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A long rave

A long rave

Edit Feb 2018: This thread has evolved into a chat thread, which is fine by me. In addition, I encourage other members to feel free to post their own 'long raves' in here too if wished. I will continue to post my own longer raves from time to time, as well as chat with friends along the way.

Original post from May 2016:

First of all, a (very) long post alert. Please don't feel obliged to read or respond. Mainly I am writing today to clear my own head of some things. So, here goes...

Last week, I managed to get to all planned appointments and activities every day of the week except Sunday. That only amounts to one, maximum two, per day, but was an improvement on previous weeks and months. I've made all planned appointments in a week before, but there have not been so many appointments in so many days consecutively. Many of you will know that, prior to about mid last year, I spent years very rarely leaving the flat. This was since the last of my breakdowns from paid employment in 2008 (one of so many similar breakdowns from paid working, though none as devastating in consequence as this last one). With each of these breakdowns, the recovery time got longer and longer. It's taken eight years to recover much at all this time around.

This week, so far, I've made none of my appointments or activities. In fact, I've not showered for days. Embarrassing to admit but maybe helpful to own up to it. As I write I'm still in what I wore to bed, as I was all day yesterday and the day before. The weird thing is that I don't feel that bad in my emotions, just crashed out physically and lacking almost all motivation except to use the computer. In other words, my mind and fingertips are alert and active, in fact nervy and overactive as usual, but the rest of me is crashed out. Perhaps I have entered what some people call a bipolar 'mixed state'. Whatever the terminology, this is where I am and I've been here so many times before.

The way I see it, there are a number of possible reasons for the way I am after last week:

  • inner conflict about how helpful my psychologist treatment is for me (saw her on Friday);
  • trying to further reduce my tobacco intake (the struggle seems disproportionately huge and exhausting);
  • needing recovery time from a big week (by my standards);
  • simply another manifestation of bipolar disorder in me.

Regarding the psychologist. She is young compared to me and I have the feeling that she may not grasp the full extent of my situation, partly through lack of life experience. Perhaps she may particularly lack an understanding of the various physical ailments that complicate things with me, some age-related (menopause, musculo-skeletal problems), one of them a chronic illness (crohns disease). She is treating me with some techniques from Dialectical Behavioural Therapy, something I honestly have never liked the sound of when I've read about it. The main 'homework' I have for this four week period is a sheet I am meant to fill out every night covering various things including tobacco use, coffee intake, isolating, unbalance eating, sleep patterns, lack of exercise. The sheet also includes sections monitoring mood every day. The problem I find is that monitoring and (by implication) tackling all these things at once is just overwhelming. I am significantly depressed after filling out the form because it seems to highlight all the ways I am failing rather than the ways I am succeeding. The psychologist has given me this sheet as homework once before and it had the same effect on me then. A full month long slump into depression is what followed. This sheet makes me feel very pressured to recover quickly from all of these things at once, a message that contradicts the advice of my psychiatrist (who I trust much more). His advice is to take it slowly and steadily and not feel rushed. As of yesterday, I stopped using the DBT form altogether. I am even considering giving up on the therapy with this psychologist after my next (sixth) session instead of seeing it through to the ten sessions my GP is willing to refer me for.

With the difficulty of further tobacco reduction, I am succeeding in reducing this a little more but the effort is gargantuan and seems to be sapping all the strength I have for making it out the door to my activities and appointments (or even to get dressed and showered). Writing here is just about the only thing that is distracting me from smoking again or thinking about it obsessively.

I've run out of steam on writing about it all now (a huge sigh of relief from any readers at this point).

I wonder if anyone else can make any sense of this.

27230 replies

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In response to: A long rave

Re: A long rave

@Former-Member Achtung Baby .. ha .. 😎 .. thanks for your reply 😀 .. .. Talk to Me .. lol .. ok

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Ok wow Hi @Bella2 lol

In response to: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Nice meeting you too @Former-Member . One of the things that helps me is to put the music on and concentrate on the words. I have put a variety of songs on my phone and put in earbuds and listen when I start to panic if I can. Some days certain songs are really helpful, other days the same song makes it worse. So I scroll until I hit one that is right for that time. Two of my friends have realised that I do it, and have quietly said to me when I start to have trouble "do you need your music?". That I find great. They worked it out without me telling them, and I have just told them it calms me. They know that my phone and buds are in my little green bag, and one day one rather than say something in a group one just picked it up and handed it to me. Another asked one day if music helps me with something and I just told her yes. Not going into detail with them. Have one that came out and said she had been through some things and asked if I had been through them and I just nodded. She is now one of my great helps. We do not know each others story but knowing that we have shared troubles from the past is a comfort.

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

@cutiepiekitty

So awsome ur able to do that & calm down. Such great people to have also recognised what works for u.

In my yrs of total solitude whilst on no meds i used to sing along to Karen Carpenter everyday. It really kept me alive. I was such a hermit. Everyone triggered me off. Before her i was quite obsessed with Ella Fitzgerald. I read their biographies also. I really related to their hard painful lives.

I really do owe my life to music. Like was so damn cruel & i had absolutely no self worth or confidence. Struggled to spend $2 on a shirt for myself. No $ no family no friends but i stayed alive singing along to those ladies & fiddled with music on a computer all day. For one yr i never spoke to anyone apart from the psychiatrist weekly.

It was around that time i started meditation & started to hear the lyrics to the first songs.

Think the words to the older songs r way better than the songs of today.

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Definitely agree @Former-Member. My phone has Colleen Hewett, John Farnham, the Carpenters, Suzanne Vega, ABBA, The Mavricks, ONJ, Michael Carrol, Seekers, Cher, Dolly Parton, Queen...... quite a mix but mainly older acts. I also enjoy Ella Fitzgerald, the Delltones, the Bee Gees and Slim Dusty. I also have read lots about singers/acts I like and have found many of them have had hard lives and have overcome a lot.

I actually also write down in a little notebook I have the lyrics to songs that get to me or I understand in a deep way. That book also has poems that have been given or recommended to me and sayings that help. Then at times when I am unsettled I get out my A4 notebook and write. Often I will write the lyrics or a poem into it and start to write what the song lyrics mean to me. That often leads to writing out other things too. I don't stop to think what I am writing at the time, and sometimes I go and read it back later and find that I have written things that I have not consciously thought. Can be quite enlightening.

Music can be so healing, and the same song can be great or awful just by who performs it. Someone singing a song about painful events that has not experienced the pain can make a reasonable job of it. but someone that has been through what they sing about does not just perform the song, they live it from their soul into the soul of those that need to hear the message in it. I actually not long ago sent a message to a singer/ writer whose song I found that really spoke to me to thank them for the meaning in it. Even though I never expected to hear back (I know many of these people do not bother to even read their messages, but this is an older person, as in around 60 I believe) I got the most beautiful reply. That made it even more special to me, that she took a couple of minutes to answer. She even said that singwriters live on that their songs may touch and help someone and hoped I got strength from it. She has not recorded or done many songs that I know of and I found it by accident, but obviously it was meant to be.

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Hi @Former-Member

@cutiepiekitty

Music can be helpful in so many different ways. Re nightmares ... I have suffered from the periodically and then I went a long time without recalling any dreaming at all. It believed that was unhealthy and it has taken a few years of calming my system down with meds to start having dreams again and now they get too vivid at times .... but I stll see it as a necessary processing of subconscious material by the mind.

Sometimes we need to put up with the meds and others the nightmares. That meds may totally suppress them is probably not a good thing ... IMO.

@Former-Member Hearing you about being trained wrong and the beauties of the old folk homes repertoire ... there is an innocence in those songs

Sounds like we had a lot of similar experiences ... as well as re neck back ... I used meditation, exercises, years at gym and osteo to improve mine. There is a lot that can be done that narrow minded medical model misses out ....

Keep on Keeping on

All you good people.

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

@Appleblossom

Well done for helping yourself. Many stop after seeing & hearing theres no help from a dr & just suffer & deteriorate.

Im starting to c a lot of that now im teaching exercise classes.

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

@cutiepiekitty

Gosh thats an amazing story about the songwriter.

Must have totally blown u away to get a response tho.

As for writing its an incredibly powerful healer. I wrote well it just came out my memoirs when i was pregnant. I couldnt sing when i was pregnant which pissed me off then i started to write daily. Well i cried kicked screamed. So much pain came out. Yeah ur not consciously writing i get that totally.

Recently i told this new psychologist i woke early knowing i had to write to my mother. He asked me if id bring it into next session so he could do EMDR on it. The following day i felt like i was somewhere else writing & writing til i was exhausted hey

Then when i stopped i cried heaps. Would have been a mess off meds. Im on a low dose cause i still want to feel my emotions & express them just controlled.

I havent even looked at it but felt heaps better a day or so later returning to normal activities.

I must have released a bunch of bottled up pain.

As a teenager i used to write letters to my parents cause they were hurting me. Never got any reaction tho. Just the way they were.

When my son was about 6 i must have said or done something that hit a nerve with him. He wrote a little note to let me know he was upset - & put it on my bed. It was so damn cute.

I called him into my room so i could talk to him & appologise. I didnt want him to bottle it up. He opened up & then spoke. It was so amazing how he found a way to express it tho.

Only thing i ever made him do was learn how to type. I got a kids program fun thing & he learnt really quickly cause if u can type fast u can get the words out so much quicker.

He types so fast!!!

Great no superb collection of songwriters u have there.

The way u described a singer reliving the song really grabbed my attention as i read. Thanks for sharing.

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

@Former-Member I sure was totally blown away with the response. I have put it in my book to go back to. When I have said to others about performing a song or doing it from the soul, many do not understand. I guess it is because they have not listened really to a song that has explained their life. Glad you could get what I mean.

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Good afternoon @cutiepiekitty @Former-Member @Appleblossom Not long home from work, have fed my fur babies and resting for a while. Have to go out again later tonight so don't feel like I can settle in ...and have some heavy emotional stuff to process so plenty of self-care before I head out again.

Hope you have all had okay days - haven't read back everything yet - love to you all

@eth You probably won't get this before you trip but sending you well wishes and a safe journey

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