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A long rave

A long rave

Edit Feb 2018: This thread has evolved into a chat thread, which is fine by me. In addition, I encourage other members to feel free to post their own 'long raves' in here too if wished. I will continue to post my own longer raves from time to time, as well as chat with friends along the way.

Original post from May 2016:

First of all, a (very) long post alert. Please don't feel obliged to read or respond. Mainly I am writing today to clear my own head of some things. So, here goes...

Last week, I managed to get to all planned appointments and activities every day of the week except Sunday. That only amounts to one, maximum two, per day, but was an improvement on previous weeks and months. I've made all planned appointments in a week before, but there have not been so many appointments in so many days consecutively. Many of you will know that, prior to about mid last year, I spent years very rarely leaving the flat. This was since the last of my breakdowns from paid employment in 2008 (one of so many similar breakdowns from paid working, though none as devastating in consequence as this last one). With each of these breakdowns, the recovery time got longer and longer. It's taken eight years to recover much at all this time around.

This week, so far, I've made none of my appointments or activities. In fact, I've not showered for days. Embarrassing to admit but maybe helpful to own up to it. As I write I'm still in what I wore to bed, as I was all day yesterday and the day before. The weird thing is that I don't feel that bad in my emotions, just crashed out physically and lacking almost all motivation except to use the computer. In other words, my mind and fingertips are alert and active, in fact nervy and overactive as usual, but the rest of me is crashed out. Perhaps I have entered what some people call a bipolar 'mixed state'. Whatever the terminology, this is where I am and I've been here so many times before.

The way I see it, there are a number of possible reasons for the way I am after last week:

  • inner conflict about how helpful my psychologist treatment is for me (saw her on Friday);
  • trying to further reduce my tobacco intake (the struggle seems disproportionately huge and exhausting);
  • needing recovery time from a big week (by my standards);
  • simply another manifestation of bipolar disorder in me.

Regarding the psychologist. She is young compared to me and I have the feeling that she may not grasp the full extent of my situation, partly through lack of life experience. Perhaps she may particularly lack an understanding of the various physical ailments that complicate things with me, some age-related (menopause, musculo-skeletal problems), one of them a chronic illness (crohns disease). She is treating me with some techniques from Dialectical Behavioural Therapy, something I honestly have never liked the sound of when I've read about it. The main 'homework' I have for this four week period is a sheet I am meant to fill out every night covering various things including tobacco use, coffee intake, isolating, unbalance eating, sleep patterns, lack of exercise. The sheet also includes sections monitoring mood every day. The problem I find is that monitoring and (by implication) tackling all these things at once is just overwhelming. I am significantly depressed after filling out the form because it seems to highlight all the ways I am failing rather than the ways I am succeeding. The psychologist has given me this sheet as homework once before and it had the same effect on me then. A full month long slump into depression is what followed. This sheet makes me feel very pressured to recover quickly from all of these things at once, a message that contradicts the advice of my psychiatrist (who I trust much more). His advice is to take it slowly and steadily and not feel rushed. As of yesterday, I stopped using the DBT form altogether. I am even considering giving up on the therapy with this psychologist after my next (sixth) session instead of seeing it through to the ten sessions my GP is willing to refer me for.

With the difficulty of further tobacco reduction, I am succeeding in reducing this a little more but the effort is gargantuan and seems to be sapping all the strength I have for making it out the door to my activities and appointments (or even to get dressed and showered). Writing here is just about the only thing that is distracting me from smoking again or thinking about it obsessively.

I've run out of steam on writing about it all now (a huge sigh of relief from any readers at this point).

I wonder if anyone else can make any sense of this.

27230 replies

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In response to: A long rave

Re: A Long Rave

Hey @Mazarita just clocked your post. How are you going this night? I've had 4 sleeps already and am sick and tired of getting only an hr or so at a time. So here I am.

In response to: Re: A Long Rave

Re: A Long Rave

Hi @Faith-and-Hope hoping you've sorted out your tech problems now. And wow to all the spaces you've set up for art/craft work. Enjoy your study break.

In response to: Re: A Long Rave

Re: A Long Rave

Sorry you are only getting an hour at a time of sleep, @eth. I imagine it might be not hearing about the birth of your new grandchild that might be making your sleep extra hard. Hugs.

I'm okay tonight. Have just been dealing with a couple of video admin issues which seem to be coming through thick and fast at the moment. Now is the only clear moment I've had to do that. Still have something that needs doing tomorrow if I can get to it.

In response to: Re: A Long Rave

Re: A Long Rave

He @Mazarita Yes my sleep disturbance is likely largely due to anticipating bub's arrival but last night and tonight I've had bouts of extreme anger and lots of other feels about my mum, who shot her mouth off one too many times Tuesday night. Asked me if I thought that by not gender assigning their bub at birth they are guilty of child abuse. Brought up so much about her not protecting us as children and the time when she had my child babysat by a known pedophile (her step-son) and ..... and ..... and ..........

In response to: Re: A Long Rave

Re: A Long Rave

He @Mazarita Yes my sleep disturbance is likely largely due to anticipating bub's arrival but last night and tonight I've had bouts of extreme anger and lots of other feels about my mum, who shot her mouth off one too many times Tuesday night. Asked me if I thought that by not gender assigning their bub at birth they are guilty of child abuse. Brought up so much about her not protecting us as children and the time when she had my child babysat regularly by a known pdphile (her step-son) while I was in hospital and ..... and ..... and ..........

In response to: Re: A Long Rave

Re: A Long Rave

Just discovered another word we can't use here! @Mazarita

In response to: Re: A Long Rave

Re: A Long Rave

Wow, that is a lot of sh*t with your mum, @eth. I can understand how the issue of your granchild's gender assignment would be a delicate issue for you. Sounds like your mum goes in with heavy boots when she's got something on her mind. I'm guessing your son-in-law is your adult child's partner? Does that mean you are getting updates after all?

In response to: Re: A Long Rave

Re: A Long Rave

Hi @saturnzoon feeling for you with all the dental stuff going on atm. Hope the treatment isn't too traumatic for you. I'm in the midst of a bunch of appointments myself so I hear you loud and clear.

In response to: Re: A Long Rave

Re: A Long Rave

Yes he's adult child's husband @Mazarita Just the one update but it meant a lot to me that he rang me instead of just doing another group fb post. And I told him about sil's mum and I coming down in october and staying in a motel together for 3 nights and he said excellent so that put my mind at ease some more. They've been saying they don't want to see anyone for a period after bub comes so I feel more included that they are happy for me to come.

Mum is just bl00dy outrageous. She has now alienated all 3 of her daughters. I've told her not to communicate with me, she tried again since so I told her again. Both psychologist and psychiatrist yesterday said it's important this time to not just want boundaries, but to put them in place and stick to them. And of course mum emailed sil immediately after I hung up on her. Full of sh&t and totally blind to what she's done. My kid and their partner have a beautiful relationship and are totally devoted to each other and their child (now 4 1/2) and anyone who knows them knows they are excellent parents.

When she said it she floored me and the real pure anger I felt afterwards was massive. She's opened floodgates in me but I know there's absolutely no point in trying to work through it all with her. I just despise her right now and think she's an absolute c-word.

In response to: Re: A Long Rave

Re: A Long Rave

popping out for a smoke @Mazarita brb

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