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A long rave

A long rave

Edit Feb 2018: This thread has evolved into a chat thread, which is fine by me. In addition, I encourage other members to feel free to post their own 'long raves' in here too if wished. I will continue to post my own longer raves from time to time, as well as chat with friends along the way.

Original post from May 2016:

First of all, a (very) long post alert. Please don't feel obliged to read or respond. Mainly I am writing today to clear my own head of some things. So, here goes...

Last week, I managed to get to all planned appointments and activities every day of the week except Sunday. That only amounts to one, maximum two, per day, but was an improvement on previous weeks and months. I've made all planned appointments in a week before, but there have not been so many appointments in so many days consecutively. Many of you will know that, prior to about mid last year, I spent years very rarely leaving the flat. This was since the last of my breakdowns from paid employment in 2008 (one of so many similar breakdowns from paid working, though none as devastating in consequence as this last one). With each of these breakdowns, the recovery time got longer and longer. It's taken eight years to recover much at all this time around.

This week, so far, I've made none of my appointments or activities. In fact, I've not showered for days. Embarrassing to admit but maybe helpful to own up to it. As I write I'm still in what I wore to bed, as I was all day yesterday and the day before. The weird thing is that I don't feel that bad in my emotions, just crashed out physically and lacking almost all motivation except to use the computer. In other words, my mind and fingertips are alert and active, in fact nervy and overactive as usual, but the rest of me is crashed out. Perhaps I have entered what some people call a bipolar 'mixed state'. Whatever the terminology, this is where I am and I've been here so many times before.

The way I see it, there are a number of possible reasons for the way I am after last week:

  • inner conflict about how helpful my psychologist treatment is for me (saw her on Friday);
  • trying to further reduce my tobacco intake (the struggle seems disproportionately huge and exhausting);
  • needing recovery time from a big week (by my standards);
  • simply another manifestation of bipolar disorder in me.

Regarding the psychologist. She is young compared to me and I have the feeling that she may not grasp the full extent of my situation, partly through lack of life experience. Perhaps she may particularly lack an understanding of the various physical ailments that complicate things with me, some age-related (menopause, musculo-skeletal problems), one of them a chronic illness (crohns disease). She is treating me with some techniques from Dialectical Behavioural Therapy, something I honestly have never liked the sound of when I've read about it. The main 'homework' I have for this four week period is a sheet I am meant to fill out every night covering various things including tobacco use, coffee intake, isolating, unbalance eating, sleep patterns, lack of exercise. The sheet also includes sections monitoring mood every day. The problem I find is that monitoring and (by implication) tackling all these things at once is just overwhelming. I am significantly depressed after filling out the form because it seems to highlight all the ways I am failing rather than the ways I am succeeding. The psychologist has given me this sheet as homework once before and it had the same effect on me then. A full month long slump into depression is what followed. This sheet makes me feel very pressured to recover quickly from all of these things at once, a message that contradicts the advice of my psychiatrist (who I trust much more). His advice is to take it slowly and steadily and not feel rushed. As of yesterday, I stopped using the DBT form altogether. I am even considering giving up on the therapy with this psychologist after my next (sixth) session instead of seeing it through to the ten sessions my GP is willing to refer me for.

With the difficulty of further tobacco reduction, I am succeeding in reducing this a little more but the effort is gargantuan and seems to be sapping all the strength I have for making it out the door to my activities and appointments (or even to get dressed and showered). Writing here is just about the only thing that is distracting me from smoking again or thinking about it obsessively.

I've run out of steam on writing about it all now (a huge sigh of relief from any readers at this point).

I wonder if anyone else can make any sense of this.

27230 replies

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In response to: A long rave

Re: anRe: A long rave

Hey @eth regarding your question about how long therapy is needed my personal view is this... My trauma is huge, I couldn't imagine a scenario where I would expect another person to 'recover' from such a trauma, I would find it reasonable for that person to continue in therapy for most of their life. I extend that thinking to myself I'm not expecting recovery. I am hoping for a continued quality of life, to be maintained as a functioning member of society. And at times I can't even manage to have quality of life and function somehow. But I do know if I didn't have psychological help I would fall in a heap.

So I keep up the therapy even in the good times and that's when the therapy moves from crisis management to then approaching the trauma itself... By no means an easy task.

XOXO ANGELS333

In response to: Re: anRe: A long rave

Re: anRe: A long rave

Thanks @Angels333 for your thoughtful reply. To be honest I feel pretty much the same. But wasn't able to tell my brother that. Sometimes I'm not able to be assertive and entirely authentic with him due to expectations of his that I perceive. In some ways he is quite judgemental and that effects my ability to respond to him.

In response to: A long rave

Re: anRe: A long rave

i dont have much advice @eth but im listening and i read your post. i want to send you some love and hugs 💙💛

In response to: Re: anRe: A long rave

Re: anRe: A long rave

Ahh @eth it must be difficult without the understanding from your brother. I think I have met very few people in my life who truly grasp my situation. It is hard when you feel judged edit - when you are being judged

XOXO ANGELS333

In response to: A long rave

Re: anRe: A long rave

Hey @eth

You seem to have lots going on. Glad to hear the psych is a good fit, always hard to find one we feel comfortable with.

Take care

In response to: Re: anRe: A long rave

Re: anRe: A long rave

I am not strictly a carer either, according to mr shaz , I am only a wife @eth

and only a daughter to my mum

hugs my friend

In response to: A long rave

Re: anRe: A long rave

Much love and hugs to you @eth

In response to: A long rave

Re: anRe: A long rave

Oh no @eth more housing. Sorry they are making it so hard. 💞💞

I hope the good vibes continue with your new psych. 🤞🤞🤞

You sound like you are enjoying some crafty time. Mixed mediums. I will look it us. Sounds interesting.

Sorry about bro. It must make living so close very hard at times.

Enjoy your evening. 💙💜💞

In response to: Re: anRe: A long rave

Re: anRe: A long rave

@eth

I am enjoying the unleashed women and their art, and hearing about you enjoying it. Thats good enough for me, as I gave most of my arts supplies away to a homeless person who only had paper and pencils.

Your question about the length of therapy is important. From the clinet's POV it may look different from govt which was pushing short term CBT for a while, but honestly for significant trauma it just does not cut it.

I really like the way you answered it @Angels333

I have hoped to work on trauma and consequences but so far no luck. They dont listen well enough, they muddle up important facts which show how much they have not listened ... eth ... maybe your pleasant surprise at having a good fit with new psych will eventually encourage me to have another go, but am settling with what is working at the moment. Have decided to look for another cleaner. As my spt wkr says I should not have to listen to racist comments like ..."there is no reason any Australian cant have a job" etc and mucking around re times and aggressive interpersonal style.

It is weird I am slowly building on the sense that I have a right to live, without destroying myself, only sliding back 2 out of 3 steps. Picking up and moving fwd.

Had hour long rave with son on phone tonight.

Hugs @Maggie @Zoe7 @outlander

In response to: Re: anRe: A long rave

Re: anRe: A long rave

I've been subjected to comments like that @Appleblossom

Current Unemployment is very Under-Stated - it's possibly 10% to 15% (not 8% official Rate).

So No, every Australian cannot have a job - there is not a job for them all to have.

Yes, I've had similar experiences with Therapists (Psychologists).

They have demonstrated how well they did not listen - by forgetting all the details (especially crucial details).

Even Psychologists generally admit (to me at least) - that CBT is not appropriate for Trauma Work, or for Trauma Survivors.

10 sessions would not even scratch the surface - unless it's just for a short-term crisis (some extra stability).

I've heard that more than 13 years of continuous Therapy for Long-Term (Complex) Trauma is Common or necessary.

I guess it depends on the Approach (Therapy Method) - & how well we connect with the Therapist/ Psychologist.

Good Connection (Rapport) & Trust = More Effective.

Lack of Empathy/ Shaky Connection = Not Effective (even confidence-damaging).

Adge

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