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A long rave

A long rave

Edit Feb 2018: This thread has evolved into a chat thread, which is fine by me. In addition, I encourage other members to feel free to post their own 'long raves' in here too if wished. I will continue to post my own longer raves from time to time, as well as chat with friends along the way.

Original post from May 2016:

First of all, a (very) long post alert. Please don't feel obliged to read or respond. Mainly I am writing today to clear my own head of some things. So, here goes...

Last week, I managed to get to all planned appointments and activities every day of the week except Sunday. That only amounts to one, maximum two, per day, but was an improvement on previous weeks and months. I've made all planned appointments in a week before, but there have not been so many appointments in so many days consecutively. Many of you will know that, prior to about mid last year, I spent years very rarely leaving the flat. This was since the last of my breakdowns from paid employment in 2008 (one of so many similar breakdowns from paid working, though none as devastating in consequence as this last one). With each of these breakdowns, the recovery time got longer and longer. It's taken eight years to recover much at all this time around.

This week, so far, I've made none of my appointments or activities. In fact, I've not showered for days. Embarrassing to admit but maybe helpful to own up to it. As I write I'm still in what I wore to bed, as I was all day yesterday and the day before. The weird thing is that I don't feel that bad in my emotions, just crashed out physically and lacking almost all motivation except to use the computer. In other words, my mind and fingertips are alert and active, in fact nervy and overactive as usual, but the rest of me is crashed out. Perhaps I have entered what some people call a bipolar 'mixed state'. Whatever the terminology, this is where I am and I've been here so many times before.

The way I see it, there are a number of possible reasons for the way I am after last week:

  • inner conflict about how helpful my psychologist treatment is for me (saw her on Friday);
  • trying to further reduce my tobacco intake (the struggle seems disproportionately huge and exhausting);
  • needing recovery time from a big week (by my standards);
  • simply another manifestation of bipolar disorder in me.

Regarding the psychologist. She is young compared to me and I have the feeling that she may not grasp the full extent of my situation, partly through lack of life experience. Perhaps she may particularly lack an understanding of the various physical ailments that complicate things with me, some age-related (menopause, musculo-skeletal problems), one of them a chronic illness (crohns disease). She is treating me with some techniques from Dialectical Behavioural Therapy, something I honestly have never liked the sound of when I've read about it. The main 'homework' I have for this four week period is a sheet I am meant to fill out every night covering various things including tobacco use, coffee intake, isolating, unbalance eating, sleep patterns, lack of exercise. The sheet also includes sections monitoring mood every day. The problem I find is that monitoring and (by implication) tackling all these things at once is just overwhelming. I am significantly depressed after filling out the form because it seems to highlight all the ways I am failing rather than the ways I am succeeding. The psychologist has given me this sheet as homework once before and it had the same effect on me then. A full month long slump into depression is what followed. This sheet makes me feel very pressured to recover quickly from all of these things at once, a message that contradicts the advice of my psychiatrist (who I trust much more). His advice is to take it slowly and steadily and not feel rushed. As of yesterday, I stopped using the DBT form altogether. I am even considering giving up on the therapy with this psychologist after my next (sixth) session instead of seeing it through to the ten sessions my GP is willing to refer me for.

With the difficulty of further tobacco reduction, I am succeeding in reducing this a little more but the effort is gargantuan and seems to be sapping all the strength I have for making it out the door to my activities and appointments (or even to get dressed and showered). Writing here is just about the only thing that is distracting me from smoking again or thinking about it obsessively.

I've run out of steam on writing about it all now (a huge sigh of relief from any readers at this point).

I wonder if anyone else can make any sense of this.

27230 replies

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In response to: A long rave

Re: A long rave

@eth

Hearing you. Good to tag Community Manager as they need to factor it in more on this site as well. Its not just a little miracle that people who are going through the "same thing" can give support, and so a box can be ticked off.

Mainly because very few people really go through exactly the same thing. The human reality that underlies any person with a diagnosis is COMPLEX. Labelling is a human way of reducing complexity and has a value, but is the tip of the iceberg. Without respect for whole person and the particular circumstances come further injustice.

You probably already did a lot of essential valuable work.

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

@eth I have no helpful words of wisdom to offer, other than you are a shining light around here. We all have our unique issues/labels, or whatever they are, to deal with. All we can give is our best.

Sending this to brighten a tiny corner of you day. Hang in there. 💕💜

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Thanks for your support @Appleblossom and @Maggie it's much appreciated.

Today is the big day ... I start my driving lessons this morning. I have that 'calm before the storm' feeling - all I can do is be ready on time and take it one minute at a time while I'm doing it. The fear of freaking out is high, but I will have my support worker with me as well as the instructor (she's coming because I don't want to go alone with a male I don't know). The worst that can happen is that I ask them to bring me home. I wish I was excited about it. Have been trying to picture myself doing it without spinning out from anxiety, hypervigilant and full of 'what ifs' when a passenger, but feel a sense of disbelief when I do so. I just have to remember to breathe and get through it and hopefully it will get easier over time. 7 lessons between now and Christmas, most of them 1 1/2 hours, and the OT thinks that will be enough for me. I hope so too.

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Hi again @Appleblossom have read a post from you on another thread. I really hope last night was peaceful for you and that son's moving out is going smoothly. And that the 'new boundaries for all' really work for you xx

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Hi @Bunniekins hope you had a better night and are able to feel refreshed this morning.

In response to: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Hi @eth. Just catching a couple of posts here and there and wanting to offer you some ❤. I hope you're able to bounce back from the experiences you've had entering in to peer support and not allow it to shake your confidence too much.

I find my peer support work (which is kind of counselling with a peer support focus) such meaningful way of using my experiences for 'good' and I'm guessing that may be important to you too. I've had a couple of experiences where I've felt the pang of missing the mark or not feeling the connection or a match in meeting a person where they are at (not saying that any of those things happened for you necessarily but they have been there for me). It can feel quite shaky at the time and can take some time and some intentional letting go while holding on to the knowledge that I did my best and it just happens at times. I also like to think that I learn from these experiences and that like everything, it's a journey that can be wonky at times. Hope you keep swimming through it eth ❤

Best wishes with the driving today. I found driving super scary when I started venturing out and about but now (years later) it's liberating and I'm really glad I kept at it.

Hugs x

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Hi @CheerBear thanks enormously for your reflections and encouragement. Much appreciated. MUCH!!

Re : the driving - I still have an open licence and am ok with the mechanics of driving, it's everything going on outside the car that stresses me. Plus one time I actually blacked out while driving and woke up still doing 80 with traffic either side of me. A total miracle that I didn't hurt myself or someone else. So I'm afraid of how the level of anxiety might affect me, scared of dissociating at the wheel, or getting tunnel vision which can happen when I'm hypervigilant. Still, best I stop naming the fears at this stage I guess. Support worker here in an hour and then lesson will start by 10 with the instructor. I'm so glad sw is coming, she's really good at reminding me I'm safe and re-centering me.

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Anytime @eth ❤ You are and will continue to be fab.

So hear you above and similar things went on for me too (and yep, perhaps not such a good idea to name it all right now). I became an expert in "I can feel my hands on the wheel, my feet in my shoes, the sun on my right arm etc." 😉🙂 Anything that helps. Really glad you have someone coming who sounds very supportive and helpful. Big breaths ❤

I'm off for a drive I didn't think I'd ever be able to do, to my gig now. Will think of you on my way there, channeling those hopes for you.

👋

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

@CheerBear xx

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

@eth

Best of luck today. It sounds like a fair plan. Driving is not something we can have complete control of. Focus on what you can do and keep open, alert but try not to let the alarmed bit overtake you.

He has a place to go this time. His father is putting in money and took the lease so its in joint names. SO the challenge will be him managing his life and bills with a little help from family. His father said the words "I am not setting him up to fail" with a smile. My internal response was... that was what you did for me with the children and the marriage. Set me up to fail. He also said he was giving my superannuation to Josh and I could access it through him. It is guilt money and I did use those words but without anger. Whatever. Its all the games and betrayal and multiple consequences for many people in being in a broken family. Have to let it go or it will eat me up.

Kandinsky - Fragile

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