FORUMS

Connect with people who understand what you are going through, seek advice and surround yourself with support. We're free, anonymous, and professionally moderated 24/7.

  • 47,612Members
  • 1,358,869Posts
  • 1,400,000Visitors
Our stories

A long rave

A long rave

Edit Feb 2018: This thread has evolved into a chat thread, which is fine by me. In addition, I encourage other members to feel free to post their own 'long raves' in here too if wished. I will continue to post my own longer raves from time to time, as well as chat with friends along the way.

Original post from May 2016:

First of all, a (very) long post alert. Please don't feel obliged to read or respond. Mainly I am writing today to clear my own head of some things. So, here goes...

Last week, I managed to get to all planned appointments and activities every day of the week except Sunday. That only amounts to one, maximum two, per day, but was an improvement on previous weeks and months. I've made all planned appointments in a week before, but there have not been so many appointments in so many days consecutively. Many of you will know that, prior to about mid last year, I spent years very rarely leaving the flat. This was since the last of my breakdowns from paid employment in 2008 (one of so many similar breakdowns from paid working, though none as devastating in consequence as this last one). With each of these breakdowns, the recovery time got longer and longer. It's taken eight years to recover much at all this time around.

This week, so far, I've made none of my appointments or activities. In fact, I've not showered for days. Embarrassing to admit but maybe helpful to own up to it. As I write I'm still in what I wore to bed, as I was all day yesterday and the day before. The weird thing is that I don't feel that bad in my emotions, just crashed out physically and lacking almost all motivation except to use the computer. In other words, my mind and fingertips are alert and active, in fact nervy and overactive as usual, but the rest of me is crashed out. Perhaps I have entered what some people call a bipolar 'mixed state'. Whatever the terminology, this is where I am and I've been here so many times before.

The way I see it, there are a number of possible reasons for the way I am after last week:

  • inner conflict about how helpful my psychologist treatment is for me (saw her on Friday);
  • trying to further reduce my tobacco intake (the struggle seems disproportionately huge and exhausting);
  • needing recovery time from a big week (by my standards);
  • simply another manifestation of bipolar disorder in me.

Regarding the psychologist. She is young compared to me and I have the feeling that she may not grasp the full extent of my situation, partly through lack of life experience. Perhaps she may particularly lack an understanding of the various physical ailments that complicate things with me, some age-related (menopause, musculo-skeletal problems), one of them a chronic illness (crohns disease). She is treating me with some techniques from Dialectical Behavioural Therapy, something I honestly have never liked the sound of when I've read about it. The main 'homework' I have for this four week period is a sheet I am meant to fill out every night covering various things including tobacco use, coffee intake, isolating, unbalance eating, sleep patterns, lack of exercise. The sheet also includes sections monitoring mood every day. The problem I find is that monitoring and (by implication) tackling all these things at once is just overwhelming. I am significantly depressed after filling out the form because it seems to highlight all the ways I am failing rather than the ways I am succeeding. The psychologist has given me this sheet as homework once before and it had the same effect on me then. A full month long slump into depression is what followed. This sheet makes me feel very pressured to recover quickly from all of these things at once, a message that contradicts the advice of my psychiatrist (who I trust much more). His advice is to take it slowly and steadily and not feel rushed. As of yesterday, I stopped using the DBT form altogether. I am even considering giving up on the therapy with this psychologist after my next (sixth) session instead of seeing it through to the ten sessions my GP is willing to refer me for.

With the difficulty of further tobacco reduction, I am succeeding in reducing this a little more but the effort is gargantuan and seems to be sapping all the strength I have for making it out the door to my activities and appointments (or even to get dressed and showered). Writing here is just about the only thing that is distracting me from smoking again or thinking about it obsessively.

I've run out of steam on writing about it all now (a huge sigh of relief from any readers at this point).

I wonder if anyone else can make any sense of this.

27230 replies

22,241 - 22,250 of 27,230

In response to: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Where are you off to on your trip @eth

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Canberra @MDT - where it's still going below zero some nights!

Heading out now and probably won't be back here til my return.

Take good care everyone.

@Exoplanet I'll be thinking of you a lot. Very much hope all goes smoothly for you. You'll probably out the other side by the time we meet again. Stay strong. You are resilient. Have a positive recovery journey.

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Have a great trip @eth

@Former-Member I sang 2nd alto for a while which fulfills the harmonic role. Piano is great as it teached harmony as part of the instrument rep. I did come to enjoy the feeling of being the rock in the chord, but also hankered for melody. Lately I am enjoying being a melody instrument playing descant recorder in a gypsy orchestra. Structure and discipline have a role, but music without pleasure and love is wasted. I am so over people telling me music is about discpline, just confused middle class pretention.

I also offered my son a lot of variety than doing music, but he chose to return to music at 16 ... they do need to make their own choices ....I would have been just as happy if he had chosen maths.

Sounds like you are well motivated.

Hey @Gazza75 Grandchildren @Mazarita @MDT

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

@Appleblossom

Yes so many r drilled with technique in music that theres just no enjoyment in it. I saw that a lot. Parents pushing their kids to prac.

The piano has such a variety of avenues. Blues classical etc. Hsrmony vs melody. I do like the challenge of sight reading. Did as a kid too. Was my strength then also.

If i play a piece that just doesnt grab me & i dont feel im learning anything from it im finding i just turn the page. Id rather buy another book with more songs than try to get every note & timing perfect but no enjoyment.

Lets face it @ 55 im not going to get a job out of it, well highly unlikely. However ill b interested to c if i revisit songwriting again.

Thats fun what ur doing tho. I loved playing the piccolo. Its great to do music with others in a band type situation.

I tried choir but found it boring. Sitting there waiting for each section. Too much sitting around for me.

Ill wait & join in musicals later. I like acting. Worked in tv industry. Ive been in 2 musicals. Just waiting to b more confident before committing.

I was originally trained as a sop doing opera but im actually a mezzo. So when i lived sth i had a good teacher that got me training correctly. My upper register is strong because of singing up there so id like to get it strong in the lower section before putting myself out there.

For now im happy plodding along by myself. Feels right.

Have fun with that gypsy group!

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

I did not sing as a kid. @Former-Member I was the organist. I kept my mouth shut ... but for lots of reasons life is encouraging me to keep my mouth open ....

I started singing late in life to get out of the house and left teenage boy at home which he preferred. I was also physically disabled (neck) by that the time, and loved just resting and listening, but am definitely getting picky about who I choose to listen to as the person out front.

You are lucky you had all that training early on. Its funny about categorising singers ... I think of it from more musician/ accompanist/ conductor's pov ... I am against too much ego in music ... the brilliant little so and so ... just so over the pretentions and economic advantages of it .... and being manipulated as a teacher by ambitious parents .... so now I prefer a chilled song around the campfire with blackfellas and clapsticks ... I am lucky to enjoy the full range of musical traditions ... cept ... amplified metal ... I prefer a lil Metallica bass line on the baby grand ... etc ...

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

@Appleblossom

I didnt sing as a child.i didnt speak as a child. Very much silenced by my family.

I hid in my room everyday doing music to get away from my family.

It was just lucky the sch put a viola in my hands & put me in the orchestra that i did discover music.

@ 27 i returned to aust & studied performing arts. To pass we had to sing. I was the last student to get up. I was terrified but thats where they discovered my natural theatre voice.

So i had some lessons but the teacher trained my voice all wrong. Its only been of late ive returned to private lessons & got on right track.

I do music for my own pleasure more than anything. My own self goals i think. Ill even b shy starting out with a teacher cause im so introverted.

Thats totally sad about your neck, very sad.

Its totally about self pleasure music rather than competition i feel.

So many styles & ways to do it either solo or with others.

I spent 8yrs in gyms fixing scholiosis. A lot of work & cost me a fortune @ osteopath & massage clinic but im glad i did cause ive only got little discomfort now & know how to maintain it.

Being in physical pain constantly is very hard. Hope ur getting all the right help there. Took me yrs of fighting the medical system physios chiropractors etc. They all said my condition couldnt b fixed. I just kept searching cause i knew i wasnt like it as a teenager.

Anyway its great ur still doing music after all these yrs!!!

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Hi @Former-Member I was never allowed to learn music or singing even though I always wanted to. I love listening to music, it helps to ground me when I am panicking and the mind goes wild. I have joined a couple of sites about music from the 50's to 70's. There is a bit of good stuff out there now, but much of it is just screaming and swearing. I still enjoy a lot of the older singers and bands around. Some are still entertaining well into their 70's and even 80's now.

In response to: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Hi @Appleblossom and all others here. Looking for advice. Anyone else had probs after a hard therapy session? Went yesterday and started into places that I have pushed down for so many years. Last night kept waking up with nightmares/flashbacks and today I am even more exhausted than when I came home yesterday. Anyone else had this problem? Any suggestions on what might work? Have been awake since 3.30 because I did not want to face the nightmares any more. Wondering if I should take a sleeping tablet tonight to try and get through or whether it would be worse? What has anyone else found?

I knew it would be hard but nobody warned me about this. B is not here again for 4 weeks probably because she only comes once a fortnight and she has training in 2 weeks. She is going to try to come a week early or late and will make sure I get an appointment if she can, but there is no guarantee. Have not had a panic attack for over a week since the meds started to kick in, but had one last night and 2 already today. Going to get out my notebooks and see if I can write it out or something. Sometimes that works. Just feeling so confused and exhausted that I feel I have gone so far back overnight. Is this normal?

In response to: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Thanks Herr @TAB 😺☕️

Hi @Appleblossom 👋

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

@cutiepiekitty

My first job returning to the workforce after 20-25yrs out was actually singing in nursing homes. They got me singing 30.40's songs & i was amazed by how well written they were. Brilliant songs to sing!

However to listen to the 50 & 60's grabs me. It certainly does help u ground alright when ur stress levels shoot thru the roof & ur brain races.

Imagine the world without music.

A lot of work & little income went into providing us with yrs of music.

Its amazing when u think about it.

Nice to meet u

22,241 - 22,250 of 27,230