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A long rave

A long rave

Edit Feb 2018: This thread has evolved into a chat thread, which is fine by me. In addition, I encourage other members to feel free to post their own 'long raves' in here too if wished. I will continue to post my own longer raves from time to time, as well as chat with friends along the way.

Original post from May 2016:

First of all, a (very) long post alert. Please don't feel obliged to read or respond. Mainly I am writing today to clear my own head of some things. So, here goes...

Last week, I managed to get to all planned appointments and activities every day of the week except Sunday. That only amounts to one, maximum two, per day, but was an improvement on previous weeks and months. I've made all planned appointments in a week before, but there have not been so many appointments in so many days consecutively. Many of you will know that, prior to about mid last year, I spent years very rarely leaving the flat. This was since the last of my breakdowns from paid employment in 2008 (one of so many similar breakdowns from paid working, though none as devastating in consequence as this last one). With each of these breakdowns, the recovery time got longer and longer. It's taken eight years to recover much at all this time around.

This week, so far, I've made none of my appointments or activities. In fact, I've not showered for days. Embarrassing to admit but maybe helpful to own up to it. As I write I'm still in what I wore to bed, as I was all day yesterday and the day before. The weird thing is that I don't feel that bad in my emotions, just crashed out physically and lacking almost all motivation except to use the computer. In other words, my mind and fingertips are alert and active, in fact nervy and overactive as usual, but the rest of me is crashed out. Perhaps I have entered what some people call a bipolar 'mixed state'. Whatever the terminology, this is where I am and I've been here so many times before.

The way I see it, there are a number of possible reasons for the way I am after last week:

  • inner conflict about how helpful my psychologist treatment is for me (saw her on Friday);
  • trying to further reduce my tobacco intake (the struggle seems disproportionately huge and exhausting);
  • needing recovery time from a big week (by my standards);
  • simply another manifestation of bipolar disorder in me.

Regarding the psychologist. She is young compared to me and I have the feeling that she may not grasp the full extent of my situation, partly through lack of life experience. Perhaps she may particularly lack an understanding of the various physical ailments that complicate things with me, some age-related (menopause, musculo-skeletal problems), one of them a chronic illness (crohns disease). She is treating me with some techniques from Dialectical Behavioural Therapy, something I honestly have never liked the sound of when I've read about it. The main 'homework' I have for this four week period is a sheet I am meant to fill out every night covering various things including tobacco use, coffee intake, isolating, unbalance eating, sleep patterns, lack of exercise. The sheet also includes sections monitoring mood every day. The problem I find is that monitoring and (by implication) tackling all these things at once is just overwhelming. I am significantly depressed after filling out the form because it seems to highlight all the ways I am failing rather than the ways I am succeeding. The psychologist has given me this sheet as homework once before and it had the same effect on me then. A full month long slump into depression is what followed. This sheet makes me feel very pressured to recover quickly from all of these things at once, a message that contradicts the advice of my psychiatrist (who I trust much more). His advice is to take it slowly and steadily and not feel rushed. As of yesterday, I stopped using the DBT form altogether. I am even considering giving up on the therapy with this psychologist after my next (sixth) session instead of seeing it through to the ten sessions my GP is willing to refer me for.

With the difficulty of further tobacco reduction, I am succeeding in reducing this a little more but the effort is gargantuan and seems to be sapping all the strength I have for making it out the door to my activities and appointments (or even to get dressed and showered). Writing here is just about the only thing that is distracting me from smoking again or thinking about it obsessively.

I've run out of steam on writing about it all now (a huge sigh of relief from any readers at this point).

I wonder if anyone else can make any sense of this.

27230 replies

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In response to: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Thank you @Meowmy @Bunniekins

I had met them both before. It helps to build vollie culture as well as generally build bridges instead of walls... not sure why so delicato, it was a good day.

Maybe feeling vulnerable about the recent murder in Parkville Melbourne (2nd in a year). Its an area I have walked a lot and my daughter still walks there. I dont like to be a fear mongerer ... just so sad ... and then we worry society is going downhill.

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

@Bunniekins

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

@Bunniekins

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Actually processing today more ... think my fragile fragmented feeling is due to the bulldozer lady ... it is very visceral and not merely my mood or my worry. It is due to a recent mini clash .... means be wary of that "lady" in future. She was bossing around the paid staff, when she was a vollie only on her first shift. I gave her plenty of warm welcome and intelligence moments but she could stop herself from being rude and bignoting self re CEO ... etc ...maybe having difficulty adjusting to retirement ...she was telling him his professors were wrong etc .... He was young and we managed her good humouredly,

but ....honestly ... at that age

I am so tired of internalising other people's rudeness.

My Recovery means I dont do that anymore.

In response to: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Hi All

I'm sorry but I need help.

My daughter 16yo had a psychologist appointment today at the clinic attached to the hospital. So I met my husband and we waited for the hour for the appointment. We were told that she is SHing. I SH so often and ha have so many scars. It is all my fault. I can't even be there to comfort her as I am stuck here. The stupid thing is I feel suicidal and like SH when I know I'm the cause of her problems. It's a learned behavior.

What can I do? I spoke to the nurse and she said just stop SH but it's not that easy.

I'm so sad

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

@Angels333

I am very sorry to hear about your daughter's difficulties.

Somehow I do not believe it is all your fault.

The study of Family Dynamics is in early stages. One day I hope they will be able to support families better without scapegoating, but fine tuning the dynamic.

WIsh I could help more. I managed to stop sh mostly, to I still struggle.

Find the Caring angel for you, not just the family,

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Thanks @Appleblossom it was such devastating news. Makes me feel like a bad mother 😭 particularly when I feel like I can't stop SH myself.

Anyway thanks for the reply @Appleblossom xx

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

It is a difficult to turn around. @Angels333 I only managed partly, but significantly. In that it has happened rarely in my house that I have now lived in for 17 years. My low self esteem and sense of self comes out in less extreme ways, still an outlet, but it is a lot better.

I think it is terrible that self harm is managed so poorly in a hospital ward dedicated to treatment, in this day and age. I hope someone there gives you some hope.

I am still triggered myself, which one can tell cos of the hour I am posting, but improving the system is one thing that gives meaning to life.

The pressure of my siblings leaned heavily on me before I started SH, but I never blamed them, more was upset about the difficulties they faced.

Its hard with close intertwined relationships, but there can always be love too.

Kindness,

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

@Appleblossom Oh Appleblossom it has always been thus (I remember my mother always warning me when I was young) women should not walk in parks alone. When I walk it is around passing cars for 99% of it there is one part which bothers me but there is no other way around it. It is open though and I can see cars and is pretty well lit so I am like oh well .... what really makes me sad about this recent one is the fact that both of them have and had a mi. It is all so sad.

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

@Adge Hehehe! That is terrible Adge 😄 yes greenpea has a taste for cigars half caronas to be exact but only has smoked them once in her youth :). I was a wild child back in those days lol 😛

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