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A long rave

A long rave

Edit Feb 2018: This thread has evolved into a chat thread, which is fine by me. In addition, I encourage other members to feel free to post their own 'long raves' in here too if wished. I will continue to post my own longer raves from time to time, as well as chat with friends along the way.

Original post from May 2016:

First of all, a (very) long post alert. Please don't feel obliged to read or respond. Mainly I am writing today to clear my own head of some things. So, here goes...

Last week, I managed to get to all planned appointments and activities every day of the week except Sunday. That only amounts to one, maximum two, per day, but was an improvement on previous weeks and months. I've made all planned appointments in a week before, but there have not been so many appointments in so many days consecutively. Many of you will know that, prior to about mid last year, I spent years very rarely leaving the flat. This was since the last of my breakdowns from paid employment in 2008 (one of so many similar breakdowns from paid working, though none as devastating in consequence as this last one). With each of these breakdowns, the recovery time got longer and longer. It's taken eight years to recover much at all this time around.

This week, so far, I've made none of my appointments or activities. In fact, I've not showered for days. Embarrassing to admit but maybe helpful to own up to it. As I write I'm still in what I wore to bed, as I was all day yesterday and the day before. The weird thing is that I don't feel that bad in my emotions, just crashed out physically and lacking almost all motivation except to use the computer. In other words, my mind and fingertips are alert and active, in fact nervy and overactive as usual, but the rest of me is crashed out. Perhaps I have entered what some people call a bipolar 'mixed state'. Whatever the terminology, this is where I am and I've been here so many times before.

The way I see it, there are a number of possible reasons for the way I am after last week:

  • inner conflict about how helpful my psychologist treatment is for me (saw her on Friday);
  • trying to further reduce my tobacco intake (the struggle seems disproportionately huge and exhausting);
  • needing recovery time from a big week (by my standards);
  • simply another manifestation of bipolar disorder in me.

Regarding the psychologist. She is young compared to me and I have the feeling that she may not grasp the full extent of my situation, partly through lack of life experience. Perhaps she may particularly lack an understanding of the various physical ailments that complicate things with me, some age-related (menopause, musculo-skeletal problems), one of them a chronic illness (crohns disease). She is treating me with some techniques from Dialectical Behavioural Therapy, something I honestly have never liked the sound of when I've read about it. The main 'homework' I have for this four week period is a sheet I am meant to fill out every night covering various things including tobacco use, coffee intake, isolating, unbalance eating, sleep patterns, lack of exercise. The sheet also includes sections monitoring mood every day. The problem I find is that monitoring and (by implication) tackling all these things at once is just overwhelming. I am significantly depressed after filling out the form because it seems to highlight all the ways I am failing rather than the ways I am succeeding. The psychologist has given me this sheet as homework once before and it had the same effect on me then. A full month long slump into depression is what followed. This sheet makes me feel very pressured to recover quickly from all of these things at once, a message that contradicts the advice of my psychiatrist (who I trust much more). His advice is to take it slowly and steadily and not feel rushed. As of yesterday, I stopped using the DBT form altogether. I am even considering giving up on the therapy with this psychologist after my next (sixth) session instead of seeing it through to the ten sessions my GP is willing to refer me for.

With the difficulty of further tobacco reduction, I am succeeding in reducing this a little more but the effort is gargantuan and seems to be sapping all the strength I have for making it out the door to my activities and appointments (or even to get dressed and showered). Writing here is just about the only thing that is distracting me from smoking again or thinking about it obsessively.

I've run out of steam on writing about it all now (a huge sigh of relief from any readers at this point).

I wonder if anyone else can make any sense of this.

27230 replies

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In response to: A long rave

Re: A long rave

From memory, and apologies if it is wrong, you had a complicated relationship with your father @Mazarita. Did you find that time stirred up lots of complicated thoughts and feelings? (With a side note to say I totally get why you might not want to or be able to reply to that one, which I completely respect and understand). This is so, so jumbly for me and I can see there will be some unpacking of 'stuff' to come.

I love that affirmation and am glad to hear you're practicing what you do so well to look after you.

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

@CheerBear, yes, very complicated relationship with dad, including memories of physical abuse, neglect and abandonment, witnessing violence regularly in the home between him and mum, his alcoholism and gambling addictions, as well as a huge amount of love between us. I believe he had bipolar too, though undiagnosed and therefore untreated (poor man), and I relate to a lot of what I witnessed of his internal life. Big subject, which is why this post is taking a while to write.

In the end though, he was so vulnerable in his illness that I couldn't blame him for anything at that time. He actually said 'sorry' to me on his deathbed. I told him he had nothing to be sorry about. A strange thing to say in response, but at that moment, as he was facing death, it seemed to be the truth.

Hope this is not too heavy for you at the moment. Hugs and love for it all.

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Thank you so much @Mazarita, for sharing. I am struggling to visit as this person is so vulnerable and scared but still old ways come through sometimes. I have left each time not tolerating any of what I see. I sit there in almost a shut down mode, so stuck with so many feelings, not knowing what one to go with. When we were given some guesses of time left the other day (which depends on lots of things right now and may be very little or may be enough to get home again and have some time), I took well person in late just to say goodnight. It all dissolved and all I had was feelings of love. I kissed them and said I loved them. I am going to try hard to do more of that.

Thanks again Mazarita ❤

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Sorry for the long time in replying, @CheerBear. Got stuck in the bathroom, damn crohns.

This time you are going through does bring up many feelings. The more the love ones come to the fore, the better for us, in my experience. Sounds like a beautiful moment you had with your person, the dissolving into compassiona and love.

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Is your crohns playing up with the stress you've been experiencing @Mazarita? Lots of ugh for you.

I like that thought, that maybe, out of all the feelings, love wins. I'll hold on to that one.

The sun is well and truly awake now and I'm going to have a shower, take a big breath and do today. I hope yours has some peaceful or good feeling moments.

Thank you for the company this morning. Also hoping that wasn't too heavy a chat for you. I really appreciate you and your friendship Mazarita ❤

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

My crohns plays up in that bathroom way pretty much every day, @CheerBear. I'm free of the extreme pain I was in when I was younger though, which is another blessing.

The chat wasn't too heavy for me by any means, @CheerBear. In fact, talking with you in these early mornings is often a great grounding start to my day. I don't feel so scattered in my thoughts now. Appreciation of you runs very high in my mind too, CB, and I so value our friendship. Hope your day brings many good feelings.

In response to: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Mazy @Mazarita

As I read your post I could nearly feel you taking a step down. I'm so sorry it came to that. Though I don't think you should take all the blame upon yourself, your friend asked for your help months ago & yet didn't give you any information or instructions until only weeks were left. The fact that you refer to them as a friend makes me think they know you a little as you seem to know them a little & the fact that lack of communication is a bit of a norm for them. I wonder whether the promise of dollars & cents, & creative recognition, were a compensation for knowing how much pressure they were putting on you? I'm reading between the lines, but I'm guessing your friend has brain process problems of their own. I think what has happened is just consequences of both your actions, neither good nor bad, just the way things went. You could even see it at a postive thing, next time your friend wants your help they may remember to communicate a bit more with you. I think you've done well, recognizing your limitations & admitting them, is an extremely difficult thing to do. Your friend now has time to compensate, so you have not failed - you've done the right thing

@ethYour news gave me an explosion of tingles, starting in my chest & spreading out to the very tips of my fingers & toes, it even made my head dizzy 🙂 Getting a name makes a Grandbaby feel more real & I imagine having the curtain of privacy lifted makes you feel like you've gotten your family back . . . only it's bigger & better 🙂 Goodness, it actually feels more exciting to me than knowing bub was born 🙂 CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Hi @Mazarita I love your mantra too. Thinking of you today and hoping you are starting to feel better gradually about taking a path of self-care rather than bowing to so much pressure to get the vid finished on time. Hoping your curator does understand her role in it and communicates in advance for you with future projects I hope they include you in.

Hey @Exoplanet I agree with you. Hearing from my adult child on the phone twice now has made it all so much more real than just getting messages. Especially hearing baby in the background sounding like a baby lamb. I felt so many feels when I read their announcement of baby's name. You're spot on about how it feels to reconnect at this time.

My day started with agitation and irritation as 5 minutes after I woke up I had a message from a new support worker I'd never met telling me they'd be here in 1/2 an hour. Hands shaking, palpitations, the works. 1. I had been told I had one of the workers I've been with before this afternoon. 2. the coordinator of supports knows and has on my file that I need an introduction meeting with her present before I go out with someone new. Even the worker that came agreed it was just plain rude to only give me 1/2 hour's notice of the change. I have to give them 24 hrs notice of changes from my end or else pay so it's just not ok for them to do what they did. Not the sw's fault at all but she got to hear my complaint nevertheless. Hoping this isn't a sign of an unreliable organisation that does this sort of thing regularly.

Good morning too to @Shaz51 @CheerBear @Sophia1 @Appleblossom @outlander @Faith-and-Hope @PeppiPatty @Bunniekins @Teej. Really hoping today is going well and according to plan for you all.

I'm not good at last minute changes and today proved it.

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

@Mazarita Sorry you pulled out of the video making, but hope you are still on the list for future possiblities. I like your mantra a lot too. I am more than my thoughts. I will let my spirit guide me ... is powerful as it unites mind and soul in an open and empowering way. Leanrning to dialogue with my thoughts and not be frightened by them has been huge for me.

Hearing you about your last moments with your father and his saying "sorry" It does not deny the difficulties you all faced, but admits of the love and difficulties he faced. I did not get that with my dad, but know he would have, if he could have. I did get that with my 2nd brothers death. It is meaningful.

Damn about the crohns.

@CheerBear I know the difficulties of loving people and not wanting to get drawn into problem behaviours. You have so much going on.

@eth Sorry that worker did not do due process.

There is something very clear and articulate about the way you discuss your feelings and all the MH workers & NDIS stuff. Your style has really helped me. Sometimes I get "flooded" and it can become a jumbled mess in my head and then I have to patiently tease it all out again. I fell strongly this site can play a role in keeping the system honest.

Hey @Exoplanet @Shaz51 and ALL

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Hello @eth

I believe that you did the best thing for you in letting the organisation know about this new support worker...

Her behaviour was totally inappropriate...

Aside from your struggles that have been explained....notifying someone in such a short time frame ...as well as your not being consulted about a new worker is rude and unacceptable...breaching the guidelines of a role of support worker I imagine...

I am hoping that you can see it that way and put the matter aside for them to deal with...not letting yourself be affected by such lack of careon their part..

You have much to look forward to with your grandchild and family..hang onto those warm loving feelings

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