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A long rave

A long rave

Edit Feb 2018: This thread has evolved into a chat thread, which is fine by me. In addition, I encourage other members to feel free to post their own 'long raves' in here too if wished. I will continue to post my own longer raves from time to time, as well as chat with friends along the way.

Original post from May 2016:

First of all, a (very) long post alert. Please don't feel obliged to read or respond. Mainly I am writing today to clear my own head of some things. So, here goes...

Last week, I managed to get to all planned appointments and activities every day of the week except Sunday. That only amounts to one, maximum two, per day, but was an improvement on previous weeks and months. I've made all planned appointments in a week before, but there have not been so many appointments in so many days consecutively. Many of you will know that, prior to about mid last year, I spent years very rarely leaving the flat. This was since the last of my breakdowns from paid employment in 2008 (one of so many similar breakdowns from paid working, though none as devastating in consequence as this last one). With each of these breakdowns, the recovery time got longer and longer. It's taken eight years to recover much at all this time around.

This week, so far, I've made none of my appointments or activities. In fact, I've not showered for days. Embarrassing to admit but maybe helpful to own up to it. As I write I'm still in what I wore to bed, as I was all day yesterday and the day before. The weird thing is that I don't feel that bad in my emotions, just crashed out physically and lacking almost all motivation except to use the computer. In other words, my mind and fingertips are alert and active, in fact nervy and overactive as usual, but the rest of me is crashed out. Perhaps I have entered what some people call a bipolar 'mixed state'. Whatever the terminology, this is where I am and I've been here so many times before.

The way I see it, there are a number of possible reasons for the way I am after last week:

  • inner conflict about how helpful my psychologist treatment is for me (saw her on Friday);
  • trying to further reduce my tobacco intake (the struggle seems disproportionately huge and exhausting);
  • needing recovery time from a big week (by my standards);
  • simply another manifestation of bipolar disorder in me.

Regarding the psychologist. She is young compared to me and I have the feeling that she may not grasp the full extent of my situation, partly through lack of life experience. Perhaps she may particularly lack an understanding of the various physical ailments that complicate things with me, some age-related (menopause, musculo-skeletal problems), one of them a chronic illness (crohns disease). She is treating me with some techniques from Dialectical Behavioural Therapy, something I honestly have never liked the sound of when I've read about it. The main 'homework' I have for this four week period is a sheet I am meant to fill out every night covering various things including tobacco use, coffee intake, isolating, unbalance eating, sleep patterns, lack of exercise. The sheet also includes sections monitoring mood every day. The problem I find is that monitoring and (by implication) tackling all these things at once is just overwhelming. I am significantly depressed after filling out the form because it seems to highlight all the ways I am failing rather than the ways I am succeeding. The psychologist has given me this sheet as homework once before and it had the same effect on me then. A full month long slump into depression is what followed. This sheet makes me feel very pressured to recover quickly from all of these things at once, a message that contradicts the advice of my psychiatrist (who I trust much more). His advice is to take it slowly and steadily and not feel rushed. As of yesterday, I stopped using the DBT form altogether. I am even considering giving up on the therapy with this psychologist after my next (sixth) session instead of seeing it through to the ten sessions my GP is willing to refer me for.

With the difficulty of further tobacco reduction, I am succeeding in reducing this a little more but the effort is gargantuan and seems to be sapping all the strength I have for making it out the door to my activities and appointments (or even to get dressed and showered). Writing here is just about the only thing that is distracting me from smoking again or thinking about it obsessively.

I've run out of steam on writing about it all now (a huge sigh of relief from any readers at this point).

I wonder if anyone else can make any sense of this.

27230 replies

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In response to: A long rave

Re: A long rave

I have an awesome hairdresser who has done it a few times and does it well @Zoe7 so it feels great thanks (and I think looks better than the sheepdog look I'd been going with 😆). She used a funky texturising spray which made a big difference and I learned how to make a sea salt one at home - yay👍

I was just about to wander to find a corner to ask how you're going and whether you've been chatting with friend again?

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

No chatting with friend for a couple of days @CheerBear He had an open home on Saturday and sold his house on the same day so he is pretty busy getting things orgnaised for all that. I am not too fussed to be honest - I know his plan was to go travelling when he sold his house but I suspect that won't happen straight away as he has sold his house so quickly. Don't know what his plans may be now but I am sure he will tell me in time. It does feel like we have become more distant of late - I know we both have a lot going on and I certainly don't have the time I did have (or the energy) for that same interaction that we were having. Maybe this is a good thing though - especially if he is going to go away soon. Mixed feelings on it all but the tricky is still there and I don't think that is something I can get over - it will work out as it does I suppose!

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Wow that house sold quickly @Zoe7!

I hear you with mixed feelings. As always, you seem to be taking a very sensible approach with it all. Big ❤

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

He only had in on the market for a few days and it was the first open house so it did sell super quickly @CheerBear I can imagine there is a lot he now has to do. I know he has been selling off most of his music equipment over the last couple of months but there is still a lot he needs to sort out. He may need to find somewhere to live for a while before he travels - so much is up in the air atm and I am still trying to settle in at work so I feel like there is a big divide between where we both are at present. Nothing is easy is it!

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

There is definitely lots to take up headspace and time for both of you at the moment @Zoe7 so it's no wonder communication has slowed down. Add in the tricky that there was/is for you too and I imagine that might take up even more energy that you would prefer to use elsewhere.

Nope - little is easy I find 😏

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

The tricky has certainly taken up more headspace than I was prepared for @CheerBear and in a lot of ways has kept me from being in such regular contact with him. I think I have subconsciously pulled away a bit because of it and whilst he has been very open with me it definitely has altered my opinion of him. I want to be able to move past it but finding that difficult. I know you get that feeling too nd it is hard when you really do like everything else about that person - that one thing that is quite big is hard to get around though. It really does come down to what we both want and need out of this friendship and if in fact freindship is enough for both of us in this situation.

In response to: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Hi @Zoe7 Thanks for asking.

How have you been?

I still have a few weeks to wait, yet for my surgery.

It's booked for 6th of March (a Wednesday), hopefully they don't change that date (as hospitals do).

My pre-surgery medical assessment is on 28th of February (a Thursday) - that goes for 2 hours.

That's when they examine every health implication (aspect) - & I have to talk to the Anaesthetist about being fine with all the anaesthetic drugs, etc.

I'm getting more anxious, leading up to it all - which is not helping.

This will be my 4th surgery, one that I should have never needed to have.

My recent (4) trips to A&E last December have made the process more triggering, & maybe more emotionally complicated.

Adge

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

You certainly have a lot of triggers there @Adge and it is no wonder you are feeling anxious about it all. Hopefully these next few weeks fly by but the anxiety will most likely still be there - that is quite natural though - it is no small thing you are going through and I very much feel for you in all this. It should never have come to this for you - this all should have been sorted a long time ago - especially as mistakes were made that have severely affected your ongoing health. I do hope this is tha last surgery that you will need to have and that it all goes well for you.

I am doing okay - it is a public holiday here today so back to work tomorrow then Wednesday off (that is my usual day off each week). Have normal appointments and DBT on Wednesday but I think this will be my last module so I can relax more on my day off. I have been unwell over the weekend and Toby was sick on Friday and Saturday as well so it has been a weekend of sleeping for both of us - we are both okay now - must have been a 24 hour thing for us both.

In response to: A long rave

Re: A long rave

@Adge @Mazarita @Zoe7 @CheerBear @@eth Hi everyone hoping you are all having a wonderful day. Weather is lovely here warm with a breeze like yesterday. Will go for a walk later on tonight. Love greenpea xxx

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Having a lazy afternoon here @Bunniekins but might have a visitor later - just waiting to hear back from him. Hope you have a lovely walk later little pea

@CheerBear Heard from friend today and he suggested he would like to come around this afternoon. I told him that was okay so just waiting to hear when that will be. It means I will have to at least get dressed - was going to have a jammies day.

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