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A long rave

A long rave

Edit Feb 2018: This thread has evolved into a chat thread, which is fine by me. In addition, I encourage other members to feel free to post their own 'long raves' in here too if wished. I will continue to post my own longer raves from time to time, as well as chat with friends along the way.

Original post from May 2016:

First of all, a (very) long post alert. Please don't feel obliged to read or respond. Mainly I am writing today to clear my own head of some things. So, here goes...

Last week, I managed to get to all planned appointments and activities every day of the week except Sunday. That only amounts to one, maximum two, per day, but was an improvement on previous weeks and months. I've made all planned appointments in a week before, but there have not been so many appointments in so many days consecutively. Many of you will know that, prior to about mid last year, I spent years very rarely leaving the flat. This was since the last of my breakdowns from paid employment in 2008 (one of so many similar breakdowns from paid working, though none as devastating in consequence as this last one). With each of these breakdowns, the recovery time got longer and longer. It's taken eight years to recover much at all this time around.

This week, so far, I've made none of my appointments or activities. In fact, I've not showered for days. Embarrassing to admit but maybe helpful to own up to it. As I write I'm still in what I wore to bed, as I was all day yesterday and the day before. The weird thing is that I don't feel that bad in my emotions, just crashed out physically and lacking almost all motivation except to use the computer. In other words, my mind and fingertips are alert and active, in fact nervy and overactive as usual, but the rest of me is crashed out. Perhaps I have entered what some people call a bipolar 'mixed state'. Whatever the terminology, this is where I am and I've been here so many times before.

The way I see it, there are a number of possible reasons for the way I am after last week:

  • inner conflict about how helpful my psychologist treatment is for me (saw her on Friday);
  • trying to further reduce my tobacco intake (the struggle seems disproportionately huge and exhausting);
  • needing recovery time from a big week (by my standards);
  • simply another manifestation of bipolar disorder in me.

Regarding the psychologist. She is young compared to me and I have the feeling that she may not grasp the full extent of my situation, partly through lack of life experience. Perhaps she may particularly lack an understanding of the various physical ailments that complicate things with me, some age-related (menopause, musculo-skeletal problems), one of them a chronic illness (crohns disease). She is treating me with some techniques from Dialectical Behavioural Therapy, something I honestly have never liked the sound of when I've read about it. The main 'homework' I have for this four week period is a sheet I am meant to fill out every night covering various things including tobacco use, coffee intake, isolating, unbalance eating, sleep patterns, lack of exercise. The sheet also includes sections monitoring mood every day. The problem I find is that monitoring and (by implication) tackling all these things at once is just overwhelming. I am significantly depressed after filling out the form because it seems to highlight all the ways I am failing rather than the ways I am succeeding. The psychologist has given me this sheet as homework once before and it had the same effect on me then. A full month long slump into depression is what followed. This sheet makes me feel very pressured to recover quickly from all of these things at once, a message that contradicts the advice of my psychiatrist (who I trust much more). His advice is to take it slowly and steadily and not feel rushed. As of yesterday, I stopped using the DBT form altogether. I am even considering giving up on the therapy with this psychologist after my next (sixth) session instead of seeing it through to the ten sessions my GP is willing to refer me for.

With the difficulty of further tobacco reduction, I am succeeding in reducing this a little more but the effort is gargantuan and seems to be sapping all the strength I have for making it out the door to my activities and appointments (or even to get dressed and showered). Writing here is just about the only thing that is distracting me from smoking again or thinking about it obsessively.

I've run out of steam on writing about it all now (a huge sigh of relief from any readers at this point).

I wonder if anyone else can make any sense of this.

27230 replies

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In response to: A long rave

Re: A lo@ng rave

@eth eth you are the long ravers social butterfly! :Dxx

In response to: Re: A lo@ng rave

Re: A lo@ng rave

This routine is still relatively new for me @Bunniekins but it certainly makes the days and weeks go faster. Plus it means lots of support for me while the others are away. 1 1/2 weeks already. 2 1/2 to go.

In response to: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Gday @eth
Take care today friend.

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

This one might be a tricky question @eth, and there's no need to answer but I thought I'd try.

How do you know when the things you're doing/have on and the time you have to recharge is the right balance for you? I'm finding that one a bit tricky to work out!

Also a question for anyone else who'd like to answer, but thought I'd try you eth as you're doing so much lately.

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Good question @CheerBear I have gradually added my commitments over the last 2 years, from none to a half day a week for nearly a year, then NDIS started it went to 3 part days a week which took some getting used to - I still really felt the need for full days at home at that stage. Then around October last year I added the water tai chi which has increased to twice a week this year. And this year started the bridge lessons which has also increased to twice a week. At first that felt like too much and it took me some adjusting to. I was almost breathless but at the same time recognized how far I'd come to be able to even consider doing all that. The difference now is that I still get half the day at home or at least a few hours most days and am finding I am able to appreciate those more lately. Plus occasionally some things get cancelled and I have an extra day at home here and there. But this year I've also done a few one-off things like writing workshops and art groups at the womens centre. That's a major thing too. As I mentioned I have to remind myself that these extra activities (on top of previously only having enough sw time to do my essentials and appointments) are for pleasure and by choice. So I kind of don't get so drained by them and see them as helping me with MH challenges. Hope I've answered your question, albeit somewhat long-windedly.

Of course this is no comparison to you raising 3 children single-handedly.

So I guess I've gone from really needing much more time withdrawn for whole days from everything to appreciating the hours I have when I have them and making better use of them.

Hope I haven't missed you by taking so long to write this.

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

I had a feeling you'd have some great insight to share there @eth. I really appreciate your perspective in that much of what you do is by choice and and for your pleasure which helps them feel less draining - that makes lots of sense. You've worked hard for a long time to get to this point and it's so great to see you here.

Thanks again for sharing. Plenty for me to take from that 🙂❤

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Thanks a lot @CheerBear Writing that reply and then sitting back and reading it was really good for me to get things in perspective too.

When I was a single mum and so much of the time was taken up by 'have to' activities I found strength in having a routine (mind you I only raised 1 child albeit with disability) and then actually scheduling in some activities that were just for me in the gaps when they were at childcare/school. Even if it was just going to a cafe on a certain morning of the week, I knew I could look forward to it.

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

I'm glad it felt good to stop and reflect @eth. It's a nice feeling to be proud of how far you've come 🙂

So much of my time is 'have to' too, even though they're at school, and I think that hurts me a bit. Before things went super bad I used to be able to do so much more and now it's lots harder. I get tired easily and it's frustrating, but I'll keep pushing.

Thanks again 🙂

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

@CheerBear I think it's really important to honour yourself and take the time out to just be gentle on yourself and rest or , like you do, some crochet or something you enjoy peacefully and quietly - for as long as you need to. I spent 8 years doing that since the last dv incident, and another time of nearly 10 years after another assault where I nearly died. It's only over the last 2 years I've been encouraged (pushed!) out of that comfort zone and back into the world, and most of that has been the last 6 months. But I've done most of it in small increments, as I've been able to. Mostly due to having asked for family support and landed here with bro and sil but I have to say that being NDIS funded for sw's and extra psychology plus a transport allowance has helped enormously since July. Can't believe I'm now into my 3rd year here already.

You've taken some really big steps over the last couple of years and (I repeat) I think it's important that you are gentle with yourself in between answering everyone else's needs. Said with love xx

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Hi @eth I really struggle with motivation so today I hope to clear out some clutter near my art desk. I have chronic fatigue to deal with so have just been sleeping most of the day. Thanks so much for tagging me in reading the discussion really cheers me up.

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