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A long rave

A long rave

Edit Feb 2018: This thread has evolved into a chat thread, which is fine by me. In addition, I encourage other members to feel free to post their own 'long raves' in here too if wished. I will continue to post my own longer raves from time to time, as well as chat with friends along the way.

Original post from May 2016:

First of all, a (very) long post alert. Please don't feel obliged to read or respond. Mainly I am writing today to clear my own head of some things. So, here goes...

Last week, I managed to get to all planned appointments and activities every day of the week except Sunday. That only amounts to one, maximum two, per day, but was an improvement on previous weeks and months. I've made all planned appointments in a week before, but there have not been so many appointments in so many days consecutively. Many of you will know that, prior to about mid last year, I spent years very rarely leaving the flat. This was since the last of my breakdowns from paid employment in 2008 (one of so many similar breakdowns from paid working, though none as devastating in consequence as this last one). With each of these breakdowns, the recovery time got longer and longer. It's taken eight years to recover much at all this time around.

This week, so far, I've made none of my appointments or activities. In fact, I've not showered for days. Embarrassing to admit but maybe helpful to own up to it. As I write I'm still in what I wore to bed, as I was all day yesterday and the day before. The weird thing is that I don't feel that bad in my emotions, just crashed out physically and lacking almost all motivation except to use the computer. In other words, my mind and fingertips are alert and active, in fact nervy and overactive as usual, but the rest of me is crashed out. Perhaps I have entered what some people call a bipolar 'mixed state'. Whatever the terminology, this is where I am and I've been here so many times before.

The way I see it, there are a number of possible reasons for the way I am after last week:

  • inner conflict about how helpful my psychologist treatment is for me (saw her on Friday);
  • trying to further reduce my tobacco intake (the struggle seems disproportionately huge and exhausting);
  • needing recovery time from a big week (by my standards);
  • simply another manifestation of bipolar disorder in me.

Regarding the psychologist. She is young compared to me and I have the feeling that she may not grasp the full extent of my situation, partly through lack of life experience. Perhaps she may particularly lack an understanding of the various physical ailments that complicate things with me, some age-related (menopause, musculo-skeletal problems), one of them a chronic illness (crohns disease). She is treating me with some techniques from Dialectical Behavioural Therapy, something I honestly have never liked the sound of when I've read about it. The main 'homework' I have for this four week period is a sheet I am meant to fill out every night covering various things including tobacco use, coffee intake, isolating, unbalance eating, sleep patterns, lack of exercise. The sheet also includes sections monitoring mood every day. The problem I find is that monitoring and (by implication) tackling all these things at once is just overwhelming. I am significantly depressed after filling out the form because it seems to highlight all the ways I am failing rather than the ways I am succeeding. The psychologist has given me this sheet as homework once before and it had the same effect on me then. A full month long slump into depression is what followed. This sheet makes me feel very pressured to recover quickly from all of these things at once, a message that contradicts the advice of my psychiatrist (who I trust much more). His advice is to take it slowly and steadily and not feel rushed. As of yesterday, I stopped using the DBT form altogether. I am even considering giving up on the therapy with this psychologist after my next (sixth) session instead of seeing it through to the ten sessions my GP is willing to refer me for.

With the difficulty of further tobacco reduction, I am succeeding in reducing this a little more but the effort is gargantuan and seems to be sapping all the strength I have for making it out the door to my activities and appointments (or even to get dressed and showered). Writing here is just about the only thing that is distracting me from smoking again or thinking about it obsessively.

I've run out of steam on writing about it all now (a huge sigh of relief from any readers at this point).

I wonder if anyone else can make any sense of this.

27230 replies

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In response to: A long rave

Re: A long rave

What has changed @Mazarita is that I am saying my truth and being decent and reasonable and that the social world is reflecting my reality better.

I have not changed that much. The issues are often bigger than me, but are around me.

It is huger than just an arts event. There was a lot of abuse and COVER UP of abuse involved in the incident with the church and that choir conductor.

When I say I have really bent over to fit in. I am not exaggerating. I am understating my effort and physical pain and suffering for what happened to my body. Lets not even get to my heart and mind. Yes its complicated. I have tried to be clear and simplify things.

I was upset once @Nik

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

I was upset once @NikNik said things I wrote were just my opinion.

Nah there has been enough evidenced based research, lived experience, pi and 3.14 in my life and posting that indicate it is more than an onion.

Sorry last phrases were being a smart alec and obscure re fb memes.

Anyway I am getting a sense finally that life is changing for the better. Maybe one day the kerfuffe re my daughter will right itself too. Here's to hope.

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Goodnight everyone. Sleep as well as possible.

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Hello Everyone 🙂

@Bunniekins

@MazaritaGood Morning, hope you got peaceful, pleasant sleep

@ethsending calm, clear vibes to help you organize things today

@CheerBearsending you energy to catch up with what you started {you go girl for starting!}

@Appleblossom I thought you were brave just going to a public event, after reading you posts I have a better idea how incredibly brave you really are! You inspire me!

@TeejI think you speak my language, well at least you understand it 😉 Maybe your not quite as feral as me {I happen to be proud of the fact that I'm not entirely tamed! :)} but think maybe you have problems fitting in, like I do, as if somehow being a little rough round the edges makes me less human.

I'm off to talk to the patient lady today, I don't really see the sense in it, I can't talk to her, I can't talk to anyone. I want to tell her about the man I once knew & my cat - but that'll make me cry & feel shame. What's the use in that? I think I'd like to stop going, it costs me $50 every time I go, well I have to come up with hundreds, then a few days later I get a chunk back, but it's $50 out of my pocket every time. I've been telling myself that 50 dollars is what I pay to have a link with a real human being, telling myself I'm trying to get better - but this time I haven't prepared anything, I don't have any pages to hand over for her to read. Because I missed the last appointment, I felt obliged to accept an earlier one today, I wouldn't have time to go to the library & print anything out, so I didn't write anything. I'm not really looking forward to it, what's the sense in that?

Love to all

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Good morning @Mazarita @CheerBear @Appleblossom and anyone else around this morning.

@Mazarita No fire yet - sil didn't want me to as she's still recovering from a cold with bronchitis. Fair enough. She and her mum will go away for a few days from Thurs so I'll be here by myself and can do it when I choose. Will be full moon around then too so it will be nice to be outside at night even if it's cold. Apparently there's a lunar eclipse early Saturday morning too.

Nice to hear about getting some sunshine at your friend's place.

@CheerBear I've been known to start several jobs and not finish them many times. There's still a downpipe on my cabin that I painted 3/4 over a year ago! Maybe just focus on one job this morning if you can and see where that takes you.

@Appleblossom good to hear you are honouring yourself more and that community is reflecting that back to you. You've walked a hard road and come far, even since I've known you. You are perhaps more resilient and persistent than it feels sometimes. I hope too that things resolve with your daughter before too long. I had to let mine go completely for nearly 3 years and just leave the door open for them to hopefully come back. Nothing else I could do. Eventually they wanted me back in their life, but we had to leave the past well alone in order to have a new present.

@outlander I got a clue things haven't been going so well for you lately. I'm still mainly only on this thread but if you want to tag me elsewhere I'll reply.

Hoping today is starting well for everyone.

PS to those who tag me elsewhere - I'll try to reply there more often now that I'm not snowed under to such a degree. There's just one person I prefer not to have contact with so I usually end up back here if I 'see' them. Long story there, but lets just say our beliefs are diametrically opposed and it was clear that we couldn't just 'agree to disagree'. With so many people using the forums these days it's only natural that we won't be compatible with everyone. It's not anyone who I've had contact with this year so if you're reading this it's definitely not you xx (Rave over)

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Morning everyone 😊🌞

Sending you big hugs this morning @Exoplanet. It can be so hard to talk about things that we keep to ourselves and feel big feelings about. For me it feels scary sometimes to expose that stuff and be raw and vulnerable with someone. I get why you might be questioning the point in it. Brene Brown has some fabulous ideas about shame, one being "shame cannot survive being spoken and being met with empathy". Perhaps with time, you and patient lady can work together at something like that. Hugs again, and wishing you the best with it ❤

I managed to finish off everything I started last night and woke this morning to a house that sparkled. I decluttered all the little corners that were gathering things, mopped, dusted, organised and tidied. Then I slept really well! It feels so good this morning and im well prepared now for being able to do the things I have planned this week (lots of appointments and a couple of catch ups with different people) ☺

Hope everyone has a good start to the day!

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Missed your post @eth. Hope the day ahead is a good one for you!

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Hi @Exoplanet good morning to you.

you have the right to work with someone you really feel compatible with.

Whatever you want to talk to them about should be accepted by them.

Sometimes the times when I've seen my psychologist and haven't had definite things in mind or written down to talk with her about have been the best sessions I've had with her. Because she takes notes every time we talk and has done a 'trauma map' of my life, she's able to ask really pertinent questions that open me up to do some really fruitful work with her. So maybe it's good to go with no agenda occasionally.

I've found that being with my therapist is a safe place for crying and even shame - that's the way they've been able to see my truth and help me process those feelings and sometimes see things from a different angle that is more healing and less self-judging.

You also have the option of talking to your referring GP and telling them you'd rather try seeing someone else and ask for a new referral. I did this last year after seeing a total d&%k of a man 3 times - 3 strikes and you're out was my policy. I then googled for psychologists in my area and rang their clinics to find out more about what they specialized in. Also asked my psychiatrist who they'd recommend. By doing all that I ended up finding a trauma-informed therapist who is the best one I've ever worked with. I've seen her now for over a year. I've worked with several others over the years but found they just kept me in a holding pattern so to speak, didn't help me make real progress like I have this last year.

I really hope your session goes well for you today.

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Great to hear you got your jobs finished last night @CheerBear. That must have felt so good when you woke today.

I made an agreement with my psychologist last week that I will start my day getting one thing done IRL before turning on the computer. Today it was washing dishes. Feels good now to see the kitchen area clean.

In response to: A long rave

Re: A long rave

@Sophia1 Hi Sophia and and good morning am feeling a little bit better this morning. Beautiful weather here and my leg (I think has recovered enough for a walk!!!!). So I will do it which if I can will make me feel so much better :). Yes son1 and I have a good relationship (thank god) we talk through Whatsapp which works well for us.

You are so sweet re cows for son2 he love his cows so much. Will be extra wonderful that I can explan they are from a really kind lady especially sent for him that will make him smile I know it will 🙂 xxxxx

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