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A long rave

A long rave

Edit Feb 2018: This thread has evolved into a chat thread, which is fine by me. In addition, I encourage other members to feel free to post their own 'long raves' in here too if wished. I will continue to post my own longer raves from time to time, as well as chat with friends along the way.

Original post from May 2016:

First of all, a (very) long post alert. Please don't feel obliged to read or respond. Mainly I am writing today to clear my own head of some things. So, here goes...

Last week, I managed to get to all planned appointments and activities every day of the week except Sunday. That only amounts to one, maximum two, per day, but was an improvement on previous weeks and months. I've made all planned appointments in a week before, but there have not been so many appointments in so many days consecutively. Many of you will know that, prior to about mid last year, I spent years very rarely leaving the flat. This was since the last of my breakdowns from paid employment in 2008 (one of so many similar breakdowns from paid working, though none as devastating in consequence as this last one). With each of these breakdowns, the recovery time got longer and longer. It's taken eight years to recover much at all this time around.

This week, so far, I've made none of my appointments or activities. In fact, I've not showered for days. Embarrassing to admit but maybe helpful to own up to it. As I write I'm still in what I wore to bed, as I was all day yesterday and the day before. The weird thing is that I don't feel that bad in my emotions, just crashed out physically and lacking almost all motivation except to use the computer. In other words, my mind and fingertips are alert and active, in fact nervy and overactive as usual, but the rest of me is crashed out. Perhaps I have entered what some people call a bipolar 'mixed state'. Whatever the terminology, this is where I am and I've been here so many times before.

The way I see it, there are a number of possible reasons for the way I am after last week:

  • inner conflict about how helpful my psychologist treatment is for me (saw her on Friday);
  • trying to further reduce my tobacco intake (the struggle seems disproportionately huge and exhausting);
  • needing recovery time from a big week (by my standards);
  • simply another manifestation of bipolar disorder in me.

Regarding the psychologist. She is young compared to me and I have the feeling that she may not grasp the full extent of my situation, partly through lack of life experience. Perhaps she may particularly lack an understanding of the various physical ailments that complicate things with me, some age-related (menopause, musculo-skeletal problems), one of them a chronic illness (crohns disease). She is treating me with some techniques from Dialectical Behavioural Therapy, something I honestly have never liked the sound of when I've read about it. The main 'homework' I have for this four week period is a sheet I am meant to fill out every night covering various things including tobacco use, coffee intake, isolating, unbalance eating, sleep patterns, lack of exercise. The sheet also includes sections monitoring mood every day. The problem I find is that monitoring and (by implication) tackling all these things at once is just overwhelming. I am significantly depressed after filling out the form because it seems to highlight all the ways I am failing rather than the ways I am succeeding. The psychologist has given me this sheet as homework once before and it had the same effect on me then. A full month long slump into depression is what followed. This sheet makes me feel very pressured to recover quickly from all of these things at once, a message that contradicts the advice of my psychiatrist (who I trust much more). His advice is to take it slowly and steadily and not feel rushed. As of yesterday, I stopped using the DBT form altogether. I am even considering giving up on the therapy with this psychologist after my next (sixth) session instead of seeing it through to the ten sessions my GP is willing to refer me for.

With the difficulty of further tobacco reduction, I am succeeding in reducing this a little more but the effort is gargantuan and seems to be sapping all the strength I have for making it out the door to my activities and appointments (or even to get dressed and showered). Writing here is just about the only thing that is distracting me from smoking again or thinking about it obsessively.

I've run out of steam on writing about it all now (a huge sigh of relief from any readers at this point).

I wonder if anyone else can make any sense of this.

27230 replies

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In response to: A long rave

Re: A long rave

@Twinklelight, they are lucky to have you who loves them.

Yes, I decided against having children due to my physical and mental health issues, also that I had no money to look after them, or people who could support me and them anywhere near me. I think it was a wise decision for me. I love hearing about other peoples love of their children though.

In response to: A long rave

Re: A long rave

I know how it feels living with family members judging....a sister and a mum who did the same..

just keep that radiant smile for your beautiful daughter ....zone your thoughts in on her having a beautiful birthday...

then you get to keep some wonderful memories..

enjoy the special time @Twinklelight they grow up so quickly....

I was thrilled last night when my younger 34 year old son rang to remind me that my birthday is coming up and what was I doing...when could we catch up....felt very stoked and warm inside....

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

well ts true what you say @Mazarita . if my mental illness come up sooner , i wouldnt have had kids. i know that for sure because its unfair for them. i feel sorry for my kids because they see things that they shouldnt see. im always in bed. i dont really play with them. i spend time with them but that at the minimun. im not always there for them like i should be. and i hate myself for that. but i hope that they will understand that o ne day and not hate me for it

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

that must have been very nice for you @Sophia1

i will try enjoy her birthday. its only for 3 hour that people are here for only hopefully. i just hope they dont stay longer. its so draining for me. its like 2 days put into one.

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

you will be fine...you will find your inner strength ....

focus on the children and positive smiling people in the room..

then you have the time to relax when the 3 hours are over...

laugh and enjoy the time with your daughter as she unwraps her presents...

take care

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

@Twinklelight, I know the feelings you describe about not being able to get out of bed, and struggling to do enjoyable things when our emotions feel like they are against us. I send best hopes that your children will understand in time. Most importantly may be forgiving ourselves for our limitations. From experience, I know that it doesn't help our states of mind to hate ourselves. I fairly regularly practise an exercise my psychologist gave me. It goes like this: put hand over your heart in a nurturing way and say out loud (or in the mind if that's not possible), 'I forgive you'. I find this exercise very helpful in dealing with the guilt and shame I have over things in my life.

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Well, after 1pm and I am now washed, dressed, bed made, kitchen tidied and ready to go to friend's place when she rings when she gets home. Also made myself a tuna and mayo sandwich for lunch. The day is taking a much better turn than my past three days that have pretty much been spent in my bed clothes and dressing gown. So relieved to be finding the energy to do some other things today.

In response to: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Sounds like a good night last night @eth, we had Thai takeaways last night xx

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Wow @Sophia1, how nice and lovely son xxx

Yes @Mazarita, as for me I can not have Amy children of my own due to Rubella Syndrome xx

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

I had a lovely night last night at a cd launch. It was special in of itself. A few odd serendipitous things occured.

As I entered foyer I saw a choir lady who is very competent and invited me to sit with her in rehearsals. I saved a seat in concert for her and we are becoming friendly. Then I saw the nurse who helped me 3 years ago when I had an enormous emotional flare up on Christmas Eve performance vigil. She was nice & polite and said I looked good. As I entered hall I saw the conductor from same choir who asked me to leave and never supported me in that former church choir. He was my age but immature and laughed at me re "happy pills" and being "a bunny stunned in the headlights" etc.

I just passed and boomed in my alto voice ... all the right people are here ... then I turned around and saw the Recorder lady sitting with her husband who put out my neck ... so said the same thing all the right people are here ... she cant help herself and then had to say .. "I'm only teasing" Unfortunately those who are complacent think it is fine to go around .. only teasing ... and causing all sorts of grief. With the Recorder lady. I will be firm, friendly but no nonsense.

We were all organised sitting and a man asked me to move down to make way fro his group, which was fine and I did, but it put me right in front of my old conductor. So he had to sit through performance with my head in his view. I turned and asked him how the choir was ... etc .. next to him was a Jesuit composer, beautiful liturgical music but arrogant as all hell. So I guess that is a way of the NATURAL LAW arranging things without my input. It helps me say good bye to that choir .. It was a dreadful wrench to leave that choir. It symbolised all I believed was good, but it was an very earthly church ... very much embroiled in Royal Commission issues. SO I learn that what I loved was really my ideals, somewhat formed in church but also my particular life experience. that were aligned with the church's charism. My hopes had been high, but my experience at the church was difficult. It was also the church of my childhood. SO I am moving through an era. It was obvious to them that I knew a lot of people and was well respected in my newer choir. It does take time to get social.

My ensuite burst a pipe again last night. It is the 2nd time in 15 years. The only place in the house that has malfunctioned. When I was paranoid, I might interpret that as a sign from god saying that I did not deserve an ensuite. For some reason I am over that. It is just budget plumbing. Another job on the list.

Take Care All

@Mazarita @Exoplanet @Sophia1 @Shaz51 @Twinklelight @eth @Bunniekins @CheerBear

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