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A long rave

A long rave

Edit Feb 2018: This thread has evolved into a chat thread, which is fine by me. In addition, I encourage other members to feel free to post their own 'long raves' in here too if wished. I will continue to post my own longer raves from time to time, as well as chat with friends along the way.

Original post from May 2016:

First of all, a (very) long post alert. Please don't feel obliged to read or respond. Mainly I am writing today to clear my own head of some things. So, here goes...

Last week, I managed to get to all planned appointments and activities every day of the week except Sunday. That only amounts to one, maximum two, per day, but was an improvement on previous weeks and months. I've made all planned appointments in a week before, but there have not been so many appointments in so many days consecutively. Many of you will know that, prior to about mid last year, I spent years very rarely leaving the flat. This was since the last of my breakdowns from paid employment in 2008 (one of so many similar breakdowns from paid working, though none as devastating in consequence as this last one). With each of these breakdowns, the recovery time got longer and longer. It's taken eight years to recover much at all this time around.

This week, so far, I've made none of my appointments or activities. In fact, I've not showered for days. Embarrassing to admit but maybe helpful to own up to it. As I write I'm still in what I wore to bed, as I was all day yesterday and the day before. The weird thing is that I don't feel that bad in my emotions, just crashed out physically and lacking almost all motivation except to use the computer. In other words, my mind and fingertips are alert and active, in fact nervy and overactive as usual, but the rest of me is crashed out. Perhaps I have entered what some people call a bipolar 'mixed state'. Whatever the terminology, this is where I am and I've been here so many times before.

The way I see it, there are a number of possible reasons for the way I am after last week:

  • inner conflict about how helpful my psychologist treatment is for me (saw her on Friday);
  • trying to further reduce my tobacco intake (the struggle seems disproportionately huge and exhausting);
  • needing recovery time from a big week (by my standards);
  • simply another manifestation of bipolar disorder in me.

Regarding the psychologist. She is young compared to me and I have the feeling that she may not grasp the full extent of my situation, partly through lack of life experience. Perhaps she may particularly lack an understanding of the various physical ailments that complicate things with me, some age-related (menopause, musculo-skeletal problems), one of them a chronic illness (crohns disease). She is treating me with some techniques from Dialectical Behavioural Therapy, something I honestly have never liked the sound of when I've read about it. The main 'homework' I have for this four week period is a sheet I am meant to fill out every night covering various things including tobacco use, coffee intake, isolating, unbalance eating, sleep patterns, lack of exercise. The sheet also includes sections monitoring mood every day. The problem I find is that monitoring and (by implication) tackling all these things at once is just overwhelming. I am significantly depressed after filling out the form because it seems to highlight all the ways I am failing rather than the ways I am succeeding. The psychologist has given me this sheet as homework once before and it had the same effect on me then. A full month long slump into depression is what followed. This sheet makes me feel very pressured to recover quickly from all of these things at once, a message that contradicts the advice of my psychiatrist (who I trust much more). His advice is to take it slowly and steadily and not feel rushed. As of yesterday, I stopped using the DBT form altogether. I am even considering giving up on the therapy with this psychologist after my next (sixth) session instead of seeing it through to the ten sessions my GP is willing to refer me for.

With the difficulty of further tobacco reduction, I am succeeding in reducing this a little more but the effort is gargantuan and seems to be sapping all the strength I have for making it out the door to my activities and appointments (or even to get dressed and showered). Writing here is just about the only thing that is distracting me from smoking again or thinking about it obsessively.

I've run out of steam on writing about it all now (a huge sigh of relief from any readers at this point).

I wonder if anyone else can make any sense of this.

27230 replies

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In response to: A long rave

Re: anRe: A long rave

That is super hard for you to hear and also to work through @eth The hardest thing must be how long ago it was and yet your brother still seems to have issues he has not worked through himself. Would it be a good idea for him to see someone as well to be able to work through those things - it might help you both if he could do that in a controlled way. Obviously he has been carrying these things around for a long time and I can see that he wants you to know the truth and be able to work through what you did but it also seems like he needs help to work through those things as well. This should not all be on you Hon - especially considering how long ago it was and it is just now your B is bringing it all up ...that is a long time for your B to be both carrying these things around and for you to now know and work through it yiurself. I can fully understnd how re-traumatising it would be for you Eth. Sending you love and gentle hugs Hon

In response to: A long rave

Re: anRe: A long rave

Hi @eth I am sorry to hear that you are dealing with so much at the moment. I hope things start getting better between you and your bro (I understand about the guilt and shame about stuff done in a manic phase - stuff that is usually uncontrollable in this phase). Good to practise self-love and forgiveness💜

Hope you have a relaxing time at the farm this weekend 🐝🐔🦋🌞🌻

In response to: Re: anRe: A long rave

Re: anRe: A long rave

reading along @eth

Thinking of you my friend

In response to: Re: anRe: A long rave

Re: anRe: A long rave

Feeling for you @eth

Do what you need for reworking the memories and gradual integration of more understanding of his experience, without erasing your own. He still has to own his experience. Self Differentiation. There are Big Gender issues and proximity to vicarious significant Cultural Trauma in your story (from what i can gather.) It can be a good way to empower you and move forward.

You do not want to remain dependent on him, as its not his responsibility. Do you pay him board or do you see your contribution as all the beautiful meals you prepare. It will be great to have both your own living situation and some family of origin contact, but reaching out to others.

In response to: A long rave

Re: anRe: A long rave

Hi @eth

That's really tough that your brother found it necessary to "fill you in" about events that took place when you were very ill for three years 20 years ago. Seriously! I am wondering if HE needs therapy - we can't change the past certainly and people were confused and hurt

I truly think therapy is about learning to live a better future as well as sort

healing the past

It seems you have a lot happening right now so thanks for filling us in. Take your time and enjoy theweekend - and believe in yourself - you come across as a thoughtful person who would not intentionally hurt anyone

Sending my best thoughts

Dec

Sorry - it's tricky using my phone one handed to message - I am making a worse mess trying to edit

In response to: A long rave

Re: anRe: A long rave

Hey @eth sorry to read this, I wish I could do more to help but I'm having a crisis of my own and am pretty incapable of much atm.

I hear how you're feeling and I wish I could give you a big hug xxx

XOXO ANGELS333

In response to: Re: anRe: A long rave

Re: anRe: A long rave

@eth 💞💞

In response to: Re: anRe: A long rave

Re: anRe: A long rave

@eth - thinking of you in these hard moments. Also very brave of you to share with your friends here. I hope you get some peace and enjoyment from being down at the farm. ❣️❣️❣️

In response to: A long rave

Re: anRe: A long rave

Take care @eth ❤️❤️

In response to: Re: anRe: A long rave

Re: anRe: A long rave

@eth 💚💜💛
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