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A long rave

A long rave

Edit Feb 2018: This thread has evolved into a chat thread, which is fine by me. In addition, I encourage other members to feel free to post their own 'long raves' in here too if wished. I will continue to post my own longer raves from time to time, as well as chat with friends along the way.

Original post from May 2016:

First of all, a (very) long post alert. Please don't feel obliged to read or respond. Mainly I am writing today to clear my own head of some things. So, here goes...

Last week, I managed to get to all planned appointments and activities every day of the week except Sunday. That only amounts to one, maximum two, per day, but was an improvement on previous weeks and months. I've made all planned appointments in a week before, but there have not been so many appointments in so many days consecutively. Many of you will know that, prior to about mid last year, I spent years very rarely leaving the flat. This was since the last of my breakdowns from paid employment in 2008 (one of so many similar breakdowns from paid working, though none as devastating in consequence as this last one). With each of these breakdowns, the recovery time got longer and longer. It's taken eight years to recover much at all this time around.

This week, so far, I've made none of my appointments or activities. In fact, I've not showered for days. Embarrassing to admit but maybe helpful to own up to it. As I write I'm still in what I wore to bed, as I was all day yesterday and the day before. The weird thing is that I don't feel that bad in my emotions, just crashed out physically and lacking almost all motivation except to use the computer. In other words, my mind and fingertips are alert and active, in fact nervy and overactive as usual, but the rest of me is crashed out. Perhaps I have entered what some people call a bipolar 'mixed state'. Whatever the terminology, this is where I am and I've been here so many times before.

The way I see it, there are a number of possible reasons for the way I am after last week:

  • inner conflict about how helpful my psychologist treatment is for me (saw her on Friday);
  • trying to further reduce my tobacco intake (the struggle seems disproportionately huge and exhausting);
  • needing recovery time from a big week (by my standards);
  • simply another manifestation of bipolar disorder in me.

Regarding the psychologist. She is young compared to me and I have the feeling that she may not grasp the full extent of my situation, partly through lack of life experience. Perhaps she may particularly lack an understanding of the various physical ailments that complicate things with me, some age-related (menopause, musculo-skeletal problems), one of them a chronic illness (crohns disease). She is treating me with some techniques from Dialectical Behavioural Therapy, something I honestly have never liked the sound of when I've read about it. The main 'homework' I have for this four week period is a sheet I am meant to fill out every night covering various things including tobacco use, coffee intake, isolating, unbalance eating, sleep patterns, lack of exercise. The sheet also includes sections monitoring mood every day. The problem I find is that monitoring and (by implication) tackling all these things at once is just overwhelming. I am significantly depressed after filling out the form because it seems to highlight all the ways I am failing rather than the ways I am succeeding. The psychologist has given me this sheet as homework once before and it had the same effect on me then. A full month long slump into depression is what followed. This sheet makes me feel very pressured to recover quickly from all of these things at once, a message that contradicts the advice of my psychiatrist (who I trust much more). His advice is to take it slowly and steadily and not feel rushed. As of yesterday, I stopped using the DBT form altogether. I am even considering giving up on the therapy with this psychologist after my next (sixth) session instead of seeing it through to the ten sessions my GP is willing to refer me for.

With the difficulty of further tobacco reduction, I am succeeding in reducing this a little more but the effort is gargantuan and seems to be sapping all the strength I have for making it out the door to my activities and appointments (or even to get dressed and showered). Writing here is just about the only thing that is distracting me from smoking again or thinking about it obsessively.

I've run out of steam on writing about it all now (a huge sigh of relief from any readers at this point).

I wonder if anyone else can make any sense of this.

27230 replies

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In response to: A long rave

Re: A Long Rave

@eth, so hard with your mum. I hope you are able to take some time out and not respond to any of her communications for a while at least. Is your first grandchild gender assigned? I imagine that sil is supportive of you through your difficulties with your mum?

In response to: Re: A Long Rave

Re: A Long Rave

Yes @Mazarita sil is very supportive and also has good insight into Mum's ways after being with my bro for over 25 years.

My granddaughter was given choice over what pronouns she uses as soon as she was old enough to understand and knows that Zaza (my adult child - not 'mummy') uses they words while littlie chooses to use girl words and Daddy uses he words. Hope this makes sense. They have not explained in detail about transition or any of the grown-up stuff. She doesn't ask why, just accepts that Zaza is not a girl or a boy. And that what parts a person has is private. Pretty simple really, and it's all she's ever known. Def not abusive, this is an issue of being authentic and living a life true to themself for my adult child and their family. And discriminating against them for being this way is not even legal these days. Mum has had all this explained to her over and over through the last 5 years and even pushed for marriage equality in her church so what she's said now is total hypocrisy. I'm ranting, sorry.

In response to: Re: A Long Rave

Re: A Long Rave

Ranting is okay, @eth. You have a huge amount going on. Glad to hear you are seeing a physiotherapist. Kind wishes that organising and taking the Sheba trip there is easier than anticipated.

I'm heading back to bed now. Hope you get some more sleep soon. ox

In response to: Re: A Long Rave

Re: A Long Rave

Sleep well @Mazarita

Good morning in advance @Faith-and-Hope @Teej @Exoplanet @Appleblossom @Shaz51 @Bunniekins @CheerBear @Sophia1 @saturnzoon and anyone else passing this way.

A huge week for me :

GP tuesday

Psychologist, x-rays, shopping and psychiatrist wednesday

Physiotherapist today

plus cooking for the family tues and today

anticipating the birth of my 2nd grandchild

plus all the Mum-stuff I've just ranted about.

Looking forward to a pause for a couple of days.

And catching up for chats here.

Take care everyone

In response to: Re: A Long Rave

Re: A Long Rave

@eth hi eth and good morning ! 🙂 that is a huge week and we are all anticipating the birth of number 2 :D! I must have missed it but why the x rays? I hope nothing too serious..... I am having a big week this week as well daughter back in hospital with depression (but is the best place for her ... miss her like crazy though). Seeing my psychologist and then next son2 is seeing his new (hopefully very ordinary looking) pdoc.

I hope you have a great day eth, Love gp

In response to: Re: A Long Rave

Re: A Long Rave

@Mazarita@eth@Faith-and-Hope@Teej@Exoplanet@outlander@saturnzoon@TAB and @everyone who passes wishing you all a fabulous day ahead. Sunshine here and meant to be 20 degrees perfect so might go for a walk. Have a great day with whatever you are doing. Love gp

In response to: Re: A Long Rave

Re: A Long Rave

Sounds good @Bunniekins Im at work job good looks like rain ha so that will stop things lol

In response to: Re: A Long Rave

Re: A Long Rave

Morning everyone ..... 👋☕️💕 No tag-ability again today ..... sorry 😐

In response to: Re: A Long Rave

Re: A Long Rave

@TABs if it rains do they send you home? 😛

In response to: Re: A Long Rave

Re: A Long Rave

Hearing you @eth, and thanks for including me ..... I am looking forward to the hearing about your new grandchild when they arrive ...... ❤️ So sorry to hear about the mother-issues. I have a close friend who, together with her partner, “divorced” the mother-in-law, because she was so disruptive to the family’s ability to function. Sometimes it’s the only way forward for the sake of everyone else’s mental health ...... and mine (mil) isn’t far from that category ..... My study break was good, and I have arrived back to the setting up of the first art space today ...... so I am sitting in bottled excitement here. Don’t want to unpack any cases, because most of what I brought back is to go in there. Tomorrow night, a pairing of one of mine will be flying in for a much-ado sporting event .....
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