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A long rave

A long rave

Edit Feb 2018: This thread has evolved into a chat thread, which is fine by me. In addition, I encourage other members to feel free to post their own 'long raves' in here too if wished. I will continue to post my own longer raves from time to time, as well as chat with friends along the way.

Original post from May 2016:

First of all, a (very) long post alert. Please don't feel obliged to read or respond. Mainly I am writing today to clear my own head of some things. So, here goes...

Last week, I managed to get to all planned appointments and activities every day of the week except Sunday. That only amounts to one, maximum two, per day, but was an improvement on previous weeks and months. I've made all planned appointments in a week before, but there have not been so many appointments in so many days consecutively. Many of you will know that, prior to about mid last year, I spent years very rarely leaving the flat. This was since the last of my breakdowns from paid employment in 2008 (one of so many similar breakdowns from paid working, though none as devastating in consequence as this last one). With each of these breakdowns, the recovery time got longer and longer. It's taken eight years to recover much at all this time around.

This week, so far, I've made none of my appointments or activities. In fact, I've not showered for days. Embarrassing to admit but maybe helpful to own up to it. As I write I'm still in what I wore to bed, as I was all day yesterday and the day before. The weird thing is that I don't feel that bad in my emotions, just crashed out physically and lacking almost all motivation except to use the computer. In other words, my mind and fingertips are alert and active, in fact nervy and overactive as usual, but the rest of me is crashed out. Perhaps I have entered what some people call a bipolar 'mixed state'. Whatever the terminology, this is where I am and I've been here so many times before.

The way I see it, there are a number of possible reasons for the way I am after last week:

  • inner conflict about how helpful my psychologist treatment is for me (saw her on Friday);
  • trying to further reduce my tobacco intake (the struggle seems disproportionately huge and exhausting);
  • needing recovery time from a big week (by my standards);
  • simply another manifestation of bipolar disorder in me.

Regarding the psychologist. She is young compared to me and I have the feeling that she may not grasp the full extent of my situation, partly through lack of life experience. Perhaps she may particularly lack an understanding of the various physical ailments that complicate things with me, some age-related (menopause, musculo-skeletal problems), one of them a chronic illness (crohns disease). She is treating me with some techniques from Dialectical Behavioural Therapy, something I honestly have never liked the sound of when I've read about it. The main 'homework' I have for this four week period is a sheet I am meant to fill out every night covering various things including tobacco use, coffee intake, isolating, unbalance eating, sleep patterns, lack of exercise. The sheet also includes sections monitoring mood every day. The problem I find is that monitoring and (by implication) tackling all these things at once is just overwhelming. I am significantly depressed after filling out the form because it seems to highlight all the ways I am failing rather than the ways I am succeeding. The psychologist has given me this sheet as homework once before and it had the same effect on me then. A full month long slump into depression is what followed. This sheet makes me feel very pressured to recover quickly from all of these things at once, a message that contradicts the advice of my psychiatrist (who I trust much more). His advice is to take it slowly and steadily and not feel rushed. As of yesterday, I stopped using the DBT form altogether. I am even considering giving up on the therapy with this psychologist after my next (sixth) session instead of seeing it through to the ten sessions my GP is willing to refer me for.

With the difficulty of further tobacco reduction, I am succeeding in reducing this a little more but the effort is gargantuan and seems to be sapping all the strength I have for making it out the door to my activities and appointments (or even to get dressed and showered). Writing here is just about the only thing that is distracting me from smoking again or thinking about it obsessively.

I've run out of steam on writing about it all now (a huge sigh of relief from any readers at this point).

I wonder if anyone else can make any sense of this.

27230 replies

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In response to: A long rave

Re: A long rave

@Zoe7 I'm beyond breaking point. If I don't don't figure a way to get through the evening soon. im checking myself into mental health tomorrow, it's just not working and it's not ok.

We did it for too long and got lost in there

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Is there somewhere you can go tonight to get out of it both physically and emotionally until tomorrow when you can make that decision for yourself @octavia

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

For me the last straw was a psych nurse from the CAT telling me that it was logical for me to leave. Rather than be admitted they came to the house for a while and I moved out of the bedroom. I My children were younger and so it was a totally different situation, but dont necessarily assume you have "a MH problem". I would suggest to get into a safe space ... with a friend ...or even a hotel ... by yourself and start SELF CARE. Get back to the old you.

I made my moves but will always be grateful for the nurses comment. She was just matter of fact rather than buying into endless mental health talk.

@octavia

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

@Zoe7 @Appleblossom it is what it is. Can't change it.its just life.

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Something needs to change as you cannot keep gping on along this path @octavia As @Appleblossom and I have already suggested - can you get out tonight ...a friend, a hotel, somewhere that you can have some space from your situation and look after YOU.

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

@octaviaIt is important to see life as it is. Changing others is tricky on many levels and rarely recommended. Developing a sense of safety for you is top priority. I am not sure what you have in place. A spare room, hideaway, signals to your spouse for comfort or space. The father has a lot of say in what is accepted as house rules or normal. My ex started ridiculing his own child rather than engage proactively, that made me feel sad for both of them and distance internally. I had higher hopes for our family.

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

@Appleblossom @Zoe7 We got him crisis housing. My only downfall is, I care too much. I take the abuse, I accept it as part of my life. That's who I am, a loving, caring person. Will give anybody a chance or 2. I use this forum as an escape and to vent. It does help me. Maybe I'm wrong, and should live life differently. Situations like this, really makes you question your own judgement. 😔

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Glad he has housing. @octavia Independence the best way for him to regain self esteem; to manage his life without dumping on you.

It can be good to look up information about the difference between enabling and caring. As adults, they have to make their own way. As vulnerable people. they need patience and compassion.

Hugs

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

I'm done guys, just done. I thought it would get easier after he left. It hasn't, I think the damage has been done mentally. It really scares me with the state I'm in. It's new and I don't like it. I've lost myself @Appleblossom @Zoe7 @Bunniekins @Adge

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

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