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A long rave

A long rave

Edit Feb 2018: This thread has evolved into a chat thread, which is fine by me. In addition, I encourage other members to feel free to post their own 'long raves' in here too if wished. I will continue to post my own longer raves from time to time, as well as chat with friends along the way.

Original post from May 2016:

First of all, a (very) long post alert. Please don't feel obliged to read or respond. Mainly I am writing today to clear my own head of some things. So, here goes...

Last week, I managed to get to all planned appointments and activities every day of the week except Sunday. That only amounts to one, maximum two, per day, but was an improvement on previous weeks and months. I've made all planned appointments in a week before, but there have not been so many appointments in so many days consecutively. Many of you will know that, prior to about mid last year, I spent years very rarely leaving the flat. This was since the last of my breakdowns from paid employment in 2008 (one of so many similar breakdowns from paid working, though none as devastating in consequence as this last one). With each of these breakdowns, the recovery time got longer and longer. It's taken eight years to recover much at all this time around.

This week, so far, I've made none of my appointments or activities. In fact, I've not showered for days. Embarrassing to admit but maybe helpful to own up to it. As I write I'm still in what I wore to bed, as I was all day yesterday and the day before. The weird thing is that I don't feel that bad in my emotions, just crashed out physically and lacking almost all motivation except to use the computer. In other words, my mind and fingertips are alert and active, in fact nervy and overactive as usual, but the rest of me is crashed out. Perhaps I have entered what some people call a bipolar 'mixed state'. Whatever the terminology, this is where I am and I've been here so many times before.

The way I see it, there are a number of possible reasons for the way I am after last week:

  • inner conflict about how helpful my psychologist treatment is for me (saw her on Friday);
  • trying to further reduce my tobacco intake (the struggle seems disproportionately huge and exhausting);
  • needing recovery time from a big week (by my standards);
  • simply another manifestation of bipolar disorder in me.

Regarding the psychologist. She is young compared to me and I have the feeling that she may not grasp the full extent of my situation, partly through lack of life experience. Perhaps she may particularly lack an understanding of the various physical ailments that complicate things with me, some age-related (menopause, musculo-skeletal problems), one of them a chronic illness (crohns disease). She is treating me with some techniques from Dialectical Behavioural Therapy, something I honestly have never liked the sound of when I've read about it. The main 'homework' I have for this four week period is a sheet I am meant to fill out every night covering various things including tobacco use, coffee intake, isolating, unbalance eating, sleep patterns, lack of exercise. The sheet also includes sections monitoring mood every day. The problem I find is that monitoring and (by implication) tackling all these things at once is just overwhelming. I am significantly depressed after filling out the form because it seems to highlight all the ways I am failing rather than the ways I am succeeding. The psychologist has given me this sheet as homework once before and it had the same effect on me then. A full month long slump into depression is what followed. This sheet makes me feel very pressured to recover quickly from all of these things at once, a message that contradicts the advice of my psychiatrist (who I trust much more). His advice is to take it slowly and steadily and not feel rushed. As of yesterday, I stopped using the DBT form altogether. I am even considering giving up on the therapy with this psychologist after my next (sixth) session instead of seeing it through to the ten sessions my GP is willing to refer me for.

With the difficulty of further tobacco reduction, I am succeeding in reducing this a little more but the effort is gargantuan and seems to be sapping all the strength I have for making it out the door to my activities and appointments (or even to get dressed and showered). Writing here is just about the only thing that is distracting me from smoking again or thinking about it obsessively.

I've run out of steam on writing about it all now (a huge sigh of relief from any readers at this point).

I wonder if anyone else can make any sense of this.

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In response to: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Morning @eth

Had a bit of a disturbed night. Had a letter in the mail that upset me yesterday (nothing bad, just the idea of it). It was just suggesting a medical test and it was a trigger

Have craft this morning so should be ok.

In response to: A long rave

Re: A long rave

@eth

@cutiepiekitty

@Angels333

@Appleblossom

@Gazza75

I managed to get an appt with dr. I need to explain a few things to her. Ive also touched base with the person so far dealing with my case.

Im going to try & head in to c the manager of DVA to let them know why this is overwhelming me so much.

Most people think i should just b excited about getting $ but it was never about that to me. Its about the truth coming out how i lost all my security at age 19. The mess it left me & fact i have never been able to regain any sense of security. Its about the true impact sexual harassment assault & abuse has on a woman.

I have cried heaps so far today. I cant do anything today. Ive left a message with psychologist just in case he gets a moment to speak to me cause i wont c him til Mon. They didnt have any appts this wk. Because im so strong & resilient people just dont get how much its affected me. Surviving moving surviving etc.

So much is upsetting me at the moment.

All the yrs of searching for help to fix my back then all the bullying to try & stop me. Running from gym to gym to get away from the nasty untrue gossip to hurt me. When all i wanted to do was fix my back. The $ i spent on fixing it to get out of pain. Everyone got something from me & now i think what was it all for because no1 is going to do what i did so i really cant help anyone. People get given exercises by people to prevent surgery but they dont do them. Its easier to sit back & complain & say oh poor me i have to have an operation.

People just dont help themselves. Everyone in Melb said get out of here its horrible here. But none of them left but me.

I go to c a show & am surrounded by crippled up people. They will gladly spend $50 on entertainment but wont spend a cent on their body . everyone wants a quick fix too. There is no quick fix it took yrs for your body to get damaged & will b a few yrs of hard work fixing it.

I remember when i quit nursing at 22. I couldnt care about anyone else cause i was just in so much pain myself.

It feels like im right back there.

Especially caring for no $.

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Hi @cutiepiekitty hope your craft morning helped you feel better today.

Hello @Former-Member great to hear you will see the Dr soon. The more you can tell them the better they can help you. Hope your psychologist gets back to you soon too. When I was a massage therapist (for nearly 30 years) I reached a point where I became really frustrated by the fact I was showing everyone what stretches and moves they could make to prevent their physical discomfort and most of them not doing them. Then I was online one day and came across a description of 'compassion fatigue' - it fit me to a tee, I felt such relief to know it was actually a thing and I was better able to accept it and change the way I approached my work ... saved me a lot of what felt like largely wasted effort. You might be interested to google it.

Hope you are feeling a bit better by now.

Take care both of you.

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

@eth

I just think its not my nature to care for others. I feel too much.

I trained under an exercise physiologist. Theyre the leaders in this industry. Lady i trained under was initially a pilates teacher then she realised she couldnt help people so she then got her masters in her field. She worked at place i met her & the group fitness instructors who arent in it to help people rather just $ les mills prevented people from seeing her. So thats why they bullied me when i saw her.

You see its different with exercise. I did yoga for yrs thinking stretch this that.

But once u see an exercise physiologist they go straight to the root cause. Give u right exercises that pulls entire body into allignment. Im now got almost full flexibility just from fixing the root problem.im more flexible than most yoga teachers. I had yoga teachers pts so many in Melb that saw me crippled up then straight asked me what i did. I only saw the EP 3 times.

I have it stated on my fb page it takes a team to fix ur body.

Thing is im the only person telling people to c an exercise physiologist.

Its why i went into bodybuilding in my 50's. Once i understood the mechanucs of the body & did what she said i could feel within 2 days it was working. Ive never returned to another yoga class or another group class.

I just dont think i can do a job helping people. I knew that with nursing. Cause no1 was ever there for me.

Im a very self disciplined person.

What i did is apparently gold in this industry but thats because its my nature & i was so desperate to c how much i could straighten my body.

I had massage therapists asking me too. What i did cant b done tho without the use of one piece of equipment in a gym. Women 55+ wont go into a gym tho so i know i cant help them.

At the classes in the gym i share my secret & tell them what equipment how to use it & how to massage their glutes for free. But in the hall i cant help them.

Im just wasting my time. Im better off using my time to work more on piano as thats nurturing me !!!!

I cant give because im not receiving.

Theres no balance at all!

No $ in this industry. People complain about paying $10. Im working for $10. Thats a joke for the knowledge i have.

No wonder the ep quit teaching pilates cause it doesnt fix ur body nor does yoga. Nor does boxing etc etc.

I cant do this cause i have nothing coming back to me.

I cant lie to people & pretend its going to fix them when i know its not.

Its a total dead end im better quitting now & keeping my secret to myself.

No1 was ever there to help me. No family no friends all my life. Its just always been me.

Im going to let this dr know how out of line she was in telling me forgiveness will fix complex ptsd. She has hurt me so much. I forgave my mother & let her back into my life & she revealed in hurting me. Kick u whilst ur down.

So i was forced to stay away from my family

U c i didnt do the course to teach. I did 8yrs of fixing my body. The course taught me nothing. But people who dont have to fix their body do these courses & earn $. The aqua teacher here. Taught for 25yrs is asking me now how to fix her body. My posture makes them feel intimidated. She got the job tho & i spent those 25yrs doing things to help me stay alive.

I should never have taught.i should just stay right away from helping people cause it only upsets me.

Lollipop duty doesnt upset me. Army didnt upset me.

Nursing upset me.

Ive avoided carers jobs for yrs i just didnt think this would b another god damn carers job.

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Hi @eth and @Former-Member

Managed to make it through craft with help but am going to spend the afternoon in bed! Was triggered again when we got our newsletter because it again mamogram which is something that terrifies me and I am not going near!!! Too much personal.

Others came and were helping me try to stave off panic, a couple realise when things are not good and try to help even when they do not know what is happening. They have no idea on the trigger because I can't tell them.

Then I felt overwhelmed at the way others were showing me love. I am not used to that and have never had it. It was just little things. Someone bought in a book they had finished reading and gave it to me, another made my coffee, and the one that really got me was when one gave me a wonderful present! She has been away for just over a week and bought me back the most beautiful scarf and a dozen nougats. I find such things as gifts for no reason hard to get as I have never had them. Just felt so loved, and have trouble accepting that I deserve it. I have been told I do but still am not at a stage where I believe it.

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

@cutiepiekitty

I relate to feeling unworthy of receiving.

Im glad they were nice to u

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Thanks @Former-Member Glad someone understands. All I could manage to do was give her a huge hug and tell her that I love her! I know I have some very special people around, but they can't ever fully understand what things are like for me because they have not been t here that I know of. I am very grateful for such people

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

I have tied the scarf onto Monkey. He is where I go when I am panicking, overwhelmed etc. So I have wrapped it sort of like a sari around him. That way I hope that as well as him comforting me it will help me to remember that R chose to buy that on her holiday for me and loves me enough to give it to me. Also the texture being different to Monkey will hopefully help me get a grip on grounding which I am trying to get a grip on

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

How lovely for you @cutiepiekitty to receive those gifts. Random acts of kindness go a long way sometimes. Hope that resting this afternoon helps you feel better.

@Former-Member I have to say that with 'fixing' the body I believe it's different strokes for different folks, horses for courses as they say. Different things, or combination of approaches work for different people. And within any profession there are workers with different approaches and some more effective than others more because of who they are and how they treat people than the actual method used. Just what I think. I don't believe there's any one specific 'secret method' that works for everyone no matter what state they are in. Same goes with physical health or mental health. 30 years of working with bodies taught me not to be righteous about my own approach. Just thinking out loud here. I am 56 and started working in bodyworks at 19, and have done over 30 semester units at a tertiary level of study as well as my work experience. Some massage therapists and body workers only do a couple of weekend courses before they start having customers.

I do think it would help you to read about 'compassion fatigue' as I suggested earlier. It really helped me at one stage. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Compassion_fatigue

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

@eth and @Former-Member I also think it is a personality thing whether you get along with someone in a profession. If someone has a different understanding or ethics to you then often they are not a good fit for you, but may be perfect for someone else. It also helps if they are intuitive to what you do not say or do as much as what you do. That's just my take on it

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