Son2

Hi everyone something happened last night with son2. It has been coming for awhile and no one is surprised least of all me as I have been makint excuses for months now .... one of his voices threatened me in a very violent way. Luckily he could talk the voice down and my daughter was here but nonetheless it has made me realise that son2 will have to go to a group home in the near future.

He is too big for me to handle when he gets out of control angry and the voices are at him. It just makes me sad that I will never be able to fix him. He will always have these nasty voices at him regardless of medications. He will never be totally free and will always be paranoid and thinking his family are out to get him.

It is so unfair. I could kid myself when he was younger that I could fix his problems. But it is impossible. I can't make it better and being a mum you are meant to be able to fix things for your children and I cannot. I feel a total failure...

It just hurts so much. Thinking bad thoughts tonight. Bad thoughts are surrounding me. Life shouldnt hold so much pain.