response to: A long rave

Re: A long rave

@Former-Member i see you ❣

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Well said @Former-Member ..... ❣️

It’s a privilege for people to share their issues with us, not a given .... and if they are not supportive of you, then they are not deserving of inclusion in your private affairs, because that is what any form of illness is .... (without separating out mental illness from that category).

Shoulder the privacy of your condition from uncaring family @outlander, and share it to seek support (as opposed to attention) in places and at times when that is available to you.

Also, if you can, forgive their short-sightedness ..... it’s not their fault per se that they are lacking sensitivity and empathy ..... that’s their particular issue in life, and it will carry enough grief of its own .... so wish them well, but don’t lie down in their path either .....

Hugs ..... 💜💐

In response to: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Is rhat like keeping the cards close to my heart and only using them with those who are supportive (but not always/all the time) or need to know ie mh professionals @Faith-and-Hope

What do you mean by "so wish them well, but don’t lie down in their path either ....." i get the wish them well bit..
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