FORUMS

Connect with people who understand what you are going through, seek advice and surround yourself with support. We're free, anonymous, and professionally moderated 24/7.

  • 47,612Members
  • 1,358,869Posts
  • 1,400,000Visitors
Our stories

A long rave

A long rave

Edit Feb 2018: This thread has evolved into a chat thread, which is fine by me. In addition, I encourage other members to feel free to post their own 'long raves' in here too if wished. I will continue to post my own longer raves from time to time, as well as chat with friends along the way.

Original post from May 2016:

First of all, a (very) long post alert. Please don't feel obliged to read or respond. Mainly I am writing today to clear my own head of some things. So, here goes...

Last week, I managed to get to all planned appointments and activities every day of the week except Sunday. That only amounts to one, maximum two, per day, but was an improvement on previous weeks and months. I've made all planned appointments in a week before, but there have not been so many appointments in so many days consecutively. Many of you will know that, prior to about mid last year, I spent years very rarely leaving the flat. This was since the last of my breakdowns from paid employment in 2008 (one of so many similar breakdowns from paid working, though none as devastating in consequence as this last one). With each of these breakdowns, the recovery time got longer and longer. It's taken eight years to recover much at all this time around.

This week, so far, I've made none of my appointments or activities. In fact, I've not showered for days. Embarrassing to admit but maybe helpful to own up to it. As I write I'm still in what I wore to bed, as I was all day yesterday and the day before. The weird thing is that I don't feel that bad in my emotions, just crashed out physically and lacking almost all motivation except to use the computer. In other words, my mind and fingertips are alert and active, in fact nervy and overactive as usual, but the rest of me is crashed out. Perhaps I have entered what some people call a bipolar 'mixed state'. Whatever the terminology, this is where I am and I've been here so many times before.

The way I see it, there are a number of possible reasons for the way I am after last week:

  • inner conflict about how helpful my psychologist treatment is for me (saw her on Friday);
  • trying to further reduce my tobacco intake (the struggle seems disproportionately huge and exhausting);
  • needing recovery time from a big week (by my standards);
  • simply another manifestation of bipolar disorder in me.

Regarding the psychologist. She is young compared to me and I have the feeling that she may not grasp the full extent of my situation, partly through lack of life experience. Perhaps she may particularly lack an understanding of the various physical ailments that complicate things with me, some age-related (menopause, musculo-skeletal problems), one of them a chronic illness (crohns disease). She is treating me with some techniques from Dialectical Behavioural Therapy, something I honestly have never liked the sound of when I've read about it. The main 'homework' I have for this four week period is a sheet I am meant to fill out every night covering various things including tobacco use, coffee intake, isolating, unbalance eating, sleep patterns, lack of exercise. The sheet also includes sections monitoring mood every day. The problem I find is that monitoring and (by implication) tackling all these things at once is just overwhelming. I am significantly depressed after filling out the form because it seems to highlight all the ways I am failing rather than the ways I am succeeding. The psychologist has given me this sheet as homework once before and it had the same effect on me then. A full month long slump into depression is what followed. This sheet makes me feel very pressured to recover quickly from all of these things at once, a message that contradicts the advice of my psychiatrist (who I trust much more). His advice is to take it slowly and steadily and not feel rushed. As of yesterday, I stopped using the DBT form altogether. I am even considering giving up on the therapy with this psychologist after my next (sixth) session instead of seeing it through to the ten sessions my GP is willing to refer me for.

With the difficulty of further tobacco reduction, I am succeeding in reducing this a little more but the effort is gargantuan and seems to be sapping all the strength I have for making it out the door to my activities and appointments (or even to get dressed and showered). Writing here is just about the only thing that is distracting me from smoking again or thinking about it obsessively.

I've run out of steam on writing about it all now (a huge sigh of relief from any readers at this point).

I wonder if anyone else can make any sense of this.

27230 replies

11,091 - 11,100 of 27,230

In response to: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Hey there @Mazarita great to catch you. Today is a plan-free day - I'm due for one I reckon. Sil won't be back til this evening and bro flies out to Indo today for 3 weeks. So if I wan't a PJs day I can have one!

I think writing to the lady is a really good idea. Times like that I've had in the past I've sometimes told of other reasons e.g. health challenges I need to focus on (no details of what they are) rather than go direct with concerns I have about the other person. Not exactly white lies, but creative use of the truth - you get the picture.

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Hmmm, thanks for your response to the letter idea, @eth. I might first wait to see if she rings again. One of the reasons we have progressed so little to friendship over the past couple of years is that she herself suffers a lot of social anxiety. She may not even ring again, which would mean we could go back to occasionally bumping into each other on the street and giving each other a hug. That was when the acquaintanceship worked best as it did not have the intensity. I do care about this woman, even if I feel it's impossible for me to progress the friendship further now.

I'm still in pjs myself. I wonder if that's what you'll do today. Great that you've got the place to yourself for a change. How is it going with sil's mother?

I am hoping to get myself washed and dressed about 11.30 to go to art group. Aside from that, another empty day so far. A chance I might be able to visit my friend again. But I think maybe I've been visiting her too much. I've been there every second day for the past few months and it's usually me who initiates the contact. My friend is usually happy to see me though, and she is mostly in a better mood when I leave than when I arrived. Will have to ponder that more.

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Hope you get to art group this time @Mazarita It always seems you enjoy it and it picks you up a bit.

Sil's mum is lovely. So far she's brought about 6 of her friends to meet me (in 2 days)! A couple of times happened when I hadn't got out of my trakkies or done my hair - telling myself that if they judge me they're not someone for me to worry about, and that sil's mum will just have to accept me as I am. I'm not up for creating a facade for her.

In response to: A long rave

Re: A long rave

@Mazarita@eth@Exoplanet@outlander@The-red-centaur and everyone wishing your all a fabulous Wednesday. Am about to go out and do some gardening or not .... might vacuum son2's room or not ... anyway just wanted to wish everying a really great day. Love greenpea xxx

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

PS @Mazarita re visiting your long-time friend - if it's the one you helped when they were house-hunting it seems to me it shouldn't be a problem that you go there a fair bit. But on the other hand you could test the waters by not going for a few days and see if she initiates contact.

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Hi @Bunniekins I might do some washing - or not! And wash dishes - or not! Hope today is starting well for you.

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Morning everyone @Mazarita@Mazarita@Bunniekins@Exoplanet@PeppiPatty@Sophia1@eth@Faith-and-Hope @Appleblossom and everyone

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

@Bunniekins, dig your 'or not' addition to each of your 'possible' plans, hehe. Hope your day is great as well! ox

@eth, so awesome that sil's mother is lovely. I admire your attitude to being seen at less than optimum. I tend to be very scared of that and don't answer the door. In case I have to (a fire or something, lol), I have a ready excuse if I'm still in my pajamas at some odd time of day: 'I'm not well today'. So far it hasn't happened in the past four years of living here. Helps that it is a security building so spontaneous visitors have to ring the security buzzer and I usually don't answer. I discourage spontaneous visits, or ask that people text me in advance.

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

Hello @outlander @Mazarita @eth @Bunniekins @The-red-centaur

In response to: Re: A long rave

Re: A long rave

@Mazarita I can't get away with not responding - my cabin is all glass down the side that faces the gate she comes to. It would be nice not to answer the door but if I keep the curtains and doors shut too long in the morning they check to see if I'm ok. The con in all the pros of living here.

Hi @outlander and @Exoplanet hope today is ok for you both.

11,091 - 11,100 of 27,230