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A long rave

A long rave

Edit Feb 2018: This thread has evolved into a chat thread, which is fine by me. In addition, I encourage other members to feel free to post their own 'long raves' in here too if wished. I will continue to post my own longer raves from time to time, as well as chat with friends along the way.

Original post from May 2016:

First of all, a (very) long post alert. Please don't feel obliged to read or respond. Mainly I am writing today to clear my own head of some things. So, here goes...

Last week, I managed to get to all planned appointments and activities every day of the week except Sunday. That only amounts to one, maximum two, per day, but was an improvement on previous weeks and months. I've made all planned appointments in a week before, but there have not been so many appointments in so many days consecutively. Many of you will know that, prior to about mid last year, I spent years very rarely leaving the flat. This was since the last of my breakdowns from paid employment in 2008 (one of so many similar breakdowns from paid working, though none as devastating in consequence as this last one). With each of these breakdowns, the recovery time got longer and longer. It's taken eight years to recover much at all this time around.

This week, so far, I've made none of my appointments or activities. In fact, I've not showered for days. Embarrassing to admit but maybe helpful to own up to it. As I write I'm still in what I wore to bed, as I was all day yesterday and the day before. The weird thing is that I don't feel that bad in my emotions, just crashed out physically and lacking almost all motivation except to use the computer. In other words, my mind and fingertips are alert and active, in fact nervy and overactive as usual, but the rest of me is crashed out. Perhaps I have entered what some people call a bipolar 'mixed state'. Whatever the terminology, this is where I am and I've been here so many times before.

The way I see it, there are a number of possible reasons for the way I am after last week:

  • inner conflict about how helpful my psychologist treatment is for me (saw her on Friday);
  • trying to further reduce my tobacco intake (the struggle seems disproportionately huge and exhausting);
  • needing recovery time from a big week (by my standards);
  • simply another manifestation of bipolar disorder in me.

Regarding the psychologist. She is young compared to me and I have the feeling that she may not grasp the full extent of my situation, partly through lack of life experience. Perhaps she may particularly lack an understanding of the various physical ailments that complicate things with me, some age-related (menopause, musculo-skeletal problems), one of them a chronic illness (crohns disease). She is treating me with some techniques from Dialectical Behavioural Therapy, something I honestly have never liked the sound of when I've read about it. The main 'homework' I have for this four week period is a sheet I am meant to fill out every night covering various things including tobacco use, coffee intake, isolating, unbalance eating, sleep patterns, lack of exercise. The sheet also includes sections monitoring mood every day. The problem I find is that monitoring and (by implication) tackling all these things at once is just overwhelming. I am significantly depressed after filling out the form because it seems to highlight all the ways I am failing rather than the ways I am succeeding. The psychologist has given me this sheet as homework once before and it had the same effect on me then. A full month long slump into depression is what followed. This sheet makes me feel very pressured to recover quickly from all of these things at once, a message that contradicts the advice of my psychiatrist (who I trust much more). His advice is to take it slowly and steadily and not feel rushed. As of yesterday, I stopped using the DBT form altogether. I am even considering giving up on the therapy with this psychologist after my next (sixth) session instead of seeing it through to the ten sessions my GP is willing to refer me for.

With the difficulty of further tobacco reduction, I am succeeding in reducing this a little more but the effort is gargantuan and seems to be sapping all the strength I have for making it out the door to my activities and appointments (or even to get dressed and showered). Writing here is just about the only thing that is distracting me from smoking again or thinking about it obsessively.

I've run out of steam on writing about it all now (a huge sigh of relief from any readers at this point).

I wonder if anyone else can make any sense of this.

27230 replies

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In response to: A long rave

Re: A long rave

You have allowed him to stay before when he has been warned what will happen if this behaviour continues @octavia so he really has done this to himself. Inappropriate behaviour and treating those around him with disdain and disrespect cannot be explained away because of mental illness - that is his choice and the consequences are now also his to deal with. Stick to your decision Hon - you have the right to live without his constant negativity and abuse.

In response to: A long rave

Re: A long rave

@Appleblossom I got to that stage. I told my husband, I couldn't live like this anymore. I was and am still feeling this way. It's gone on too far now. One of us has to go.

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

@octavia

Each circumstance is unique and I value committed marriages in the community, so it has to be your decision, but you dont owe a step child to live in hell.

For me the damage to 2 younger children in the family tipped my hand. So I arranged for them both to live away from her influence. Though things are still difficult. I know it was the right decision. The older girl still has a teenage outlook but is over 30. My other girl got her act together at school and has a bought a house, and my son still does the fair, try and include her in things, but realising the limitations.

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

@octavia @Appleblossom @Zoe7 Hi everyone I have been reading these posts keenly and I have to say I am deeply concerned re step son. My post wont be popular but I have to say this in defence of those with a mi like schizophrenia. My son2 was violent to the extreme (with sharp objects threatening us etc) for 6 years, day after day our lives were hell, until his hormones finally settled and his medications finally took effect,

Dont give up on your step son. He is sick and the illness is making him say and do these things.

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

I welcome your post and understand your point of view. @Bunniekins Many parents will do anything to justify their child's behaviour.

Also Many people can come back from the intensities of a Schizophrenic diagnosis. With so many diagnoses in my family, I have seen many outcomes. My mother and ex husband turned it around and hubby coped a lot better after 16 years of my normalising attitudes, work and activities, but I barely escaped with my life and certainly not my health or family in tact. Not sure that my brother would have completed suicide if exhub had been less cynical and manipulative in his particular Sz style. SO many ways Sz can manifest itself. Still limits are important. My ex step daughter never had a Sz diagnosis and has spent more time mocking and manipulating in others treatment protocols. If she had suffered psychosis, my heart would have been touched more, but my interventions probably equipped her well enough for life. Her behaviour and life looks more like NPD, sad but true, with many overseas trips, fancy clothes and daddy getting off hook situations. Yet she wanted to have control of my nephew's medication, the one without a father ... hmmm ... rather than look into her and her parentages issues.

The natural parent does have some responsibility to the Step to be realistic. Even more so if younger people and children are involved.

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

@Appleblossom My son2's diagnosis destroyed my marriage contributed to my schizoaffective disorder dignosis brought on chronic depression in my daughter and made my eldest travel to germany to get away from it all. It literally sent me insane. It was hell and that is no exaggeration but honestly all in all I look back I survived it if not in one piece.

I also have the perspective of having a mi and the only person who stood by me during my madness was my mother and son2. I remember that. My ex went with his gf my children left one by one except for my schizophrenic son. Just two of us left.

I am not telling anyone what to do just giving a perspective from both sides. Having a mi like schizophrenia is a lonely ride.

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

@Appleblossom note: not saying that you were saying I was doing that. Just wanted to put a case in for those with schizophrenia like illnesses.xxx

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Hearing you @Bunniekins

and yes it is probably the most maligned and misunderstood mental health condition. I really dislike people who cite MH as a reason to discard somebody, but having a MH condition does not excuse everything ... it all depends on individual circumstances.

I put a lot of effort trying to understand both my parents' diagnosis, they were both very different personalities, education, gender, of course and upbringing and ethnicity, but they both were religious and had different traumas in childhood, but definite trauma. My mother did not understand my father at all. It has taken his oldest daughter to look back and very hard work and diligent application for all sorts of govt files, for me to get a sense of their stories. Its also very scary growing up with parents with that diagnosis and gave us kids something like a 40 % chance of getting it too etc ... I personally diagnosed self as with schizoaffective disorder and autism while looking through books in different unis etc .... but my health care professionals are coming to the opinion that my responses /personality were "normal" for my upbringing ... and seem reluctant to offer a Dx ... I will probably get a mood disorder dx when my ndis plan comes due ... but I also hope my neck condition gets proper attention ... and I finally have gp who sees that. She is also a female with a degree in psychology, and 72, so not frightened or overwhelmed by psychiatry and endless editions of the dsm. I feel very fortunate to have finally found someone who impresses me, as having both the LOGIC and COMPASSION as a doctor.

In a way I am similar situation as it is my youngest son who stands by me, but not becasue of my MH. When I told him my pdoc thought I had Bipolar Mixed State he as adamanat I did not ...

My bottom line is ...

when there is trauma ... and significant psychic suffering to suggest a MH Dx ... to help bring about proper services ... that is alright ... and compassion for all should be involved.

From your posts I have a sense of feeling for some of the difficulties you and your son face. That is partly why your presence and wonderful cheerfulness is special.

Hugs @Bunniekins

@octavia

@Zoe7

Thanks for the NY shoutout as well as the sand oasis. It helped me get through a potentially difficult night after not being told the party was cancelled and me driving out to the address for an hour to only find the neighbour's cat at "home".

Sorted it now by email, but those things can destabilise my very fragile sense of alrightness.

Take Care

My son is cooking dinner now ... and wants to settle down and watch Jane Eyre which we only saw 15 mins of at Christmas .. a little late I know .. but when a kid cooks .... who is watching the clock??

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

@Appleblossom Thank you Appleblossom for your post it means alot to me. Thank you for hearing me and my son2. Sometimes I feel like I am on a cliff screaming into the abyss for son2....

I really hope your doctor gives you the answers you are looking for. I am sorry you had such a hard beginning. Life can be so tough like that. I feel there is so much you havent told me re your childhood and it is none of my business but here you are a caring and strong woman. Again thank you for validating my feelings. Love peaxx

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Aaaahhh Motherhood @Bunniekins

The desire to protect is strong and nobody can really say what the right balance of provision and expectation upon adult or young children is. It all depends.

I watched my mother struggle with my brother and have my own with my boy, but dinner last night was great and yum

Hugs Pea

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