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A long rave

A long rave

Edit Feb 2018: This thread has evolved into a chat thread, which is fine by me. In addition, I encourage other members to feel free to post their own 'long raves' in here too if wished. I will continue to post my own longer raves from time to time, as well as chat with friends along the way.

Original post from May 2016:

First of all, a (very) long post alert. Please don't feel obliged to read or respond. Mainly I am writing today to clear my own head of some things. So, here goes...

Last week, I managed to get to all planned appointments and activities every day of the week except Sunday. That only amounts to one, maximum two, per day, but was an improvement on previous weeks and months. I've made all planned appointments in a week before, but there have not been so many appointments in so many days consecutively. Many of you will know that, prior to about mid last year, I spent years very rarely leaving the flat. This was since the last of my breakdowns from paid employment in 2008 (one of so many similar breakdowns from paid working, though none as devastating in consequence as this last one). With each of these breakdowns, the recovery time got longer and longer. It's taken eight years to recover much at all this time around.

This week, so far, I've made none of my appointments or activities. In fact, I've not showered for days. Embarrassing to admit but maybe helpful to own up to it. As I write I'm still in what I wore to bed, as I was all day yesterday and the day before. The weird thing is that I don't feel that bad in my emotions, just crashed out physically and lacking almost all motivation except to use the computer. In other words, my mind and fingertips are alert and active, in fact nervy and overactive as usual, but the rest of me is crashed out. Perhaps I have entered what some people call a bipolar 'mixed state'. Whatever the terminology, this is where I am and I've been here so many times before.

The way I see it, there are a number of possible reasons for the way I am after last week:

  • inner conflict about how helpful my psychologist treatment is for me (saw her on Friday);
  • trying to further reduce my tobacco intake (the struggle seems disproportionately huge and exhausting);
  • needing recovery time from a big week (by my standards);
  • simply another manifestation of bipolar disorder in me.

Regarding the psychologist. She is young compared to me and I have the feeling that she may not grasp the full extent of my situation, partly through lack of life experience. Perhaps she may particularly lack an understanding of the various physical ailments that complicate things with me, some age-related (menopause, musculo-skeletal problems), one of them a chronic illness (crohns disease). She is treating me with some techniques from Dialectical Behavioural Therapy, something I honestly have never liked the sound of when I've read about it. The main 'homework' I have for this four week period is a sheet I am meant to fill out every night covering various things including tobacco use, coffee intake, isolating, unbalance eating, sleep patterns, lack of exercise. The sheet also includes sections monitoring mood every day. The problem I find is that monitoring and (by implication) tackling all these things at once is just overwhelming. I am significantly depressed after filling out the form because it seems to highlight all the ways I am failing rather than the ways I am succeeding. The psychologist has given me this sheet as homework once before and it had the same effect on me then. A full month long slump into depression is what followed. This sheet makes me feel very pressured to recover quickly from all of these things at once, a message that contradicts the advice of my psychiatrist (who I trust much more). His advice is to take it slowly and steadily and not feel rushed. As of yesterday, I stopped using the DBT form altogether. I am even considering giving up on the therapy with this psychologist after my next (sixth) session instead of seeing it through to the ten sessions my GP is willing to refer me for.

With the difficulty of further tobacco reduction, I am succeeding in reducing this a little more but the effort is gargantuan and seems to be sapping all the strength I have for making it out the door to my activities and appointments (or even to get dressed and showered). Writing here is just about the only thing that is distracting me from smoking again or thinking about it obsessively.

I've run out of steam on writing about it all now (a huge sigh of relief from any readers at this point).

I wonder if anyone else can make any sense of this.

27230 replies

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In response to: A long rave

Re: A Long Rave

Hi everyone,

@saturnzoon, sounds like a horrible situation. I find the idea of a 24 year old man bullying a 12 year old shocking and disturbing and just not on. A part of me thinks the police should be called on him if he is actually being violent to the child. Understand how awful it must be for you to be witness to this and feel unable to stop it. Can you take the 12 year old away from the 24 year old, and to a safer place for the time it is occurring (even another room where you can watch over him and keep your older son at bay). Feeling for you and your young child.

@outlander, hope it is one of the better days for you. I am guessing your dental work is approaching, or has already started happening. Wishing you well with that. Although it is an uncomfortable prospect, it will be so good when the dental issues are resolved. Hope some crochet is continuing to help you with difficulties. I have finished my project for the knit bomb project, just need to weave the ends in and get it up to the venue where the project is happening. I'll try to take a photo to share before then.

@CheerBear, wishing you a speedy end to the holiday period, to reduce stress and help you find some time to relax more. Hoping things are proceeding okay with the unwell person in your life. May today bring some better feelings your way.

@Exoplanet, love the image you posted. Looking forward to reading one of your longer posts before too long. I like knowing what's happening in your daily life, even if I'm not always able to respond just now. Love to you.

@eth, thanks again for your good wishes. Still haven't heard back from the curator about the thing that needs to happen before I can get hands on with the video. It's okay though as today I have a physio appointment at the hospital, which will be about 2 and a half hours in the bus travel all up (counting both directions). It will be good to get out of the flat, as I've been cooped up with the sudden projects, and the recovery day yesterday. Hope your psychologist appointment goes well, and that you do get that walk on the beach. Also love your image today. Love to you.

@everyone, wishing all a day that is one of the better ones.

In response to: A long rave

Re: A Long Rave

@eth, was drafting that last post when you posted your recent message to me. Disturbing dreams again before waking, recovering from the down mood I'm getting from them each morning lately. Fortunately, as the day progresses, they tend to recede in their effect on me. How are you this morning?

In response to: Re: A Long Rave

Re: A Long Rave

Morning @Mazarita. Great to hear you've finished your knit project! Hope there aren't too many ends to sew in - that part does my head in!

Thanks for your thoughts. Unwell one is OK enough. They've been moved from ICU and into a ward. Yesterday we heard the plan is for another week in hospital and then a week or two in rehab as they have to learn how to walk with pieces missing which is tough! It means other person will likely be at our place for longer than first thought but it isn't forever and it feels good (most of the time) to be able to offer them a place to stay and some support. It is a bit of a challenging time at the moment in a few ways though!

@eth hope your busy day is a good one for you 🙂

Its sunny and lovely here this morning. I'm hoping to plant some more seedlings if it stays this way today 🤞

Hope the day ahead goes well for all 💗👋

In response to: Re: A Long Rave

Re: A Long Rave

@CheerBear, good to hear unwell one has been moved out of ICU, that seems like good progress. I realise though that it is a long process of recovery for them. Good that they start that process in a rehab facility, with specialised assistance around the clock to help things from the start. Glad to hear the sun is shining at your place. Lovely to be planting seedlings around the time of the bad anniversary, and just as unwell one is starting their healing process. A kind of earth ritual for rebirth into new life.

In response to: Re: A Long Rave

Re: A Long Rave

Warm fuzzies at that reply thanks @Mazarita 😊 I am glad unwell one will be in rehab. The longer they're with specialist care the less pressure on well one who is struggling with it all. Love the idea of planting around these anniversaries. I hadn't thought of that and will now while I'm in the garden. Thank you ❤

In response to: Re: A Long Rave

Re: A Long Rave

Hugs, @CheerBear.

In response to: Re: A Long Rave

Re: A Long Rave

Hi everybody 👋💕

On a quick class break.

@saturnzoon .... suggest you give Relationships Australia a call ..... their counsellors May have more strategies to suggest, and more support facilities in this direction than we are aware of .....

Catch y’all later .....

In response to: Re: A Long Rave

Re: A Long Rave

@Exoplanet @eth @CheerBear @Mazarita

I am finishing my time on computer before I start my qi gong ... which is youtubing but my bum gets off the couch!

@saturnzoon Feeling for you in many ways ... as a mum ... and as a witness ...

Its doubly hard with the deliberate laugh about it quality. I would be talking to him about drawing a line in the sand and tough love. Put some challenges to the oldest to come up with solutions and to stop it. Maybe you cannot get it sorted during these holdays, but try and find some support for setting boundary that can be managed.

Perhpas there can be respite for him ... if he has mental health issues ... and so you can actually get out and have a decent holiday for the younger ones.

Sadly as a mum, my oldest daughter was allowed to be violent from when she was a toddler, and I lived with the trauma of trying to manage that for 16 years. My 2 younger children endured a lot. It was horrible and still plays out in our lives.

Hope there are some services that help.

Your oldest needs protection from his immaturity ... he wont want to be hated ...and to be encouraged to grow up.

Take Care

I talk about the animals at the zoo ... our lions are a well behaved bunch ... sometimes a day out and images and experiences like that get the message across ...

In response to: Re: A Long Rave

Re: A Long Rave

Hi again everyone 🙂 Just wanted to share some woohoo news (which I needed a bit of this week). Not long ago I sent in an application to be part of a suicide prevention thing that's starting where I am. After a chat with one of the people from the organisation, it looks like I've been accepted into it. There will be some training involving how to share your story safely to benefit yourself and others (something I am SO keen on learning more about). The program itself may involve things like being part of working groups and potentially some peer support, and my level of involvement in it all will be up to me. The person I spoke with sounded really encouraging and it seems like it's a very supportive organisation. I'm excited and really looking forward to it.

After a pretty miserable week and a frustrating morning having to cancel something I was looking forward to that was kind of like a mini version of this, this feels really good 🙂👍🌈

Hope the afternoon is going OK for all ❤

In response to: A long rave

Re: A Long Rave

@saturnzoon Hi saturnzoon this is going to sound really tough but I would call in the police for a stern talking to for your 24 year old. When my son2 was out of control and attacking us all that is what we did and then sometimes (alot) he was hospitalized. You cannot have you 12 year old feeling unsafe in his home PLUS if something really bad happened you dont want your 24 year old getting into real trouble. Get in there before it gets any worse your 24 year old is screaming for limits put on hs behaviour and you are the mother so you are the boss of the house not him.

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