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A long rave

A long rave

Edit Feb 2018: This thread has evolved into a chat thread, which is fine by me. In addition, I encourage other members to feel free to post their own 'long raves' in here too if wished. I will continue to post my own longer raves from time to time, as well as chat with friends along the way.

Original post from May 2016:

First of all, a (very) long post alert. Please don't feel obliged to read or respond. Mainly I am writing today to clear my own head of some things. So, here goes...

Last week, I managed to get to all planned appointments and activities every day of the week except Sunday. That only amounts to one, maximum two, per day, but was an improvement on previous weeks and months. I've made all planned appointments in a week before, but there have not been so many appointments in so many days consecutively. Many of you will know that, prior to about mid last year, I spent years very rarely leaving the flat. This was since the last of my breakdowns from paid employment in 2008 (one of so many similar breakdowns from paid working, though none as devastating in consequence as this last one). With each of these breakdowns, the recovery time got longer and longer. It's taken eight years to recover much at all this time around.

This week, so far, I've made none of my appointments or activities. In fact, I've not showered for days. Embarrassing to admit but maybe helpful to own up to it. As I write I'm still in what I wore to bed, as I was all day yesterday and the day before. The weird thing is that I don't feel that bad in my emotions, just crashed out physically and lacking almost all motivation except to use the computer. In other words, my mind and fingertips are alert and active, in fact nervy and overactive as usual, but the rest of me is crashed out. Perhaps I have entered what some people call a bipolar 'mixed state'. Whatever the terminology, this is where I am and I've been here so many times before.

The way I see it, there are a number of possible reasons for the way I am after last week:

  • inner conflict about how helpful my psychologist treatment is for me (saw her on Friday);
  • trying to further reduce my tobacco intake (the struggle seems disproportionately huge and exhausting);
  • needing recovery time from a big week (by my standards);
  • simply another manifestation of bipolar disorder in me.

Regarding the psychologist. She is young compared to me and I have the feeling that she may not grasp the full extent of my situation, partly through lack of life experience. Perhaps she may particularly lack an understanding of the various physical ailments that complicate things with me, some age-related (menopause, musculo-skeletal problems), one of them a chronic illness (crohns disease). She is treating me with some techniques from Dialectical Behavioural Therapy, something I honestly have never liked the sound of when I've read about it. The main 'homework' I have for this four week period is a sheet I am meant to fill out every night covering various things including tobacco use, coffee intake, isolating, unbalance eating, sleep patterns, lack of exercise. The sheet also includes sections monitoring mood every day. The problem I find is that monitoring and (by implication) tackling all these things at once is just overwhelming. I am significantly depressed after filling out the form because it seems to highlight all the ways I am failing rather than the ways I am succeeding. The psychologist has given me this sheet as homework once before and it had the same effect on me then. A full month long slump into depression is what followed. This sheet makes me feel very pressured to recover quickly from all of these things at once, a message that contradicts the advice of my psychiatrist (who I trust much more). His advice is to take it slowly and steadily and not feel rushed. As of yesterday, I stopped using the DBT form altogether. I am even considering giving up on the therapy with this psychologist after my next (sixth) session instead of seeing it through to the ten sessions my GP is willing to refer me for.

With the difficulty of further tobacco reduction, I am succeeding in reducing this a little more but the effort is gargantuan and seems to be sapping all the strength I have for making it out the door to my activities and appointments (or even to get dressed and showered). Writing here is just about the only thing that is distracting me from smoking again or thinking about it obsessively.

I've run out of steam on writing about it all now (a huge sigh of relief from any readers at this point).

I wonder if anyone else can make any sense of this.

27230 replies

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In response to: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Hi @Bunniekins and @Former-Member hope today's going well for you both.

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

@eth Hi eth I have my car being serviced today so hoping it won\t cost too much .... other than that enjoying the weather and being with my daughter :). Isn't spring just beautiful. Not too hot and not too cold. Plus all the flowers. I love the jacaranda trees blooming (we have alot where we are) just lovely :). Hoping you are having a super nice day where you are too. Love greenpea xxx

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Sounds beautiful @Bunniekins My gladdies are out - dark orange with a yellow centre, plus magnolia tree blooming, gardenia, lavender, jacaranda, sweet peas and even the passionfruit and eggplant flowering - food to come from those two. All on the block I live on!

Hope your car doesn't cost too much. My last service was $330 coz it's nearly 6 years old, despite having done less than 25000 kms since I bought it new in 2013. They did the 90 000 km service!

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

@Bunniekins I forgot - nasturciums, pommegranate and banana also flowering!

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

@eth Wow on your millage on your car! Double wow on your flowers. Your garden always sounds so beautiful :Dxx

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

@Mazarita Understand if you dont do the breast screen with the trauma reliving yesterday. They are usually fine to reschedule. I am glad you had an old friend to talk it all through. It sounds very scary. Many long hugz. It was good that C respected your need for space and later reassurance, even though he was not able to understand or give good support. Maybe we cant always truly empathise with every experience a loved one has, but the underlying respect and LOVE makes a difference. In a way it may be better for the relationship long term that he was true to himself and left you in peace, even though it is disturbling not that he could not get your level of distress and needs. There are funny cascade effects as accumulations of trauma may get triggered together. I appreciated your post in that it gave me insight into ways of working through, ways of negotiating with a partner, and talking about feelings without going into details. Even just talking about how to take prn helps me, as using meds well is still new to me.

As you know I am not good at talking about feelings, but I have been thinking and researching on the net about them and connecting up some dots. One site on trauma said those in foster care had twice the odds of getting PTSD as Iraqi veterans. That felt like some validation.

I hope you are in a better frame of mind today.

@eth @utopia @Faith-and-Hope and others interested in Indigenous issues. Debra Cheetham has composed a new War Requiem called Eumeralla. I would love to see it or be in it. I also bought a book of koori songs set for choir. I hear you about the complexity of the issues, but am so glad I have found people (even white bourgeois wmen) who care. I dont feel totally out on the margins, not belonging to either camp, which is the way I often do if I mentioned my views or experiences about these issues.

Car service day, but more needs doing. My car is 12 years old.

Best wishes to all.

@CheerBear @Sophia1 @Bunniekins @outlander @Shaz51 @PeppiPatty @Former-Member @Nay69 @Razzle

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Thanks for tagging me in @Appleblossom. I haven’t looked at this thread before. I went back a few pages to catch up a bit on what’s been happening.

@Mazarita So sorry to hear you’ve been having such an emotional few days. It’s so hard to deal with the memories and the emotions attached when you also feel alone and unsupported. If my husband isn’t handling my emotions when I’m really down I tend to shut down and not discuss anything with him. I don’t need him to “fix” me, I just need to know he’s there to support me. I’ve always been the strong one in our relationship, unfortunately my world came crashing down mid last year and when I looked to my husband for support it just wasn’t there. I’ve never dealt with my child sexual abuse until just recently, I’ve been seeing a councillor for most of this year, and when it was time to bring my husband into the conversation (a couple of weeks ago) my councillor met with him first to make sure he was clear about what I needed from him. The most important thing I need is for him to not cry in front of me, that for now I need him to be the strong and supportive one. My husband and I had a stupid argument a week ago that went on for a few days, and we had a marriage councilling session last

Thursday (he’s the same councillor I see for the sexual abuse) and during the session my husband broke down and cried and said he wasn’t coping with everything he’d heard about what happened with me and that it was affecting him. So, I’ve shut down again, this is another topic that is off limits, along with a host of other topics, just one more thing I have to internalise and deal with on my own. I’m glad your partner was able to be for you in the end, even if only in some small way, it sounds like he’s making an effort and that you are still able to connect with him, I’m envious. I haven’t really spoken to my husband for weeks and I can’t see that changing any time soon.

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Hi everyone, hope today has treated all okay. Thanks so much for the supportive messages in response to my very long post last night, @outlander, @Faith-and-Hope, @Zoe7, @Bunniekins, @eth, @utopia, @Appleblossom, @Razzle.

Early this morning, when I was chatting with @CheerBear, I was feeling optimistic that things might be on the mend for me after yesterday's horrible events. But the emotional hangover today turned out to be intense, and I slept in bursts of an hour or two at a time for most of the day. I'd get up for a while, feeling depressed, sick and headachey, and then get overwhelmed by tiredness again, and so back to bed.

Then C came home from work and I did my best to cheer up, but ended up a sobbing mess again after dinner. So strange to find myself so emotionally raw, and crying so hard, after years of barely crying at all.

C did his best to comfort me, and, most healing of all, gave me a neck and shoulder massage (I asked and he agreed). That balanced my emotions to an amazing extent. Where I had been a mess all day, I now feel okay. Recent events have certainly given me an emotional rollercoaster ride.

Anyway, hoping this okay feeling will last through the night and into tomorrow. I was doing so well before the awful day yesterday. I want to get back to that good stuff again, as soon as possible. While I acknowledge the delayed trauma experience I had yesterday and today, I don't want to be owned by it. The best revenge is living a good life. I'll do my best and see how it rolls.

@Razzle, welcome to this discussion thread. Feeling for you with what you are going through. Relationship dynamics when we are dealing with these kinds of issues can be so hard. I've been struggling with some displaced anger towards my loved one. It has been helpful over the past couple of days to keep remembering that he is not the one who did the damage in the first place. I've misplaced my anger many times before in earlier relationships, and it's been so damaging to us both, and contributed significantly to the end of the relationships. Don't know if this relates in any way at all to your situation, but it's been on my mind in relation to mine. Hoping to share more with you over time.

Sleep well everyone. Hope to talk more sometime tomorrow.

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Good morning, @CheerBear, @eth, @Bunniekins and any others awake at this early morning time. Hoping sleep has been kind to you. Here for a chat if anyone is around and feels like it. Otherwise, sending good vibes for the new day.

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Morning @Mazarita and anyone who may also be around 🙂

Another morning where I'm sending you huge love and hugs for your yesterday Maz. How was your night last night?
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