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A long rave

A long rave

Edit Feb 2018: This thread has evolved into a chat thread, which is fine by me. In addition, I encourage other members to feel free to post their own 'long raves' in here too if wished. I will continue to post my own longer raves from time to time, as well as chat with friends along the way.

Original post from May 2016:

First of all, a (very) long post alert. Please don't feel obliged to read or respond. Mainly I am writing today to clear my own head of some things. So, here goes...

Last week, I managed to get to all planned appointments and activities every day of the week except Sunday. That only amounts to one, maximum two, per day, but was an improvement on previous weeks and months. I've made all planned appointments in a week before, but there have not been so many appointments in so many days consecutively. Many of you will know that, prior to about mid last year, I spent years very rarely leaving the flat. This was since the last of my breakdowns from paid employment in 2008 (one of so many similar breakdowns from paid working, though none as devastating in consequence as this last one). With each of these breakdowns, the recovery time got longer and longer. It's taken eight years to recover much at all this time around.

This week, so far, I've made none of my appointments or activities. In fact, I've not showered for days. Embarrassing to admit but maybe helpful to own up to it. As I write I'm still in what I wore to bed, as I was all day yesterday and the day before. The weird thing is that I don't feel that bad in my emotions, just crashed out physically and lacking almost all motivation except to use the computer. In other words, my mind and fingertips are alert and active, in fact nervy and overactive as usual, but the rest of me is crashed out. Perhaps I have entered what some people call a bipolar 'mixed state'. Whatever the terminology, this is where I am and I've been here so many times before.

The way I see it, there are a number of possible reasons for the way I am after last week:

  • inner conflict about how helpful my psychologist treatment is for me (saw her on Friday);
  • trying to further reduce my tobacco intake (the struggle seems disproportionately huge and exhausting);
  • needing recovery time from a big week (by my standards);
  • simply another manifestation of bipolar disorder in me.

Regarding the psychologist. She is young compared to me and I have the feeling that she may not grasp the full extent of my situation, partly through lack of life experience. Perhaps she may particularly lack an understanding of the various physical ailments that complicate things with me, some age-related (menopause, musculo-skeletal problems), one of them a chronic illness (crohns disease). She is treating me with some techniques from Dialectical Behavioural Therapy, something I honestly have never liked the sound of when I've read about it. The main 'homework' I have for this four week period is a sheet I am meant to fill out every night covering various things including tobacco use, coffee intake, isolating, unbalance eating, sleep patterns, lack of exercise. The sheet also includes sections monitoring mood every day. The problem I find is that monitoring and (by implication) tackling all these things at once is just overwhelming. I am significantly depressed after filling out the form because it seems to highlight all the ways I am failing rather than the ways I am succeeding. The psychologist has given me this sheet as homework once before and it had the same effect on me then. A full month long slump into depression is what followed. This sheet makes me feel very pressured to recover quickly from all of these things at once, a message that contradicts the advice of my psychiatrist (who I trust much more). His advice is to take it slowly and steadily and not feel rushed. As of yesterday, I stopped using the DBT form altogether. I am even considering giving up on the therapy with this psychologist after my next (sixth) session instead of seeing it through to the ten sessions my GP is willing to refer me for.

With the difficulty of further tobacco reduction, I am succeeding in reducing this a little more but the effort is gargantuan and seems to be sapping all the strength I have for making it out the door to my activities and appointments (or even to get dressed and showered). Writing here is just about the only thing that is distracting me from smoking again or thinking about it obsessively.

I've run out of steam on writing about it all now (a huge sigh of relief from any readers at this point).

I wonder if anyone else can make any sense of this.

27230 replies

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In response to: A long rave

Re: A long rave

good on you @Angels333 getting out there 🙂

happy birthday my friend. Yes it is very warm today in sydneytown.

don't get burned my friend. Just go out and enjoy your day. You have that much to look forward to 🙂

In response to: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Happy birthday @Angels333 I hope you and Mr Angels enjoys the outing. 🎂🎂🎂🌹🌹🌹🌸🌼🌻

In response to: A long rave

Re: A long rave

@Angels333 Hey Angels333 Happy Birthday! Hoping you have a wonderful day at Sculptures by the Sea :). Stay well hydrated and as cool as possible. Love peaxxx

In response to: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Hi all. Made it to lunch on a busy day, sitting having pumpkin, ricotta and pine nut quiche with iced coffee. Spent 2 hours with the most adorable little 2 year old cuddled up hanging on like a monkey. She is not used to being away from family, and when mum bought her in she took my hand. I picked her up and she wrapped her arms and legs around me just like a little monkey so mum left saying to get her if there was any trouble. SHe stayed with me the whole time.

After lunch am setting up for the weekend for the girls. Have most of the building we are decorating etc so will be a long tiring afternoon, but it is worth it for the girls

In response to: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Happy birthday @Angels333 I hope there has been some good in your day so far and you enjoyed the sculptures Sending you love and hugs especially for today

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

happy birthday @Angels333 🎊🎈🎉🎁

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

this is the worst feeling in the world. knowing you've got life together. while your step son is spiralling out of control. full well knowing, hes an adult, and there's nothing you can do about it. as you watch him, destroying his own life. he won't listen, he doesn't care. how much time do u invest into it before u go, I give up?

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Hi again @octavia I'm deeply feeling your situation at this time. Sending you all the strength in the world to keep yourself safe and find the right path to walk through the chaos and strife.

At one stage my child's behaviour was so out of line (violently abusive) that I stayed elsewhere away from my home for 3 months. They were doing grade 12 and are legally blind so I chose not to make them leave. The police had been called many times by neighbours who thought it was me abusing her. It was the other way around. In the end I applied for, and was granted, a modified AVO from the court. To get that I had to do an affidavit detailing numerous episodes and stating police report numbers. The AVO said that if she threatened or abused me one more time within the next 12 months she would be charged and it would be on her record forever, but didn't say she had to keep a certain distance from me. That way we could both reside in the home but she would still be bound by a 'behaviour order'. The magistrate took her into an office and gave her a good talking to as well. So I was able to return to my home and we somehow co-existed for another year. The day after the order expired she acted out on me again. By this time she was working, so had her own income and the responsibilities of an adult legally. The police told her she had to go live elsewhere and she took off with her boyfriend. It was really hard to see that happen but I had no control over it. And I was safe in my home. And she didn't have me anymore as a focus for all her anger at the world.

In recent years we have reconciled, as they are now a decade further into adulthood and a parent, and we have both done a lot of work on forgiveness.

I am writing my story here with the hope of helping you prevent it getting to that stage with your step-son. As I said, I really feel for you and I'm hoping you don't have to do what I did, but letting you know you do have the right to peacefully enjoy your home and be safe.

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

@eth as sad and surprising it is to read your story. in a weird way. I find it comforting. maybe it's the fact that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. that you have experienced it and u made it out to the other side. I really don't know. I'm stuck in that hard place. I've ran out of ideas to try. I guess that's why I feel hopeless. I'm at the stage, his crazy, is making me crazy. I've never thought about suicide before. but that thought did pop into my head earlier in the week. i pulled myself up very quickly, telling myself woah lady, my anxiety and I have a long standing agreement, we can deal with each other like yin and yang. its fine. one thought of suicide the deals off. the problem is, was it me that thought that? or my anxiety? I have no clue.

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Hearing you loud and clear @octavia . Whether the thought came from you or your anxiety, it's really important that you say no to it please. You are not alone here and have support and a listening ear. I will continue to listen. I do encourage you to reach out in your offline life as well, you need some face to face support of some kind. Do you see a psychologist or counsellor at all? I hope your step-son's other parent is supporting you too. Take care, I care.

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