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A long rave

A long rave

Edit Feb 2018: This thread has evolved into a chat thread, which is fine by me. In addition, I encourage other members to feel free to post their own 'long raves' in here too if wished. I will continue to post my own longer raves from time to time, as well as chat with friends along the way.

Original post from May 2016:

First of all, a (very) long post alert. Please don't feel obliged to read or respond. Mainly I am writing today to clear my own head of some things. So, here goes...

Last week, I managed to get to all planned appointments and activities every day of the week except Sunday. That only amounts to one, maximum two, per day, but was an improvement on previous weeks and months. I've made all planned appointments in a week before, but there have not been so many appointments in so many days consecutively. Many of you will know that, prior to about mid last year, I spent years very rarely leaving the flat. This was since the last of my breakdowns from paid employment in 2008 (one of so many similar breakdowns from paid working, though none as devastating in consequence as this last one). With each of these breakdowns, the recovery time got longer and longer. It's taken eight years to recover much at all this time around.

This week, so far, I've made none of my appointments or activities. In fact, I've not showered for days. Embarrassing to admit but maybe helpful to own up to it. As I write I'm still in what I wore to bed, as I was all day yesterday and the day before. The weird thing is that I don't feel that bad in my emotions, just crashed out physically and lacking almost all motivation except to use the computer. In other words, my mind and fingertips are alert and active, in fact nervy and overactive as usual, but the rest of me is crashed out. Perhaps I have entered what some people call a bipolar 'mixed state'. Whatever the terminology, this is where I am and I've been here so many times before.

The way I see it, there are a number of possible reasons for the way I am after last week:

  • inner conflict about how helpful my psychologist treatment is for me (saw her on Friday);
  • trying to further reduce my tobacco intake (the struggle seems disproportionately huge and exhausting);
  • needing recovery time from a big week (by my standards);
  • simply another manifestation of bipolar disorder in me.

Regarding the psychologist. She is young compared to me and I have the feeling that she may not grasp the full extent of my situation, partly through lack of life experience. Perhaps she may particularly lack an understanding of the various physical ailments that complicate things with me, some age-related (menopause, musculo-skeletal problems), one of them a chronic illness (crohns disease). She is treating me with some techniques from Dialectical Behavioural Therapy, something I honestly have never liked the sound of when I've read about it. The main 'homework' I have for this four week period is a sheet I am meant to fill out every night covering various things including tobacco use, coffee intake, isolating, unbalance eating, sleep patterns, lack of exercise. The sheet also includes sections monitoring mood every day. The problem I find is that monitoring and (by implication) tackling all these things at once is just overwhelming. I am significantly depressed after filling out the form because it seems to highlight all the ways I am failing rather than the ways I am succeeding. The psychologist has given me this sheet as homework once before and it had the same effect on me then. A full month long slump into depression is what followed. This sheet makes me feel very pressured to recover quickly from all of these things at once, a message that contradicts the advice of my psychiatrist (who I trust much more). His advice is to take it slowly and steadily and not feel rushed. As of yesterday, I stopped using the DBT form altogether. I am even considering giving up on the therapy with this psychologist after my next (sixth) session instead of seeing it through to the ten sessions my GP is willing to refer me for.

With the difficulty of further tobacco reduction, I am succeeding in reducing this a little more but the effort is gargantuan and seems to be sapping all the strength I have for making it out the door to my activities and appointments (or even to get dressed and showered). Writing here is just about the only thing that is distracting me from smoking again or thinking about it obsessively.

I've run out of steam on writing about it all now (a huge sigh of relief from any readers at this point).

I wonder if anyone else can make any sense of this.

27230 replies

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In response to: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Hi @Bunniekins and good morning @Mazarita I just had some mind-blowing news. My NDIS plan came through - only 3 days after the planning meeting!! I'll talk about it on the NDIS thread.

@Bunniekins I had a still-born son 22 years ago on Australia Day. Still feel grief about him after all these years - it's a hard day to miss. He was only 4 weeks earlier than my adult child was born and pulled through (albeit legally blind).

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Just responded with wild happy dances and air punches on the NDIS thread you started, @eth. Here now if you are around and feel like chatting. oxoxox

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Hi @CheerBear, really glad to hear you are trying to get into an art group and a womens group. They sound like they could be really good for you. How lovely seeing the hot air balloons this morning. I used to live on the 5th floor of a building on a hill. The hot air balloons would sail past in the distance fairly regularly in the early mornings, wonderful sight.

The pains in the head have been relieved by going back to bed - until 1.30pm! I went to bed before midnight last night so it's (another) very long sleep. Still here in my nightie and unbrushed hair. This combination of meds has me sleeping very well at night, but often a bit too long really. It is what it is for now. Great to hear your new med is helping you go 'lights out' at night until morning too. I hear you on maybe wanting a slightly better balance with things.

I wonder what you make of that dream I described with the old psychiatrist, the end of the world, and the gathering of fragments of life and self. I'm not that good at analysing my own dreams.

Hi @Exoplanet, I was bisexual in the past too, and loved love. I've often felt a bit in the borderland between female and male. Perhaps less so as I'm getting older. However, I've never been as amazingly resourceful as you at doing the traditionally 'male' tasks. How satisfying it must be to know that you were part of building your own house. You are an amazing woman (with a bit of male in there too perhaps). In fact, I think most of us are a bit of a mix. My general feeling is that there are more similarities than differences between female and male. We are all essentially human.

My close friend does not have a huge social circle at this point in her life, in terms of people visiting her. But in fact I've never known anyone with more friends scattered around the country, most who regularly want to talk to her on the phone. Some who even make almost pilgrimages to see her, just to see her. She is a psychic and also does readings for a large number of people over the phone, this is a good part of her income. She is an amazing woman too.

But, yes, it's pretty clear she does appreciate my visits. Her brother clearly likes me too (I was worried he might feel I was there too much). But he's always friendly and sometimes even stops his work from home to drive down and pick me up, or to drive me home. Part of where I contribute to their lives is that I help my friend with domestic tasks, something she has huge trouble with due to her health issues and chronic pain. I can also sometimes help motivate her, as she struggles with depression and motivation problems as well. I don't think I'm going to worry about it any more.

Hi @outlander, sorry you are struggling with someone leaving the forum. Take it gently as much as you can. Always good to get to chat here with you.

Hi @Bunniekins, I've had a head of many colours over the years, including auburn, black and mauve (that was a mistake, lol). These days it's blonde. Wonder what you are up to at this point of the day.

A good afternoon to all.

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

@Mazarita Well ... I am stuffing my face full of food before my son comes home ... as I didnt go for a walk this morning I am considering trying to talk him into having one this afternoon ... we will have to wait and see how that goes. I am trying to keep warm and have been giving our bunny treats today as he has been an exceptionally good bunny boy (no carpet chew-chew) ()_() = bunny ears 😛

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Hope you get your walk in, @Bunniekins, and that son enjoys it too. That cheeky bunny, glad he's been a good boy today.

I'm wondering what to do with myself before Star Trek: Next Gen starts at 4.30pm. I have music on so it's not so empty in here with just lil ole me. Have not ideas what to do. Still in my nightie and dressing gown, though I have now brushed my hair.

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Afternoon everyone ☺

@eth this is my face reading your NDIS news 😁 So great you have the support you need. What a different place you're in now to only a short time ago!

@Mazarita great to hear you're feeling relief from that pain. Hope the nightie afternoon is going well. I took a call from the person who runs the family violence group today and am booked in to start soon. Really happy with that ☺

Sorry to hear the car didn't work out for you @outlander. Car anything makes me shudder a bit! I'm hoping mine just keeps in keeping on for the rest of forever so I don't have to deal with it ever haha.

Hope the afternoon is going well for everyone.

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Thanks a lot @Mazarita and @CheerBear. Still feeling quite overwhelmed by the tasks ahead even tho' it's fantastic news. Looking forward to getting through the next phase to a time where everything has been put in place.

@Mazarita glad to hear your pain has diminished.

@CheerBear I did a course last year for women who'd experienced DV and CSA and it really helped me a lot. Hope yours is as good for you.

Also looking forward to some real time chat here.

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Can understand why you might be feeling overwhelmed @eth - it's a lot to take in and get used to I imagine.

I remember hearing a little about your course and how much you gained from it. This is a therapeutic kind of group thing with arty crafty stuff involved too. Hoping it's positive and helpful for me ☺

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

@Mazarita Sorry about the head pain. I hope it gets diagnosed properly.

@outlander You are sensitive and reach out so well to people. It can be hard when people come and go on the forum. @Teej is right about grieving the loss. Another way I manage it is a kind of detachment (that involves a grief process), but also an expectation that I am not clinging to the contacts here. That people really need to do what is best for them, and there all sorts of reasons for coming and going. We can only do our best with goodwill.

@Exoplanet Thank you for sharing all that. Wow. I went little bit that way, in being practical and doing what needed doing, but nowhere near as far as you. So impressed.

@eth SO happy about the NDIS finally coming through for you. It has been such a long journey.

We might have had different experiences regaarding gender issues. We talked a little about it way back. I am glad that homophobia is actively contested and that people have some choice, but I definitely feel I was bombarded. Maybe just difference social circles.

I am like Maz and Exoplanet and accepting of there being a mix of genders within all humans, explored further into the male than the female, but finally settling as more female now. As I had a higher identification with men, early in life, and told by a lesbian, who I had a brief affair with, that I could not face up to be a lesbian. I left it that we all might be a bit bi, and dont push too hard on others as they find their own way, but motherhood does leave a mark on us.

I felt so excluded by females at school, cringed at excessive girliness, then sought male company and there was plenty of gay activisim around me.

Mostly it was just that there was no dad and I was very tall, being told I looked like a drag queen when I wore high heels. In my own ethnicity I am not tall. It is serious enough an issue for me, that I had to go through a lot of expressions, anxiety and confusion about my sexuality, even as late as when I joined this forum. None of the huge array of experiences had ever really been raised or processed til now. It meant a great deal to me to be able to talk here with a wide range of women, including @PeppiPatty and @Faith-and-Hope about lots of different aspects of these questions.

@Bunniekins Best of luck getting that peahouse.

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

@Appleblossom

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