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A long rave

A long rave

Edit Feb 2018: This thread has evolved into a chat thread, which is fine by me. In addition, I encourage other members to feel free to post their own 'long raves' in here too if wished. I will continue to post my own longer raves from time to time, as well as chat with friends along the way.

Original post from May 2016:

First of all, a (very) long post alert. Please don't feel obliged to read or respond. Mainly I am writing today to clear my own head of some things. So, here goes...

Last week, I managed to get to all planned appointments and activities every day of the week except Sunday. That only amounts to one, maximum two, per day, but was an improvement on previous weeks and months. I've made all planned appointments in a week before, but there have not been so many appointments in so many days consecutively. Many of you will know that, prior to about mid last year, I spent years very rarely leaving the flat. This was since the last of my breakdowns from paid employment in 2008 (one of so many similar breakdowns from paid working, though none as devastating in consequence as this last one). With each of these breakdowns, the recovery time got longer and longer. It's taken eight years to recover much at all this time around.

This week, so far, I've made none of my appointments or activities. In fact, I've not showered for days. Embarrassing to admit but maybe helpful to own up to it. As I write I'm still in what I wore to bed, as I was all day yesterday and the day before. The weird thing is that I don't feel that bad in my emotions, just crashed out physically and lacking almost all motivation except to use the computer. In other words, my mind and fingertips are alert and active, in fact nervy and overactive as usual, but the rest of me is crashed out. Perhaps I have entered what some people call a bipolar 'mixed state'. Whatever the terminology, this is where I am and I've been here so many times before.

The way I see it, there are a number of possible reasons for the way I am after last week:

  • inner conflict about how helpful my psychologist treatment is for me (saw her on Friday);
  • trying to further reduce my tobacco intake (the struggle seems disproportionately huge and exhausting);
  • needing recovery time from a big week (by my standards);
  • simply another manifestation of bipolar disorder in me.

Regarding the psychologist. She is young compared to me and I have the feeling that she may not grasp the full extent of my situation, partly through lack of life experience. Perhaps she may particularly lack an understanding of the various physical ailments that complicate things with me, some age-related (menopause, musculo-skeletal problems), one of them a chronic illness (crohns disease). She is treating me with some techniques from Dialectical Behavioural Therapy, something I honestly have never liked the sound of when I've read about it. The main 'homework' I have for this four week period is a sheet I am meant to fill out every night covering various things including tobacco use, coffee intake, isolating, unbalance eating, sleep patterns, lack of exercise. The sheet also includes sections monitoring mood every day. The problem I find is that monitoring and (by implication) tackling all these things at once is just overwhelming. I am significantly depressed after filling out the form because it seems to highlight all the ways I am failing rather than the ways I am succeeding. The psychologist has given me this sheet as homework once before and it had the same effect on me then. A full month long slump into depression is what followed. This sheet makes me feel very pressured to recover quickly from all of these things at once, a message that contradicts the advice of my psychiatrist (who I trust much more). His advice is to take it slowly and steadily and not feel rushed. As of yesterday, I stopped using the DBT form altogether. I am even considering giving up on the therapy with this psychologist after my next (sixth) session instead of seeing it through to the ten sessions my GP is willing to refer me for.

With the difficulty of further tobacco reduction, I am succeeding in reducing this a little more but the effort is gargantuan and seems to be sapping all the strength I have for making it out the door to my activities and appointments (or even to get dressed and showered). Writing here is just about the only thing that is distracting me from smoking again or thinking about it obsessively.

I've run out of steam on writing about it all now (a huge sigh of relief from any readers at this point).

I wonder if anyone else can make any sense of this.

27230 replies

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In response to: A long rave

Re: A long rave

@Bunniekins I appreciate your perspective and experience here GP but I will also play the devil's advocate ...you have lost a lot in your life because of your son's illness and I wonder also what lasting impact that has had on the remainder of your family. Whilst I cannot put myself in your shoes in this example I can say from experience of family violence the long term effects that has had on me. The continued violence within the family certainly changed me as a person and very much held me back from a lot in life. The greatest effect was the ongoing trauma and a majoe contributing factor to my self-esteem and self-worth.So whilst I totally get that you have been supported by your son2 in your own battle with MI as well as you being both a support and advocate for your son ...what impact has that had on your other family members - would your daughter still have experienced chronic depression and would your eldest have moved so far away. I do not mean to place blame or in any way invalidate your situation now GP but I do believe that there are often much wider consequences for others around people that are violent, abusive and unable to control their behaviour or emotions. I can totally see why you stood by your son - you love him and wanted to protect him but the fallout from that can also mean others are impacted adversely ...and from what you have said this is very much the case. In saying that I also admire your commitment to your son2 and respect your position here but everyone in a similar situation also has the right to put themselves first - especially when their own mental health is being affected to such a point that they can no longer function themselves with such turmoil in their lives ...so in that regard I fully support @octavia for taking the action she has because I can very much hear that she is not only suffering but her situation is causing immense personal pain and fear - and no-one should have to live like that.

In response to: A long rave

Re: A long rave

@Appleblossom I am so sorry to hear your evening on NYE was cancelled and with no warning or correspendence. That is not only frustrating and annoying but certainly does not help when we are already fragile. I am glad you took steps via email to sort it out - I hope you voiced your feelings about how upset you were and how inconsiderate it was to cancel and not tell you - grrr!!!! Feeling for you Apple.

In response to: A long rave

Re: A long rave

@Appleblossom hugs to you Appleblossomxx:)

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

@Zoe7 @Appleblossom @Bunniekins @Adge we are heading down to mental health. To try and figure out a solution. The battle is long and hard. We will never give up on our son. A new solution is needed . So it's back to the drawing board for us

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

@Zoe7 Hi Zoe7 son1 and daughter are stronger for the turmoil which engulphed our little family during those hellish times. The bond is strong between them all now more than ever. They love their brother and he loves them. I suppose what I am saying is after the storm, and it is a storm, there are calm waters.

Daughter may have chronic depression due to son2 behaviour who knows, it wouldnt have helped. She is doing well now with a few hiccups due to her aspergers.The thing is I see someone in trouble like having schizophrenia and the mother comes out in me I cannot help it due to son2.

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Hugs @Bunniekins

and the mother encourages her children to grow and walk as well as feeding and defending them.

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

I am really pleased to hear you have the ball rolling there to help with your step son @octavia and you have support. I know you do not want to give up on him but please look out for your own needs too - your MH is just as important as anyone else's.

As with everything @Bunniekins there are different sides from whatever perspective we individually take and the experiences we have all had. You have done what you felt was best by your children and that is all you can do and that is also all anyone can ask of someone. My persepctive is solely of one of those children having to live through violence but yours is as a mother of all your children - and as a mother you not only never gave up on your son2 but supported, encouraged and nurtured him through the worst of times - that takes strength GP - and it is good to know your kids are all close now.

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

@Zoe7 @Appleblossom @Bunniekins @Adge @eth it's all gone down hill. At this point in time my husband and I are splitting up. I told him I can't take it anymore, the abuse, the violence, the disrespect. I've had enough, it's destroying us. It's unhealthy , and it's not right.but yet we still let it exist in our lives.im done

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

It certainly seems like you have reached your breaking point @octavia Hearing you Hon and here with you

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

@octavia

You need to do what is right for you. I have no idea what that is, but can walk along while you explore your situation and feelings to come to a firm decision one way or another. As there are often more than one person and relationship at stake it can take a while to get clarity. Take your time, but know you are worthy of a life and a home.

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