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A long rave

A long rave

Edit Feb 2018: This thread has evolved into a chat thread, which is fine by me. In addition, I encourage other members to feel free to post their own 'long raves' in here too if wished. I will continue to post my own longer raves from time to time, as well as chat with friends along the way.

Original post from May 2016:

First of all, a (very) long post alert. Please don't feel obliged to read or respond. Mainly I am writing today to clear my own head of some things. So, here goes...

Last week, I managed to get to all planned appointments and activities every day of the week except Sunday. That only amounts to one, maximum two, per day, but was an improvement on previous weeks and months. I've made all planned appointments in a week before, but there have not been so many appointments in so many days consecutively. Many of you will know that, prior to about mid last year, I spent years very rarely leaving the flat. This was since the last of my breakdowns from paid employment in 2008 (one of so many similar breakdowns from paid working, though none as devastating in consequence as this last one). With each of these breakdowns, the recovery time got longer and longer. It's taken eight years to recover much at all this time around.

This week, so far, I've made none of my appointments or activities. In fact, I've not showered for days. Embarrassing to admit but maybe helpful to own up to it. As I write I'm still in what I wore to bed, as I was all day yesterday and the day before. The weird thing is that I don't feel that bad in my emotions, just crashed out physically and lacking almost all motivation except to use the computer. In other words, my mind and fingertips are alert and active, in fact nervy and overactive as usual, but the rest of me is crashed out. Perhaps I have entered what some people call a bipolar 'mixed state'. Whatever the terminology, this is where I am and I've been here so many times before.

The way I see it, there are a number of possible reasons for the way I am after last week:

  • inner conflict about how helpful my psychologist treatment is for me (saw her on Friday);
  • trying to further reduce my tobacco intake (the struggle seems disproportionately huge and exhausting);
  • needing recovery time from a big week (by my standards);
  • simply another manifestation of bipolar disorder in me.

Regarding the psychologist. She is young compared to me and I have the feeling that she may not grasp the full extent of my situation, partly through lack of life experience. Perhaps she may particularly lack an understanding of the various physical ailments that complicate things with me, some age-related (menopause, musculo-skeletal problems), one of them a chronic illness (crohns disease). She is treating me with some techniques from Dialectical Behavioural Therapy, something I honestly have never liked the sound of when I've read about it. The main 'homework' I have for this four week period is a sheet I am meant to fill out every night covering various things including tobacco use, coffee intake, isolating, unbalance eating, sleep patterns, lack of exercise. The sheet also includes sections monitoring mood every day. The problem I find is that monitoring and (by implication) tackling all these things at once is just overwhelming. I am significantly depressed after filling out the form because it seems to highlight all the ways I am failing rather than the ways I am succeeding. The psychologist has given me this sheet as homework once before and it had the same effect on me then. A full month long slump into depression is what followed. This sheet makes me feel very pressured to recover quickly from all of these things at once, a message that contradicts the advice of my psychiatrist (who I trust much more). His advice is to take it slowly and steadily and not feel rushed. As of yesterday, I stopped using the DBT form altogether. I am even considering giving up on the therapy with this psychologist after my next (sixth) session instead of seeing it through to the ten sessions my GP is willing to refer me for.

With the difficulty of further tobacco reduction, I am succeeding in reducing this a little more but the effort is gargantuan and seems to be sapping all the strength I have for making it out the door to my activities and appointments (or even to get dressed and showered). Writing here is just about the only thing that is distracting me from smoking again or thinking about it obsessively.

I've run out of steam on writing about it all now (a huge sigh of relief from any readers at this point).

I wonder if anyone else can make any sense of this.

27230 replies

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In response to: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Hugs @eth

It is great to hear your real life is more full than virtual relationships. Though we know we are real too. lol I am going off for a walk and talk this afternoon with someone who called himself a 'friend'. My friend experiences this year have been a bit up & down, but the inportant thing is that I am putting myself out there and sharing more and being more assertive than in the past. When things fall apart I am not so devastated as in the past. Learning that being 'friends' has to have a sense of give and take and best not with great urgency but more relaxation .... its tricky ... cause what is meaningful ... often gets us all passionate.

@Zoe7 @Anastasia @Mazarita

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Enjoy your walk and talk with your new potential friend @Appleblossom

You'll never know if you never go, as they say.

Take care lovely.

In response to: A long rave

Re: A long rave

@eth 💖💖💖

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

@Appleblossom 🌹💖

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

@eth @Mazarita @Exoplanet

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Hi @eth @Appleblossom @outlander @Zoe7 and anyone reading, well wishes all.

Apple and Eth: interesting ongoing thoughts on 'real' versus 'virtual' life and relationships. After coming and going on the forum for long periods, being here only occasionally or very often over several years, it's still something I wonder about.

I guess it's obvious that relationships with people in the flesh, and our relationship with the real world in general, have to take priority in our lives.

At the same time, the intimacy that can happen on the forum is often beyond that with people we know in real life. Especially when isolation is a factor, as it has been for many of us here, the forum relationships can be incredibly rewarding, uplifting, encouraging and loving.

Perhaps that's why I feel uncomfortable, even guilty, when I am away from people I've come to know so intimately over time. Despite my confident belief that real life is the main thing in any of our lives, it can feel like I am neglecting people I care for a great deal if I am just not there for them for periods of time.

There's also that somewhere in the back of my mind is the knowledge that none of us are likely to ever meet in real life. Also that at some time on the future, the forum itself is likely to have an end point, hopefully a long way from now.

I guess we just muddle along with this real/virtual tension at times, valuing the time we have together and allowing, even encouraging growth in life offline.

Just off the top of my head as I am here for the first time in a while.

Love to all. Real or virtual it's from the heart.

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

nice to see you here @Mazarita

In response to: A long rave

Re: A long rave

@Mazarita @eth

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Hi dear @Mazarita and @outlander It seems an age since I've been here. Possibly nigh on a month. Hope life is going smoothly for you both. A bit up and down here but this week was smoother than the previous 2.

Love your musings about relationships on and offline @Mazarita I guess for me at the moment I think of my forum friends as kind of pen pals - and I'm slow to write back! Lots going on with doing a DBT course and my writing for the last several weeks. Plus with the disability alliance mh group and a problematic person in it who I've ended my friendship with due to abuse. It did leave a space in my offline life but it didn't take long for me to fill that space with connections with longer term and closer friends. In these times of covid it's really important to me to keep in touch with my offline community. Of course community here is highly valued to me too, I just don't seem to get the time. I miss people and I have guilt about not being around, especially after my stint as a community guide, but coping with offline life has had to take priority for a while. Even tho' most of my activities are things I've chosen, I really have to pace myself in between. Have been in lockdown going on 6 weeks but luckily some of the groups I'm in are happening on zoom. And the course is still happening in person as it's at a psych hospital and they're exempt from stay-at-home orders. I guess I have to admit I've had much higher anxiety generally for much of this lockdown. Particularly about the behaviour of my neighbours and classmates. Also with something that happened with one of my support workers. So many people bending if not outright breaching the current public health orders. I am double vaxed, but have to keep reminding myself of the fact. It didn't make me feel safer, I don't know why.

Anyway I'm rambling about myself here.

Hello also to dear @Shaz51 and @Emelia8 , @Owlunar @TAB @Fluttershy1 and @Daisydreamer and thankyou for the mentions and keeping me connected. I get notifications but rarely drop in here at this time. I miss you all and send my warmest wishes. So many more people I could be tagging - if we're friends and you're reading this, you know who you are!

Take care and stay kind xx

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

You're dealing with all that's the main thing @eth 😸
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