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A long rave

A long rave

Edit Feb 2018: This thread has evolved into a chat thread, which is fine by me. In addition, I encourage other members to feel free to post their own 'long raves' in here too if wished. I will continue to post my own longer raves from time to time, as well as chat with friends along the way.

Original post from May 2016:

First of all, a (very) long post alert. Please don't feel obliged to read or respond. Mainly I am writing today to clear my own head of some things. So, here goes...

Last week, I managed to get to all planned appointments and activities every day of the week except Sunday. That only amounts to one, maximum two, per day, but was an improvement on previous weeks and months. I've made all planned appointments in a week before, but there have not been so many appointments in so many days consecutively. Many of you will know that, prior to about mid last year, I spent years very rarely leaving the flat. This was since the last of my breakdowns from paid employment in 2008 (one of so many similar breakdowns from paid working, though none as devastating in consequence as this last one). With each of these breakdowns, the recovery time got longer and longer. It's taken eight years to recover much at all this time around.

This week, so far, I've made none of my appointments or activities. In fact, I've not showered for days. Embarrassing to admit but maybe helpful to own up to it. As I write I'm still in what I wore to bed, as I was all day yesterday and the day before. The weird thing is that I don't feel that bad in my emotions, just crashed out physically and lacking almost all motivation except to use the computer. In other words, my mind and fingertips are alert and active, in fact nervy and overactive as usual, but the rest of me is crashed out. Perhaps I have entered what some people call a bipolar 'mixed state'. Whatever the terminology, this is where I am and I've been here so many times before.

The way I see it, there are a number of possible reasons for the way I am after last week:

  • inner conflict about how helpful my psychologist treatment is for me (saw her on Friday);
  • trying to further reduce my tobacco intake (the struggle seems disproportionately huge and exhausting);
  • needing recovery time from a big week (by my standards);
  • simply another manifestation of bipolar disorder in me.

Regarding the psychologist. She is young compared to me and I have the feeling that she may not grasp the full extent of my situation, partly through lack of life experience. Perhaps she may particularly lack an understanding of the various physical ailments that complicate things with me, some age-related (menopause, musculo-skeletal problems), one of them a chronic illness (crohns disease). She is treating me with some techniques from Dialectical Behavioural Therapy, something I honestly have never liked the sound of when I've read about it. The main 'homework' I have for this four week period is a sheet I am meant to fill out every night covering various things including tobacco use, coffee intake, isolating, unbalance eating, sleep patterns, lack of exercise. The sheet also includes sections monitoring mood every day. The problem I find is that monitoring and (by implication) tackling all these things at once is just overwhelming. I am significantly depressed after filling out the form because it seems to highlight all the ways I am failing rather than the ways I am succeeding. The psychologist has given me this sheet as homework once before and it had the same effect on me then. A full month long slump into depression is what followed. This sheet makes me feel very pressured to recover quickly from all of these things at once, a message that contradicts the advice of my psychiatrist (who I trust much more). His advice is to take it slowly and steadily and not feel rushed. As of yesterday, I stopped using the DBT form altogether. I am even considering giving up on the therapy with this psychologist after my next (sixth) session instead of seeing it through to the ten sessions my GP is willing to refer me for.

With the difficulty of further tobacco reduction, I am succeeding in reducing this a little more but the effort is gargantuan and seems to be sapping all the strength I have for making it out the door to my activities and appointments (or even to get dressed and showered). Writing here is just about the only thing that is distracting me from smoking again or thinking about it obsessively.

I've run out of steam on writing about it all now (a huge sigh of relief from any readers at this point).

I wonder if anyone else can make any sense of this.

27230 replies

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In response to: A long rave

Re: A long rave

its different for sure @Mazarita

i do like it except on bad days its lets all the bad thoughts in but the quiet helps as too much noise is overwhelming so its a good change 🙂

In response to: A long rave

Re: A long rave

i aways thought it was selfish to look after myself and put myself first. --- me tooo @outlander but it has taken me a loooonng time to do what you just said , and i still feel guilty about it , and i find it hard to find the right balance @Mazarita, @PeppiPatty, @eth, @CheerBear

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

I know what you mean about the quiet time allowing us to hear our own thoughts more, good or bad, @outlander. I get stuck too in dark thoughts at times most days. I try to relax as much as I can with them, or distract, like coming to the forum (gets me focussed on writing and other people as well as myself), or doing something creative on the computer. I know how hard it can be to escape the dark some days though.

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

me too @Shaz51 i guess its hard for alot of people to do and alot are brought up to help others before helping ourselves, but in order to help others we must first help ourselves

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

I can really hear those of you in caring roles @Shaz51 @PeppiPatty @outlander. I did it for many years and can only encourage you to find ways of having time-out, periods when you can really take care of yourself. It's not selfish and means you have more to give when you are caring. There's a saying "You can't give from an empty cup" meaning you need to refill your cup sometimes and give from the overflow or you'll get too depleted. I agree with it.

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

it can be very hard @Mazarita but like you keep pushing on and use the strategies that work to help us up and out

yep for sure @eth

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

yep totally true @eth

that is it @outlander

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

I agree too, @eth. It's one thing I've noticed on the forum. People here seem to beat themselves up about not looking after other people, more than the usual 'joe'. It's just not something I hear a lot from people in the really real. We all have to care for ourselves. I saw the Dalai Lama in Melbourne some years ago and he talked about compassion for all. He emphasised that we must not forget to have compassion for ourselves too.

In response to: A long rave

Re: A long rave

DEar @outlander

Yes, it is very difficult to start taking care of yourself and

1. ....a lot of people have it here.

2. .....lots and lots of people jump up and down bleating......Time to take care of yourself and they don't know what it is....

Taking care of yourself for me is a very personal one. I'm even seeing right now it's really difficult to do down time and take care of myself. I decided to test my husband.......I stopped making coffee in the morning. He is walking now and he promised me that because I've stopped everything to care for him, he will return the favour. So for about three days.......theres no coffee. Lots of swearing happening which I find stressful. Lots of .......

" You havent done this one properly."

" You should have......"

I need to take care of myself so I lay down and waited. It's very hard not to revert back quickly.

I feel sad thinking of how you had to grow up so quickly. I do not want my son to feel this but on the other hand, don't want him to rely excessively on us.

Do you think that you could look at something that maybe you can do for you?

I am looking at making earrings again........

In response to: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Hello my good friends @Mazarita @Shaz51 @eth @outlander

These are awesome messages to me......thankyou for saying hello to me @eth

How are you ?

Whats happening tomorrow @Mazarita & @Shaz51 ?

@outlander this is one of my favourtie pictures that I have to post on Sane forums. I always think of it when I see your progile picture......

:0)

PeppiPatty.....

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