A long rave

Thanks very much @CheerBear

Good Morning Mazy @Mazarita, Claire @outlander, @Faith-and-Hope, @Shaz51, @CheerBear, @eth, @Appleblossom and Everyone

I had a big day yesterday, I went into the big smoke and got me a fancy, comfortable camp chair (and a hammock chair, and a camp shower and loo!} Luckily I checked my Post box before heading into the city, because an Aunty {that I haven't seen for years, but we write to each other occasionally} sent me $200!!! Which was a real boost for my camp shop! 🙂 I also got to Aldi's and did my grocery shopping, plus quite a few christmas table items {fudges, jelly lollies, nuts, things that will keep} and over to Woolies for my smokes {the most expensive part of my shopping!}. By that stage my spending was spent 🙂 And I'd lost a set of keys (I discovered this after my trip into the camping shop as my canopy key is on a different set to my ignition key: Luckily I had a spare, but now I'll have to get another one cut so I have a spare! ;)) Ususally I'd go into a big life-line or second hand store of some kind - but I was buggered and went home. Considering it took me till lunch time to get me out the door, the city is 1 & a 1/2 hrs away, I was doing well to get home at 5.30-6 o'clock. I'd only taken the little fella with me, as the young fella goes stir crazy sitting in the back of the car for that many hours; so as soon as I got home, before I even unpacked the shopping, I took the dogs for their walk.

We went up the road a little and the young fella took off, which is the norm. I had to go . . . , so it was only going to be a quick walk {before I unpacked the shopping}, but he didn't come back, which sometimes happens for a while. So I went back home, went to the loo, grabbed a smoke and went back out looking. By the time I got back out on the road I was worried, it was no longer the norm - he always comes bounding back eventually! So I started calling, but I had no whistle on my lips - it just wouldn't come out. I could hear a dog barking, but to be honest it sounded like a smaller dog than my guy; but it was coming from the direction where he'd dissapeared so I went and looked. It was at the backyard of my nearest neighbour, who I'd never met.

There he was, sitting in that backyard . . . on the end of a chain! I immediately hooked him up to his gentle leader {like a dog halter} and tried to undo the pin on a small D-shackle that was holding the chain around his neck {WAY to tightly!}. But it wouldn't bugde! . . . my hands don't work very well, my fingers just don't seem to have any grip or strength - I actually started calling out 'Hello' in a bit of a panic, as I needed whoever it was that did the shackle up to undo it! Eventually a man came out, I told him the dog was mine and asked if he had a pair of pilers to undo the pin as it was too tight. He kind of smiled {smirked?} and said 'yes it is', then went into his choice of 'greet the neighbour' . . . and told me he didn't appreciate my dog on his property, chasing his animals {I didn't see any animals?} and that he also didn't appreciate me coming from the back of the property and that I should have gone through the front gate {which is on another road, so basically a block away}.

I can't remember the exacts of the conversation . . . confrontation . . . except for the realization that my dog was on a chain with a pin so tightly wound up I couldn't undo it, it was uncomfortably tight around his neck: it was also hooked up to his collar, but there was no swivel; I was not leaving without my dog and I told him so. I remember something about him saying he'd get the Police and I just said Yes, even lied a little and said if I had my mobile with me I'd be calling them myself! I did apologize for the young fella being on the property and told him I was his neighbour, and just kept asking if he had a pair of pliers because the chain needed to come off.

After some verbal exchanges this man walked off inside. I couldn't even tell you what the place looked like, my focus was on that pin and that chain! I tried again to undo it, but it wouldn't budge . . . & I wouldn't budge without my young fella, so I decided to just sit on the ground next to him. After a short while the man returned and, I don't remember if the lady was with him then or if she came out while he was undoing the pin, but I'm guessing his wife/partner also came out. I said hello to her and I apologized for the young fella being on their property, explaining I was on a walk with him and that I was a 'neighbour', finishing up with something like 'I'll go now' and turning to go back to my property. But no, no, no - the man insisted I go out the front gate . . . which meant walking around the block. The lady walked me out, mentioning the young fella was a good dog {he walks pretty well on a lead and halti}, I agreed and said it's just that he's young healthy and full of energy . . . which is why I walk him. I complimented her on the lovely garden, then said goodbye and walked home.

So the walk ended up being longer than expected, with both dogs on lead. We got to just in front of the house yard gate and I let them off . .. and the young fella took straight off in a line back to the neighbours property!!! I couldn't believe it!! I knew I'd have to approach via the 'front' gate, and I wasn't walking the block again! So I had to unpack the car, to be able to put the young fella into the car. I did call him for a bit, but he had just bee-lined back as far as I could tell - so I just started unpacking the car, I had quite a bit to unpack as I'd shopped 'till I dropped! It wasn't normal behaviour for the young fella, he's never done anything like it before - I couldn't help wondering what 'animal' the man had referred to, was it a female in season? though my young fella's desexed. I finally got the car unpacked and necessary items shoved in cupboards {otherwise the cat will attack them :)} and was heading to the car to enter through the front gate . . . when the young fella came galloping down the driveway 😄

He was a bit wet, like maybe he'd been squirted with a hose, but I was soooooooooo glad to see him 😄 😄 I'm guessing he went back and got shooed away. I'm grateful that he wasn't chained back up again, and am thinking of taking over a peace offering to apologize for him returning and thanking them for it. But it's a real downer that I can no longer take the young fella for a wallk around my own property! never loan my local little dirt road. My neighbour has declared that he doesn't want my dog setting foot on his property, chasing, whatever it was that the young fella had darted straight back too, with no fence inbetween them. So I'm not sure what to do, I reckon the young fella will just have to go on lead for 'at home' walks, but the little fella should still be ok - but it's the young fella that needs to run more so.

So I don't know what to do really. It was quite the 'I do not do' type confrontation, almost felt like an old fashioned protest when I decided to sit down because I didn't know what else to do. My World is shrinking, becoming sufficatingly small - my sanctuary has diminished to the size of a houseyard . . . at least there's 20 acres of trees around me, between my critters and I and the next nasty Human Beings.

I got a bit way laid from writing my message this morning, got carried away opening the new fancy, super duperly comfy camp recliner; putting together the gorgeous hanging hammock chair and picking out a couple of spots I might like to hang out in a cool breeze on a hot afternoon 🙂 - still have to get shackles and chains for it; setting up a twin 12vt socket on my overhead fans batery, so I could check the new camp shower works . . . and it does 🙂 and putting together my new fold up loo {I have a portable flush loo, but it's quiet bulky, this one's just a fold out seat and a bag . . . much more practical ;)} I'd like to pack the car for camping today, but I have the largest mountain of dishes my kitchen has seen for a long time! Maybe I can combine washing dishes & clothes and a bit of general cleaning up, with reorganizing & repacking camp gear 😉

Well, in the course of 1 morning, my emotions have roller-coastered with many sudden tight corners, shifts and turns. This post seems to be a bit of a me, me, me blurb; but I have to admit the whole fiasco with the young fella's really rattled me. I can tell because it hasn't 'hit me hard' . . . yet: rather I can feel it bubbling and boiling under the surface . . . and that's worse. I like being 'out here' because there really isn't anything much to draw people out, so it stays a lot more basic. When I came here, about 18 years ago, there really weren't many neighbours. I had noticed there barn/home some years ago and it had and conitued to grow in size and buildings. There is a lovely, well established, well tended vegi garden, and a tidy, organized looking lifestyle.But now my neighbour, whos property borders/boundries my own, and I have basically argued - I liked not having neighbours.

I'll just have to make hopping into the car and going somewhere for a walk a daily routine, and if I need to go to town - well then I'll do that while I'm at it. Otherwise the young fella has to be on lead now, even on my own property as it's not fenced; which means more stress about ensuring I shut the front house-yard gate. We call our cancerous growth progress. We're clearing the surface of the Planet everywhere we go, These areas reflect heat a lot more than the 'uncleared' land, which is refleacted back by the pollution trapped in our upper atmosphere: and we're spreading at an agressively cancerous rate! So it's adapt or die, and probably die later anyway! So we adapt, hopefully we'll find better methods to do so than what we're using right now - because they're not working! . . . or we keep trying to adapt until we become extinct.

Well, after that cheery note, I think I've rambled on enough for the day and should do something about moving mountains and organinzing going to visit a couple maybe 🙂 😉 🙂 I've been writing this, on and off, all morning; in fact it isn't even morning anymore 🙂 So Hello and Catch ya later 😉

I hope you all are safe and able to smile 🙂

Love to all that want to receive it

Niqua

Oh @Former-Member

It was a rollercoaster day, but I am glad you are alright. I always love reading your bush and camp stories and it brings me back to the 20 years where I was chief camper and organiser of holidays for the kids. I cant live that lifestyle anymore but like doing it vicariously reading about your adventures. it is easier on my neck! It was great to hear about your shopping haul. We increased our camping items very slowly as we were struggling with a big mortgage and $100 per year was all we could afford. It is impressive that you take responsibility and manage it all. YOU GO GIRL.

Dont let Nasty hooman beans in love with their front gate wreck your GOOD caring for the planet - life style. I am not a dog owner but I really felt for you and your dog with the chain around his neck. Some people are so FULL of themselves and their rights.

I have to go but lovely to hear from you.

Hi @Former-Member all I can say is you are way braver than I am. I don't know how I would have dealt with the situation you had with a confrontational neighbour. Go you!! What a shame you have to restrict your dog's freedom now. Either that or probably big $$ for more fencing..

Hi Niqua, so sorry there was this painful event today. I would have freaked and been very fearful in that situation. My imagination would have reeled when the neighbour went inside his house, wondering what was going to come back out. What an incredible nerve he had to chain up your dog like that! Grrrrr. You are so brave to have stood up to him!

But it is a pity that there has been this bad feeling between you. Jumping in the car and going somewhere for a dog walk sounds like it could be a good addition to your days,. But I understand your disappointment and bad feelings about not being able to let the dogs free, even on your own land. Hugs for the big shakeup you've had and for the feelings they have left behind.

Awesome to hear about the money coming from your auntie. It's so great when there's a little bonus cash. Great that it allowed you to buy the camping equipment. Good to hear about your food shopping and that you have some goodies for xmas. Glad you had a spare set of keys (I locked myself out of the flat today too!).

I agree 'progress' has run amock and, as far as I know, there's no sign of things slowing down. It often seems to me that we are driving ourselves to extinction. I hope I'm wrong. But humans will inexorably become extinct at some point in the future. That just seems to be the way of species. It's a shame we seem to be speeding up that process for ourselves and so many other species.

And on that cheery note, I'll just send love to you. @Former-Member

Hi @Appleblossom, @eth, everyone. Hope your evening is going okay or better.

Middle of the night. Thoughts flowing from my psychologist appointment today. She said that one big thread in my sessions with her so far suggests I may also have Avoidant Personality Disorder, separate to Bipolar. I guess I've been a bit afraid she might question or alter my diagnosis. Although we say they are 'just labels', they also become frameworks through which we make sense of our experiences, and to understand our lives.

My therapist is a clinical psychologist, which only makes her diagnosis seem more solid. I also like, respect and feel great rapport with her, which also lends weight in my mind to her thoughts.

So what is it about me that would lead her to believe I may have Avoidant Personality Disorder? I don't think it would be obvious to everyone that I might fit this label. But I do have a history of intense social anxieties since I was a child, an ongoing thread in my life. There is a long standing pattern of being unable to cope with the social dynamics of school and the workplace. I have had about 50 jobs in my life, almost all of which I broke down from. These are shameful failures and experiences to me despite whatever brave 'reframing' of the memories I might do. Low self esteem (deep down, yes, intensely). Withdrawal from people (long periods of not leaving the flat). I guess I tick a lot of the boxes, though in another way I feel like I'm all about communication.

I don't know yet quite how I feel about this new idea of me. So this is just a bit of self reflection, and processing of therapy, this solitary night.

The peace and feeling of expansive space I find at this time is unparallelled.

Hiya @Mazarita.

Just dropping in. I haven’t 'visited' you for ages. It’s interesting you talk about avoidant behaviour. I have lots of avoidance in my personality too. I tick boxes from that too. My latest diagnosis is mixed type personality disorder (jack of all trades, master of none).

Im not sure it helps to have the labels but it does help to work through the behaviours. My avoidance of anything uncomfortable has been huge this year.

im really pleased to see you connecting with a psychologist. It’s seems like a new journey (sorry brain can’t find a different word) of self discovery.

Ive missed reading on here lately but wanted to say hi to you and @eth and @Former-Member. I hope things are ok for you all. 💜🤗

Hiya @CheerBear. I see you are up too. I haven’t slept yet 😳:face_with_rolling_eyes:

how are you feeling?

Hi @Teej, great to see you this morning.

Ah, so mixed personality disorder. Maybe we've both just got mixed up personalities.

Seriously though, I do take this stuff seriously, at the same time questioning it. Yes it is great to have found this wonderful woman to talk with. I love that we laugh at something or other at almost every session. She seems very perceptive and continues to focus me on healing low self image (mirror exercises), lack of forgiveness of self (a gesture and an affirmation), gratitude (reminding myself throughout days) and washing away heaviness when I'm in the shower.

Good morning @CheerBear, it warms my heart to sense your presence at this time of day, just got your 'likes'. Cheers! How are you this new day?

Good morning to anyone else floating around too.