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A long rave

A long rave

Edit Feb 2018: This thread has evolved into a chat thread, which is fine by me. In addition, I encourage other members to feel free to post their own 'long raves' in here too if wished. I will continue to post my own longer raves from time to time, as well as chat with friends along the way.

Original post from May 2016:

First of all, a (very) long post alert. Please don't feel obliged to read or respond. Mainly I am writing today to clear my own head of some things. So, here goes...

Last week, I managed to get to all planned appointments and activities every day of the week except Sunday. That only amounts to one, maximum two, per day, but was an improvement on previous weeks and months. I've made all planned appointments in a week before, but there have not been so many appointments in so many days consecutively. Many of you will know that, prior to about mid last year, I spent years very rarely leaving the flat. This was since the last of my breakdowns from paid employment in 2008 (one of so many similar breakdowns from paid working, though none as devastating in consequence as this last one). With each of these breakdowns, the recovery time got longer and longer. It's taken eight years to recover much at all this time around.

This week, so far, I've made none of my appointments or activities. In fact, I've not showered for days. Embarrassing to admit but maybe helpful to own up to it. As I write I'm still in what I wore to bed, as I was all day yesterday and the day before. The weird thing is that I don't feel that bad in my emotions, just crashed out physically and lacking almost all motivation except to use the computer. In other words, my mind and fingertips are alert and active, in fact nervy and overactive as usual, but the rest of me is crashed out. Perhaps I have entered what some people call a bipolar 'mixed state'. Whatever the terminology, this is where I am and I've been here so many times before.

The way I see it, there are a number of possible reasons for the way I am after last week:

  • inner conflict about how helpful my psychologist treatment is for me (saw her on Friday);
  • trying to further reduce my tobacco intake (the struggle seems disproportionately huge and exhausting);
  • needing recovery time from a big week (by my standards);
  • simply another manifestation of bipolar disorder in me.

Regarding the psychologist. She is young compared to me and I have the feeling that she may not grasp the full extent of my situation, partly through lack of life experience. Perhaps she may particularly lack an understanding of the various physical ailments that complicate things with me, some age-related (menopause, musculo-skeletal problems), one of them a chronic illness (crohns disease). She is treating me with some techniques from Dialectical Behavioural Therapy, something I honestly have never liked the sound of when I've read about it. The main 'homework' I have for this four week period is a sheet I am meant to fill out every night covering various things including tobacco use, coffee intake, isolating, unbalance eating, sleep patterns, lack of exercise. The sheet also includes sections monitoring mood every day. The problem I find is that monitoring and (by implication) tackling all these things at once is just overwhelming. I am significantly depressed after filling out the form because it seems to highlight all the ways I am failing rather than the ways I am succeeding. The psychologist has given me this sheet as homework once before and it had the same effect on me then. A full month long slump into depression is what followed. This sheet makes me feel very pressured to recover quickly from all of these things at once, a message that contradicts the advice of my psychiatrist (who I trust much more). His advice is to take it slowly and steadily and not feel rushed. As of yesterday, I stopped using the DBT form altogether. I am even considering giving up on the therapy with this psychologist after my next (sixth) session instead of seeing it through to the ten sessions my GP is willing to refer me for.

With the difficulty of further tobacco reduction, I am succeeding in reducing this a little more but the effort is gargantuan and seems to be sapping all the strength I have for making it out the door to my activities and appointments (or even to get dressed and showered). Writing here is just about the only thing that is distracting me from smoking again or thinking about it obsessively.

I've run out of steam on writing about it all now (a huge sigh of relief from any readers at this point).

I wonder if anyone else can make any sense of this.

27230 replies

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In response to: A long rave

Re: A long rave

@saturnzoon, that really sux about your son doing that to you. Not easy and you shouldn't have to, but, maybe you can look at getting a new bank account so it doesn't happen again. I'd be so mad if I was in your shoes. I hope you can figure out a way to get by untill you get paid again. Take care

In response to: A long rave

Re: A long rave

@eudemonism Hi

@cutiepiekitty Glad to see you are settling into the forum and getting to know people.

@saturnzoon Is there anyway you can change accounts or something to remove the temptation from the boys. They should NOT have access to your financial accounts. You do not have to ask permission, but explain that you did it for the long term security of the whole household. Let them know after the fact. I use the word :household: a bit as there are basic non negotiables and they need to learn those things, apart from taking care of the their individual needs. I have felt that fear too, but at least mine has accepted financial realities. He recently asked for help to pay something by credit card for the first time after him running his own account in 10 years. He got youth allowance at 16 and is 26 now. But he was respectful and it was for a good cause, an exam fee. Learning to take control can be so difficult as a mum, especially when there has been DV and we tend to overcompensate and lose confidence about boundaries. My son gets uber eats sometimes but its out of his own account. No question.

@Doglover Sorry things have been really hard and you are in hospital. I hope it works well and helps you heal and gives you good tools.

@Owlunar @Angels333 @Bunniekins @eth

Cheers ALL

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Hey @saturnzoon sorry to hear about your situation I wish I could reach through the phone and give you a hug xxx What's your plan to deal with the situation?

Love Angels333

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Is there anyway you can change accounts, have an acount that is just yours @saturnzoon xxxx

Hello @Appleblossom , @Mazarita , @Gazza75 , @Angels333 , @eudemonism

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Hey @Shaz51 , hope your feeling alright today. Have a wonderful weekend. 🙂

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

heyyyy @Gazza75 , ho are you today xx

I am a lot better , thank you , the sun is out again , soo will be working tomorrow

In response to: A long rave

Re: A long rave

here for you @cutiepiekitty

In response to: A long rave

Re: A long rave

@cutiepiekitty, hope you don`t mind , but how old are you xxx

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

@saturnzoon That is unacceptable Hon but I understand your resistance to standing up to your boys. As @Appleblossom mentioned - can you change your account so that they do not have any access to your money. You need to be able to live and have that security that what is your money is actually yours. Very much thinking of you

@Bunniekins Love coming home to your goodmorning message as usual little pea. Hope your day has had some good in it

Hi also @Shaz51 @Gazza75 @Angels333 @eth Hope you have all had a little light shining on you today too

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Hello @Zoe7 , @Mazarita , @Gazza75 , @Angels333 , @Appleblossom , @Bunniekins

after yesterday`s negative meeting with my MIL at afternoon tea

Mr shaz was in bed at 7pm last night and I went to bed too

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