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A long rave

A long rave

Edit Feb 2018: This thread has evolved into a chat thread, which is fine by me. In addition, I encourage other members to feel free to post their own 'long raves' in here too if wished. I will continue to post my own longer raves from time to time, as well as chat with friends along the way.

Original post from May 2016:

First of all, a (very) long post alert. Please don't feel obliged to read or respond. Mainly I am writing today to clear my own head of some things. So, here goes...

Last week, I managed to get to all planned appointments and activities every day of the week except Sunday. That only amounts to one, maximum two, per day, but was an improvement on previous weeks and months. I've made all planned appointments in a week before, but there have not been so many appointments in so many days consecutively. Many of you will know that, prior to about mid last year, I spent years very rarely leaving the flat. This was since the last of my breakdowns from paid employment in 2008 (one of so many similar breakdowns from paid working, though none as devastating in consequence as this last one). With each of these breakdowns, the recovery time got longer and longer. It's taken eight years to recover much at all this time around.

This week, so far, I've made none of my appointments or activities. In fact, I've not showered for days. Embarrassing to admit but maybe helpful to own up to it. As I write I'm still in what I wore to bed, as I was all day yesterday and the day before. The weird thing is that I don't feel that bad in my emotions, just crashed out physically and lacking almost all motivation except to use the computer. In other words, my mind and fingertips are alert and active, in fact nervy and overactive as usual, but the rest of me is crashed out. Perhaps I have entered what some people call a bipolar 'mixed state'. Whatever the terminology, this is where I am and I've been here so many times before.

The way I see it, there are a number of possible reasons for the way I am after last week:

  • inner conflict about how helpful my psychologist treatment is for me (saw her on Friday);
  • trying to further reduce my tobacco intake (the struggle seems disproportionately huge and exhausting);
  • needing recovery time from a big week (by my standards);
  • simply another manifestation of bipolar disorder in me.

Regarding the psychologist. She is young compared to me and I have the feeling that she may not grasp the full extent of my situation, partly through lack of life experience. Perhaps she may particularly lack an understanding of the various physical ailments that complicate things with me, some age-related (menopause, musculo-skeletal problems), one of them a chronic illness (crohns disease). She is treating me with some techniques from Dialectical Behavioural Therapy, something I honestly have never liked the sound of when I've read about it. The main 'homework' I have for this four week period is a sheet I am meant to fill out every night covering various things including tobacco use, coffee intake, isolating, unbalance eating, sleep patterns, lack of exercise. The sheet also includes sections monitoring mood every day. The problem I find is that monitoring and (by implication) tackling all these things at once is just overwhelming. I am significantly depressed after filling out the form because it seems to highlight all the ways I am failing rather than the ways I am succeeding. The psychologist has given me this sheet as homework once before and it had the same effect on me then. A full month long slump into depression is what followed. This sheet makes me feel very pressured to recover quickly from all of these things at once, a message that contradicts the advice of my psychiatrist (who I trust much more). His advice is to take it slowly and steadily and not feel rushed. As of yesterday, I stopped using the DBT form altogether. I am even considering giving up on the therapy with this psychologist after my next (sixth) session instead of seeing it through to the ten sessions my GP is willing to refer me for.

With the difficulty of further tobacco reduction, I am succeeding in reducing this a little more but the effort is gargantuan and seems to be sapping all the strength I have for making it out the door to my activities and appointments (or even to get dressed and showered). Writing here is just about the only thing that is distracting me from smoking again or thinking about it obsessively.

I've run out of steam on writing about it all now (a huge sigh of relief from any readers at this point).

I wonder if anyone else can make any sense of this.

27230 replies

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In response to: A long rave

Re: A long rave

I sometimes wonder the same kind of thing about the masses of cars on the highway, close to this flat, @CheerBear. Where are all those people going day and night?

I relate too to post-inspection sparkle last about five minutes. It's because this flat is small with so much stuff. It doesn't take much at all for it to get messy. And as soon as C has started one of his regular tech experiments, there's bits of equipment spread on the floor all around his little desk, lol.

I keep telling myself there's not much cleaning to do, but I'm very slow with housework. I only really have today and tomorrow to do it, and C will do some of it. I'll probably get up super early on Monday to do the final tasks and give it a bit of last minute shine.

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

I could spend hours lost in a world imagining up lives for total strangers @Mazarita. When we moved here the owners told me that this was a good place for people watching and they were definitely right.

Can also relate to the size of your home being cause for mess to happen quickly. Ours isn't tiny tiny but with the kids it can go from perfect to chaos so quickly. It doesn't take much to have it restored to OK enough though.

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Same here about it not taking that long to tidy up this place, @CheerBear, an advantage of the smallness. It's never super tidy, partly because the room we live in is more like a workshop than a lounge room, and in general we have a lot of stuff squeezed into the small space. But I can get it tidy enough these days to feel comfortable (except when I go through the deep depression cycles and can't get myself to do anything). Fortunately C does more than his fair share of cleaning tasks, so it's never totally out of hand.

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Our old house used to be similar with a lot squeezed in to a small space @Mazarita. I culled and cleared so much stuff when we moved and have enjoyed not having it since. To do it I got rid of things I maybe shouldn't have or could have still used though. Occasionally I still have a moment of "oops" when I'm looking for something that doesnt exist here anymore. It was fun to do at the time and very cathartic.

C sounds great. Really enjoy thinking of you both enjoying and appreciating each others company. I think I'd really like a C 🙂

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

C and I have culled a lot over the years, @CheerBear. We could still do more but we never really get much past keeping the place fairly neat and relatively clean.

We used to live in bigger places in the major city near here, especially a Queenslander house we once rented. There was so much stuff we stored the area under the house, as it was the first time I'd been able to have big parts of my life sent up from down south.

Tangential story about that same house was that it was near a big river in a flood zone, and from downstairs you could see that it had been through a flood before. We used to laughingly make plans for attaching a dinghy to the upstairs railings of the balcony. Two years after we moved, the place was under water almost to the roof when the floods once again hit that city.

C is great. He is the main part of my life for which I am so grateful. I've been wondering whether you've been able to have much contact with your recent friend who also has some mental health struggles. I'm imagining it might be hard to get much time together while going through everything you are experiencing at the moment. Would be great if you squeeze out some time with him too though. He seems to be a really good part of your life.

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Wow @Mazarita. Imagine having been in that house at the time 🙁 The flooding that happened up your way years ago was incredible. I remember being glued to the news feeling terrible for everyone at the time

Friend and I are still going pretty strong even though it's a very different and full on time for both of us. He's now met everyone in my in person life, even people I rarely see. We occasionally have an hour or so alone which we both really appreciate, but he still pops by most days and hangs out with us all. He's scoring lots of points with the person staying here because he has an incredible ability to know when Tim Tams and ice cream could help (which is pretty much always 😆). He's interested in serious and quick which is not where I am but we push on, gently trying to find a middle ground. We laugh so much and sometimes have very deep chats. I really like him and the kids enjoy his company also (hes awesome with them) and it seems he likes us lots too 🙂

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Really happy to hear Friend has been part of this difficult part of your life, @CheerBear, and that he is good with your family. C and I have been a very smooth part of our life together for some years now, but it was much harder at the beginning. Despite having a lot in common, we are very different people in so many ways. It's taken years to come to understand, accept and tolerate each other's differences. Over time I think friends become kind of more like each other too, each taking on traits of the other and, as you say, finding a better shared ground between. Every now and then, C and I sing this silly tune to each other which goes, 'I'm turning into you and you're turning into me', lol. Just one of many very silly ditties we've made up in our private life. The pair of us are still like children, though we're both in our fifties!

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Aww love that @Mazarita 😊❤

I can see how it may take a long time to find a groove with a C and to learn acceptance, tolerance and understanding that is greater than the challenges that can come with difference. My Mr fixit is learning that sometimes things can't be fixed especially by someone else, and that sitting with it and riding it out can be very helpful. I'm learning a lot about the different challenges and barriers men can sometimes have when they struggle. He has lots of pressure on him to "man up" 😏

We have nicknames for each other that rhyme. It throws people as they think that my nickname for him is his real name. Our together project at the moment is the vegetable garden. We spend quite a bit of time together out there.

I better head off and start this day. It's a really big one and I need to get myself ready for it (and race big to the shower).

So, so good to have your company this early morning again. Thanks for the chat Maz and I hope the day is another with lots of good in it xx

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Another great chat with you in the early hours, @CheerBear. My thoughts will go with you today, with many hugs along with them.

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Good morning @Mazarita @CheerBear @Shaz51 @Appleblossom @outlander @Bunniekins @Sophia1 @Faith-and-Hope @Exoplanet and anyone else who sees this post.

Nice to see your early morning chat flowing Maz and CB. I nearly came on-line around that time but went back to bed instead, for my 5th short nap.

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