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A long rave

A long rave

Edit Feb 2018: This thread has evolved into a chat thread, which is fine by me. In addition, I encourage other members to feel free to post their own 'long raves' in here too if wished. I will continue to post my own longer raves from time to time, as well as chat with friends along the way.

Original post from May 2016:

First of all, a (very) long post alert. Please don't feel obliged to read or respond. Mainly I am writing today to clear my own head of some things. So, here goes...

Last week, I managed to get to all planned appointments and activities every day of the week except Sunday. That only amounts to one, maximum two, per day, but was an improvement on previous weeks and months. I've made all planned appointments in a week before, but there have not been so many appointments in so many days consecutively. Many of you will know that, prior to about mid last year, I spent years very rarely leaving the flat. This was since the last of my breakdowns from paid employment in 2008 (one of so many similar breakdowns from paid working, though none as devastating in consequence as this last one). With each of these breakdowns, the recovery time got longer and longer. It's taken eight years to recover much at all this time around.

This week, so far, I've made none of my appointments or activities. In fact, I've not showered for days. Embarrassing to admit but maybe helpful to own up to it. As I write I'm still in what I wore to bed, as I was all day yesterday and the day before. The weird thing is that I don't feel that bad in my emotions, just crashed out physically and lacking almost all motivation except to use the computer. In other words, my mind and fingertips are alert and active, in fact nervy and overactive as usual, but the rest of me is crashed out. Perhaps I have entered what some people call a bipolar 'mixed state'. Whatever the terminology, this is where I am and I've been here so many times before.

The way I see it, there are a number of possible reasons for the way I am after last week:

  • inner conflict about how helpful my psychologist treatment is for me (saw her on Friday);
  • trying to further reduce my tobacco intake (the struggle seems disproportionately huge and exhausting);
  • needing recovery time from a big week (by my standards);
  • simply another manifestation of bipolar disorder in me.

Regarding the psychologist. She is young compared to me and I have the feeling that she may not grasp the full extent of my situation, partly through lack of life experience. Perhaps she may particularly lack an understanding of the various physical ailments that complicate things with me, some age-related (menopause, musculo-skeletal problems), one of them a chronic illness (crohns disease). She is treating me with some techniques from Dialectical Behavioural Therapy, something I honestly have never liked the sound of when I've read about it. The main 'homework' I have for this four week period is a sheet I am meant to fill out every night covering various things including tobacco use, coffee intake, isolating, unbalance eating, sleep patterns, lack of exercise. The sheet also includes sections monitoring mood every day. The problem I find is that monitoring and (by implication) tackling all these things at once is just overwhelming. I am significantly depressed after filling out the form because it seems to highlight all the ways I am failing rather than the ways I am succeeding. The psychologist has given me this sheet as homework once before and it had the same effect on me then. A full month long slump into depression is what followed. This sheet makes me feel very pressured to recover quickly from all of these things at once, a message that contradicts the advice of my psychiatrist (who I trust much more). His advice is to take it slowly and steadily and not feel rushed. As of yesterday, I stopped using the DBT form altogether. I am even considering giving up on the therapy with this psychologist after my next (sixth) session instead of seeing it through to the ten sessions my GP is willing to refer me for.

With the difficulty of further tobacco reduction, I am succeeding in reducing this a little more but the effort is gargantuan and seems to be sapping all the strength I have for making it out the door to my activities and appointments (or even to get dressed and showered). Writing here is just about the only thing that is distracting me from smoking again or thinking about it obsessively.

I've run out of steam on writing about it all now (a huge sigh of relief from any readers at this point).

I wonder if anyone else can make any sense of this.

27230 replies

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In response to: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Hi to you too @Sophia1 @Mazarita @Appleblossom @CheerBear and anyone else drifting this way this morning.

Missing @Exoplanet's tales - hoping she is ok.

I've got a support worker for 3 hours today and we're going to water tai chi again. 3rd week. It's a lot of years since I went to any sort of group exercise, so I'm really pleased this one is working well for me. Not sure what we'll do after that - maybe lunch at the beach.

Lovely to hear of your long-term connections with exes @Mazarita - so much more healthy than my track record.

In response to: A long rave

Re: A long rave

@eth Morning eth :)xxx today is the last day of the week before I have 3 days of contstant things to do so I am going to do nothing :D!. Again it is a billion degrees so I plan to take it easy today. Have been talking with @Dadcaringalone this morning and he has inspired me to take care of myself better so I will endeavour to start with a plan to do just that.

Have you got anything on today?

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Good to hear you are pacing yourself @Bunniekins. I imagine even a 'rest' day involves a lot of domestic stuff for you. We must've been typing at the same time. See above for my plans for today.

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

@ethYour water tai chi sounds so delightful eth. Wish I could do it with you. I love how your sw goes into the water with you. Lunch by the beach sounds lovely. What a beautiful day you have planned.

Yes I have been wondering where @Exoplanet has been and hoping she is okay. I enjoy her long raves.

Have a great day eth. xxxx

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

@Bunniekins from the youtube link you posted a while back I think tai chi is very similar to qi gong.

Sending you peace and gentleness for your day of rest.

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

@Exoplanet, have been thinking of you a lot, wondering how you are. You haven't posted for about 10 days now, which is unusual over recent times. I wonder if you might just check in to let us know you are okay, even if it's only a brief one line. You are loved and missed here.

Hoping that life is just too enjoyable to be on the forum, and that you are roaming the newly fenced and private spaces of your property with joy and pride, with happy dogs roaming along with you. If that's not the case, you know you can say anything to us here, and we will support you.

I had a dream last night with a dog in it that made me think of you and your love and care for yours. Not very often I dream of dogs, can't remember any at all really! It was a fluffy white pup that had been abandoned and I quickly became attached to, and liked to kiss and cuddle. I was so delighted that when it saw me it came running in an irresistable puppy way. I decided to look after it, even though in the dream I knew I wasn't allowed pets in my rental home and could find myself in the difficult situation of being out of this home, and trying to find that thing that's rare as hen's teeth where I am: a rental that would accept dogs.

Meanwhile it had a cheeky habit of going missing, and I had to go searching for it more than once. On one occasion, someone found the pup before me and extorted quite a chunk of money for its return. I was willing to pay though, as I loved that little dog. I also realised at this point that, even without going missing, I was in for a scary financial outlay to look after a dog! By then I loved the little dog so much, I couldn't think straight about these practical matters, and knew it was part of my life now, for better or worse.

Anyway, that's my story for you today. Sending lots of love to you. Mazzy

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

I am with @Mazarita and had tagged you back a bit. @Exoplanet just hoping you are busy with dogs and maybe internet just dropped out and you are well.

Hi @eth Have fun today. Great plan.

@Sophia1

Love your long and short posts.

@CheerBear

@Bunniekins

I am watching a youtube on adrenals and thyroid. I always knew hormones and enzymes were where it is at, but not just sex hormones ...and that process is more important than labelling.

It is great we have access to such knowledge

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F1rxW9IzYrA

Thinking of You all.

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Hello @Mazarita

Reading your lovely post reaching out to @Exoplanet...

Your dream about the excited puppy...you were quickly attached to...you decided to look after this puppy even though you were not allowed to have dogs where you lived...

You mentioned cheeky...

having to search for the puppy more than once...another offering a sum of money...of no significance to you ...money could not replace your love for this puppy..

this puppy is now a part of your life...

@Mazarita you are describing the loving bond that has formed over a period of time...I do not know the length..I do know that it is very strong...nothing will break that bond...as you described it is a part of your life now...

Your bond with @Exoplanet...

ps I do hope that you do not mind me referring to you as cheeky @Exoplanet...only in a very adorable way...irresistable as Mazarita described...

❤❤

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Hello Everyone 🙂

Thank you for filling me with warm fuzzies, especially my magical Mazy @Mazarita It's so wonderful to have been missed 😄 No dramas, just super slackness 😉 The super heat doesn't help motivate me much, had 40 here yesterday, 39 today . . . yuk! I've been submersing myself in a little computer game, where I've been abandoned by my ship mates on a deserted island & have to make things out of string & rocks to survive . . . I think it really suits me 🙂

It's soooooooooooooo wonderful to be able to wait until later to walk the dogs as all I have to do is step out of the houseyard gate & go. I've made the boundary gates secure & even the little fella doesn't go out 😄 😄 😄 We haven't even been going out into the forests . . . I've got 20 acres of my own forest right here! 🙂

Love to all that need or want it

@eth, @outlander, @Mazarita, @Bunniekins, @Appleblossom, @Sophia1

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Hi everyone, catching up on replying to posts over the past couple of days (at length, as usual, lol).

@Bunniekins, have you given your body some love and appreciation today? Regardless of how it looks to us, our bodies are the only ones we have, and they have got us this far in life and hopefully much further. Just a friendly reminder, since you asked me yesterday to keep doing that.

Thanks for your words about resting my troubled soul in relation to my ex-husband. Your post made me wonder about what 'personal cost' your processing of your own past baggage might entail. Sounds good that you are willing to go through that in the interest of better mental health and freedom from guilt. Agreed that some relationships can last in some form after they've broken down, but that others just can't. The one relationship in my life in which I felt bullied and abused by a partner lasted no more than a year. But after that, I was completely unwilling to have any contact with him ever again. He died a year or two ago and a mutual friend was encouraging me to go the memorial service. I had honestly wished him well in his life, even after the abuse, as I had to acknowledge to myself that there were some good things about the relationship as well. In fact I would never have met C and my closest friend if it wasn't for that man. Neither would I be living in this state, where I am happier than I was down south. But I could only feel those positive feelings towards him if he completely left me alone. Though it might have seemed heartless to my friend who was also friends with him, I didn't go to the memorial service. It felt like it would somehow have been hypocritical in some way, and frankly I just didn't want to go. I did let one of his previous long term partners know about his death though. She didn't go to the memorial service either. The two of us both hoped he found peace now from what was a tormented life for him really.

Thanks heaps for your reassurance that you like my long raves (just as well, lol!) I love reading you too, my friend.

@Appleblossom, cool to think of us both wearing our strappy dresses at the same time. I overstated the extent of my hot weather wardrobe in those earlier posts. I only really have a few summery dresses that I live in here for months. Mainly there's just one I wear out of the flat over and over. Just recently I bought another long one on ebay that I can wear out of the flat too. I love the bright orange, patterned rayon fabric of it, but it's too big (the dangers of buying clothes on ebay, have been burned more than once). It's at an alteration place now in the hopes of making it more wearable.

Aside from that, my wardrobe is almost completely comprised of op shop clothes, which are cheap enough to let me feel a bit 'extravagant' and luxurious in my buying habits. Except shoes, which I spend a bit on because of my dodgy lower legs and feet. Mostly I wear Skechers sandals with lots of cushion on the soles. Without them walking becomes very painful very quickly. They are a once a year investment.

Not many years ago, when I was living almost completely inside the flat, med side effects had made me outgrow almost all of my small collection of clothes, and those that remained were virtually rags. One of the most important early steps towards a better life back then was buying some clothes from ebay that fitted, and that I could wear out of the flat without shame. Just that simple act of starting to build a little wardrobe boosted my confidence enough to start making more moves outside again. After that, I was able to get back into the op shops and build my wardrobe more, in a way I could afford on my pension. I never realised clothes could be so helpful to wellbeing.

Interesting common ground between us: I too have been to nude beaches in my life, and was also a life model when I was younger. They weren't really a comfortable experience for me. I did both to try to free myself from repressions I felt about my body. Plus I was so terribly poor back then, the $20 I got for posing was a helpful boost to my income and ability to keep a roof over my head.

I understand why you might not want to watch the rest of 'How Mad Are You?' There were some really great things about it, but, yes, the reality of mental illness seems a lot more complex in real life than was portrayed in that show.

Yay!!! I just felt @Exoplanet under the 'support' button! So good to know you are still in the land of the living!

@eth, hope you enjoyed water tai chi again today. So great that you have found a form of exercise you find okay on the social level, as well as pleasant and helpful to do. I too dig that your support worker gets in there with you too. Did you have lunch at the beach? That sounds so nice too.

Today I was meant to go to see my psychiatrist but I cancelled for the first time in more than three years. Even though I accumulated more sleep last night than the little I have been getting over the past week, I was so exhausted this morning, I just needed to go back to bed more than see my psychiatrist. I have been unable to get another appointment with him for three weeks, but even considering that, it was worth it today in order to get some rest and quiet. The past month or so of my life has been intense!

Thanks for your words too about my relationships with exes. My first boyfriend (to whom I was never abusive, but was once unfaithful), and my ex-husband (who I did treat badly, though never physically), are the only two (of quite a number over time!), that I am still in contact with. That in itself tells me that they have been the most meaningful love relationships in my life (along with C, of course, who is the best!) How has it been for exes with you? I know you have experienced very bad abuse with one or more of them. As I said above, I have been unable to salvage anything of a relationship where that has occurred, so I don't blame if you at all if that's the reason for no contact afterwards.

Hope to catch up for another real time chat again soon, my friend.

@Sophia1, your post about my dream and @Exoplanet, touched me very much. You are right about how much I care. Exo knows that it's been that way ever since we first met on the forum. It's amazing to me how meaningful friendships here can be. I acknowledge that there may be something fleeting about them in the long run, and (as @Appleblossom said not so long ago), superficial in some ways. But the way we share in words, our days and deepest feelings, never knowing each other's 'real' identity and never likely to meet each other... well there is something magic, wonderful and healing about that. Regardless of how ephemeral these encounters we have might be, I know for sure that they help me enormously. I hope and believe it is the same for others too. Hope the day has treated you well, my dear. Thanks for having a mind that can say such beautiful things.

I'll finish this long rave now, just as Star Trek is about to come on TV. Hope the evening has enjoyable things in it for all.

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