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A long rave

A long rave

Edit Feb 2018: This thread has evolved into a chat thread, which is fine by me. In addition, I encourage other members to feel free to post their own 'long raves' in here too if wished. I will continue to post my own longer raves from time to time, as well as chat with friends along the way.

Original post from May 2016:

First of all, a (very) long post alert. Please don't feel obliged to read or respond. Mainly I am writing today to clear my own head of some things. So, here goes...

Last week, I managed to get to all planned appointments and activities every day of the week except Sunday. That only amounts to one, maximum two, per day, but was an improvement on previous weeks and months. I've made all planned appointments in a week before, but there have not been so many appointments in so many days consecutively. Many of you will know that, prior to about mid last year, I spent years very rarely leaving the flat. This was since the last of my breakdowns from paid employment in 2008 (one of so many similar breakdowns from paid working, though none as devastating in consequence as this last one). With each of these breakdowns, the recovery time got longer and longer. It's taken eight years to recover much at all this time around.

This week, so far, I've made none of my appointments or activities. In fact, I've not showered for days. Embarrassing to admit but maybe helpful to own up to it. As I write I'm still in what I wore to bed, as I was all day yesterday and the day before. The weird thing is that I don't feel that bad in my emotions, just crashed out physically and lacking almost all motivation except to use the computer. In other words, my mind and fingertips are alert and active, in fact nervy and overactive as usual, but the rest of me is crashed out. Perhaps I have entered what some people call a bipolar 'mixed state'. Whatever the terminology, this is where I am and I've been here so many times before.

The way I see it, there are a number of possible reasons for the way I am after last week:

  • inner conflict about how helpful my psychologist treatment is for me (saw her on Friday);
  • trying to further reduce my tobacco intake (the struggle seems disproportionately huge and exhausting);
  • needing recovery time from a big week (by my standards);
  • simply another manifestation of bipolar disorder in me.

Regarding the psychologist. She is young compared to me and I have the feeling that she may not grasp the full extent of my situation, partly through lack of life experience. Perhaps she may particularly lack an understanding of the various physical ailments that complicate things with me, some age-related (menopause, musculo-skeletal problems), one of them a chronic illness (crohns disease). She is treating me with some techniques from Dialectical Behavioural Therapy, something I honestly have never liked the sound of when I've read about it. The main 'homework' I have for this four week period is a sheet I am meant to fill out every night covering various things including tobacco use, coffee intake, isolating, unbalance eating, sleep patterns, lack of exercise. The sheet also includes sections monitoring mood every day. The problem I find is that monitoring and (by implication) tackling all these things at once is just overwhelming. I am significantly depressed after filling out the form because it seems to highlight all the ways I am failing rather than the ways I am succeeding. The psychologist has given me this sheet as homework once before and it had the same effect on me then. A full month long slump into depression is what followed. This sheet makes me feel very pressured to recover quickly from all of these things at once, a message that contradicts the advice of my psychiatrist (who I trust much more). His advice is to take it slowly and steadily and not feel rushed. As of yesterday, I stopped using the DBT form altogether. I am even considering giving up on the therapy with this psychologist after my next (sixth) session instead of seeing it through to the ten sessions my GP is willing to refer me for.

With the difficulty of further tobacco reduction, I am succeeding in reducing this a little more but the effort is gargantuan and seems to be sapping all the strength I have for making it out the door to my activities and appointments (or even to get dressed and showered). Writing here is just about the only thing that is distracting me from smoking again or thinking about it obsessively.

I've run out of steam on writing about it all now (a huge sigh of relief from any readers at this point).

I wonder if anyone else can make any sense of this.

27230 replies

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In response to: A long rave

Re: anRe: A long rave

@eth please be kind and gentle to yourself that's a massive information load to take in ... my mum is BPD and she will never remember things the same way the rest of us do ... esp the difficult rage times .. my partner told me to go easier on her for this and have some more compassion - my partner thought it was unfair to expect mum to remember it any other way as chemicals and brains and memories are not really in our control like that - she did the best she could and loves me now and that's all that matters ... we all do the best we can ... thinking of it like this helped me to forgive her and let go of stupidness of expexting her to see it any other way than the way she experienced - she can't really imagine it any other way - for her the emotions were off the scale during those episodes and it's like we were in totally different worlds in those times

in my utopia world mum would take a level of responsibility and apologise for the hurtful things she did and said in those rages and that she wasn't aware of herself and didn't mean them ... hearing that would mean the world to me - but it will never happen - she laid those memories down in concrete and they set in her brains mould - I don't think she would ever believe the words even if she said them

I am coming to terms with that and it really is just reality of not sharing a brain ha ha - so maybe that's ok

In response to: A long rave

Re: anRe: A long rave

Hi @eth thinking of you and sending love 💕

In response to: Re: anRe: A long rave

Re: anRe: A long rave

Thanks all for replying so thoughtfully @Appleblossom @Zoe7 @Sophie1 @Former-Member

I've taken a prn and will go lie down for a bit shortly. Just want some time out from it all. Thanks so much for understanding @Sophie1 Believe me I have apologised, taken responsibity, and conceded to the others' memories over and over through the years. It just floored me to have so much 'new' information to process in one hit. Makes me very sad about what I put my brother through. I guess I've been more focussed on reconciliation with my adult child than anyone else.

I'll be back later this afternoon.

In response to: Re: anRe: A long rave

Re: anRe: A long rave

I hope you enjoy your rest @eth and feel stronger later 💜

In response to: Re: anRe: A long rave

Re: anRe: A long rave

That is understamdable @eth Take the time now you need for yourself because despite all this new information and your brother's feelings and experiences you also need to look after you now Ho. Hugs and hugs

In response to: Re: anRe: A long rave

Re: anRe: A long rave

Hey @eth I'm a day behind at least but wanted to say that I'm glad your new psych seems promising. I was really interested in what she said about: even the ideation can create trauma in us. I'd never considered that, but I think there's something in it. I'm not keen to ruminate, but worth acknowledging.

In response to: A long rave

Re: anRe: A long rave

Hi everyone.

I just received an RAC Severe (Red) Weather Alert.

Heavy rain, Hail, & damaging Winds - it's coming in about 30 minutes time.

I can hear the Thunder already....

Wish me Luck...

Hail is very Rare here, I might add - I've not seen any Hail in about 15 years.

Adge

In response to: Re: anRe: A long rave

Re: anRe: A long rave

Hi and good morning @Adge @Mazarita @frog @Zoe7 @Former-Member and anyone else passing by here today.

Hello all of you who've tagged me over the last few days @Angels333 @MDT @Shaz51 @Judi9877 @Sans911 @Maggie @Former-Member @Molliex @Appleblossom @frog @Eve7 @Sophie1

and hello also to @CheerBear @Bunniekins @TAB @Exoplanet @Faith-and-Hope @outlander @Snowie @NatureLover @Former-Member @saltandpepper @Former-Member @Gazza75 @BlueBay @Owlunar and anyone here I've missed tagging - sorry if I have.

I've been absent for a few days again as I've been swamped by off-line challenges and had a bit of a delayed reaction to some very hard conversations with my brother, whose backyard I live in. Partly about more details and stories of things I did or didn't do when I was extremely unwell. Some of which I have absolutely no recollection of and some of which happened when I was in manic psychosis and immense post-trauma reaction periods so my memories are partly of delusions that were very real for me at the time and very patchy due to repeated shocks. Very hard to hear. Lots of shame, guilt and sadness for what I put my family through. And in the midst of all those feelings the need to listen attentively and validate my brother's experiences. Both my psychologist and one of my support workers were extremely supportive. So many mixed feelings about it all. One of the things bro said is that he doesn't want me to be doing therapy about those times without knowing the truth and effects of my behaviour and events. Still struggling to integrate this new information with what I already knew about. Back to feeling like I'm carrying a bag full of jumbled jigsaw pieces and don't even have them all - and it's about a 3 year period that's 20 years ago. Somewhat re-traumatised by the new information according to my psychologist. I feel like I could write way more here, but haven't the energy atm to do so.

So sorry if I haven't got back to you in a timely manner. I have seen all your posts and am following and supporting you where I can.

I will be going to the farm tomorrow for the weekend so won't be around to do the Saturday Soiree - all welcome!! if anyone else is able to get it started that would be much appreciated.

Take care and stay safe everyone xoxo

In response to: Re: anRe: A long rave

Re: anRe: A long rave

Sorry to hear that you've been re-traumatised, @eth 😞

I hope you enjoy your time away and are refreshed.

In response to: Re: anRe: A long rave

Re: anRe: A long rave

That all sounds really hard @eth. It seems to have been delivered in the most caring and supportive way possible (?) but that doesn't make it any less hard to be sitting in the middle of "extra" jigsaw puzzle pieces when you have worked so hard to reassemble the ones you had and try to sideline the counterfeits ...... sending hugs and hugs your way. That was an amazing achievement, to sit in a space of hearing all of that, with a focus on validating your brother's experiences also.

It sounds like that farm is the healing place you need to be in right now. Keep taking care of you ❣️

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