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A long rave

A long rave

Edit Feb 2018: This thread has evolved into a chat thread, which is fine by me. In addition, I encourage other members to feel free to post their own 'long raves' in here too if wished. I will continue to post my own longer raves from time to time, as well as chat with friends along the way.

Original post from May 2016:

First of all, a (very) long post alert. Please don't feel obliged to read or respond. Mainly I am writing today to clear my own head of some things. So, here goes...

Last week, I managed to get to all planned appointments and activities every day of the week except Sunday. That only amounts to one, maximum two, per day, but was an improvement on previous weeks and months. I've made all planned appointments in a week before, but there have not been so many appointments in so many days consecutively. Many of you will know that, prior to about mid last year, I spent years very rarely leaving the flat. This was since the last of my breakdowns from paid employment in 2008 (one of so many similar breakdowns from paid working, though none as devastating in consequence as this last one). With each of these breakdowns, the recovery time got longer and longer. It's taken eight years to recover much at all this time around.

This week, so far, I've made none of my appointments or activities. In fact, I've not showered for days. Embarrassing to admit but maybe helpful to own up to it. As I write I'm still in what I wore to bed, as I was all day yesterday and the day before. The weird thing is that I don't feel that bad in my emotions, just crashed out physically and lacking almost all motivation except to use the computer. In other words, my mind and fingertips are alert and active, in fact nervy and overactive as usual, but the rest of me is crashed out. Perhaps I have entered what some people call a bipolar 'mixed state'. Whatever the terminology, this is where I am and I've been here so many times before.

The way I see it, there are a number of possible reasons for the way I am after last week:

  • inner conflict about how helpful my psychologist treatment is for me (saw her on Friday);
  • trying to further reduce my tobacco intake (the struggle seems disproportionately huge and exhausting);
  • needing recovery time from a big week (by my standards);
  • simply another manifestation of bipolar disorder in me.

Regarding the psychologist. She is young compared to me and I have the feeling that she may not grasp the full extent of my situation, partly through lack of life experience. Perhaps she may particularly lack an understanding of the various physical ailments that complicate things with me, some age-related (menopause, musculo-skeletal problems), one of them a chronic illness (crohns disease). She is treating me with some techniques from Dialectical Behavioural Therapy, something I honestly have never liked the sound of when I've read about it. The main 'homework' I have for this four week period is a sheet I am meant to fill out every night covering various things including tobacco use, coffee intake, isolating, unbalance eating, sleep patterns, lack of exercise. The sheet also includes sections monitoring mood every day. The problem I find is that monitoring and (by implication) tackling all these things at once is just overwhelming. I am significantly depressed after filling out the form because it seems to highlight all the ways I am failing rather than the ways I am succeeding. The psychologist has given me this sheet as homework once before and it had the same effect on me then. A full month long slump into depression is what followed. This sheet makes me feel very pressured to recover quickly from all of these things at once, a message that contradicts the advice of my psychiatrist (who I trust much more). His advice is to take it slowly and steadily and not feel rushed. As of yesterday, I stopped using the DBT form altogether. I am even considering giving up on the therapy with this psychologist after my next (sixth) session instead of seeing it through to the ten sessions my GP is willing to refer me for.

With the difficulty of further tobacco reduction, I am succeeding in reducing this a little more but the effort is gargantuan and seems to be sapping all the strength I have for making it out the door to my activities and appointments (or even to get dressed and showered). Writing here is just about the only thing that is distracting me from smoking again or thinking about it obsessively.

I've run out of steam on writing about it all now (a huge sigh of relief from any readers at this point).

I wonder if anyone else can make any sense of this.

27230 replies

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In response to: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Good morning, @Former-Member.

Sorry you had an awful day yesterday. I hope today brings better feelings between you and your husband. It's a very hard time for both of you. The angry, tearful, fed up feelings you describe are natural. I hope you won't beat yourself up too much over them.

Thanks for your words and interest in the flat inspection yesterday. All went well, as it always has. Regardless, I always seem to get myself worked up into a state about it, one way or the other. This time I was cleaning wildly. Last time I couldn't move myself from the chair pretty much all of the week before. Luckily, for that inspection, C did most of the work. I always feel badly about him doing more than his fair share around the flat, which is true most of the time. So at times when I've got a bit of energy, like this past week, I tend to overcompensate. But it's all good now and I can let myself wind down a bit again.

The way you are reading and responding to others on the forum, even when going through such a scary time yourself, is so admirable. Please be as kind towards you too if you can. Vent as much as you like here. I and others want to be here for you.

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Good morning, @CheerBear. Thinking of you, as is often the case, in the early morning time. Sending good vibes for the rest of the day to you and all passing through this thread.

In response to: A long rave

Re: A long rave

You have incredible timing @Mazarita, thank you ❤

I'm on a step with a coffee waiting for the sound of feet to begin and I'm listening to the birds. Was thinking of you a little earlier, as I too often do in the morning.

Thank you for the vibes. Sending you and all here, them also. Hope you enjoy the clean flat and relief feelings again today and that your day has smiles 💕

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Good morning @Former-Member @Mazarita @CheerBear and anyone else passing through this morning.

@Former-Member Sorry I logged out before your reply last night. Hoping today is a better day for you and hubby.

The dog and I are going well so far. He really settled down after the first night.

Coffee time for me now too, needed after the red wine and boogie until quite late last night! Boy that was fun!

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Good morning, @eth, @Former-Member, @Former-Member, @Teej, @Shaz51, @everyone (and another gidday to @CheerBear).

Was awake around first light for a couple of hours, then went back to bed. Had an epic dream on this last sleep that had me feeling happy on waking again. I don't know if anyone else experiences this, but sometimes my dreams leave me feeling energised and creative, like there is learning in them that has been given to me while I sleep. Don't ask me to put what I learned into words though. The best dreams seem to me to be beyond literal interpretation. I'll probably be back to the usual rational brain self soon, but I did enjoy my wild dream.

We are entering a heat wave today that's going to last all week. Temperatures will be in the mid 30s, with very high humidity. I can already feel it coming on. Hope it passes quickly!

How is everyone today? Any plans?

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

hello @Mazarita @eth @CheerBear

thank you once again Mazarita for your understanding....I am an absolute mess at the moment...responding to others who are in a similar place for different reasons helps me in the knowledge that I really cannot do anything to change my own situation ....I can still help others knowing how horrid life can get for us...

the one thing that I have noticed is that husband comes home every day cheerfully relating how many have come up to him at his sports club ...first words how is Mohill (obviously am incognito so different name...makes me feel like and espionage agent)...then prattle prattle prattle about their sport...good for husband to have relief from me and support from others..

Many did come up when I visited the club ..spontaneous moment of I am getting out of this house and escaping these thoughts spinning around and doing my head in....husband had game..

was fine at first as I had many come up smiling offering best wishes...some big grins to see me and one in particular a huge bear hug that did not let go...lovely...

then settled inside next to one lady who has empathy..another joined us exclaiming how lovely to see me hadn't seen me in ages...sorry to hear about health issues...

I thanked them and said yes I have actually come here to forget...use as a distraction..

well then the floodgates opened...this woman started with so many people having terminal illness at moment...cannot believe..have you heard blah blah...is blah blah dead yet?

I turned my face away..hoping that would be the clue to please drop the subject...

wrong..

finally I stood up and as I walked away spouted I am not listening to this...I do not need this ...hearing come back sorry....

sat with husband and friend who has melanomas and said you would get this....he laughed and said yes I know exactly all of my male friends think that I am actually dying..no hope or might already be dead...we both had a giggle for a while...I said for f..k sake what part of distraction..get away from..is hard to understand....calmed down...ok I am going back to sit with them now.

they profusely apologised and I said ...let it go...over with..changed subject..

none of those people apart from friend with empathy ring me or visit me..none of frank's family have visited yet....my younger son does not know will tell him closer to time and of course keeping from mum up until have surgery date..

when trying to explain to husband how I feel...he tries to advise me how I should feel...which I can see is a more rational...logical approach...

however as I say to him but that is not how I am feeling whether I should be or not..

his response...we are just different in how we think...silence....skirting around me now..

this is the part where I am asking myself ...why is it not fine for me to feel very angry and tearful at the same time about this? where is my actual support? my doctor...my physiotherapist...I am paying for...this website and all of you who support me ...bringing forth hard sobs and tears..

at this point I would be saying to another person...acknowledge...allow....I am trying...it really hurts...it gets stuck and it hurts like crazy...

I just dont want this anymore...too much grief one thing after another in last few years...

one of his son's is visiting this afternoon he had scare re tumour on xray..now assessed as disc in back issue..painful yes....

he or none of husband's family know anything about my history of mental illness...they are not the type of people with whom you talk about such things...they just talk about themselves..nor do any of them know about missing son...so I am seen as aloof

so I now have to put on this brave face...listen to I don't know what...yes I feel for him and what he is going through...I do not want to hear about it though..

so will come across as uncaring...selfish..callous and husband will sulk even more..

I just want to fly away physically to another life ...take my sons with me...

anyone else feel this way at times

mazarita hope that you are lapping up your sparkling flat

eth keep on enjoying your home alone time..loving that you have the dog there is probably in protection mode..love the dancing and the red wine....used to do that..my animals used to move back...

cheer bear loved the description of standing on the step waiting for the sound of footsteps...brings back lovely memories..

thanks for this space I really have been lost

bless you all

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

I don't know if anyone else experiences this, sure do @Mazarita feeling energised and creative, ready to take on the day

after getting up 4 times through the night , i slept until 8am

taking mum to a cent sale that she wants to go too , all money in going to a young man who had a motorcycle accident

and then out tonight to a houe warming dinner -- fingers crossed for mr shaz for today , but he wont be coming to the cent sale so he will be able to have a sleep before tonight

'how about you my scotirish sister

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Good morning @Mazarita I enjoyed our chats yesterday. Feeling tired this morning but that's no wonder really. No specific plans for today, but still looking at most of yesterdays jobs I mentioned. Do you have plans today?

Isn't it nice when we wake up positive after a lucid dream? Mine lately have been not so positive, involving things I've discussed at the psychologist, but at least I wake up knowing it was only a dream. Hoping the motivation stays with you today.

Hi @Former-Member It's really good that you can express yourself openly here about how things are for you. Is there any chance you can go out or retreat with a book or something while hubby's son visits? I'm thinking of you and sending care and concern.

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Good morning to you too @Former-Member and @Shaz51

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

morning @eth and @Former-Member

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