Son2

@Bunniekins oh i am so sorry you are going through this. You need to look after you as well and it is really hard because we humans have a tendancy to think we can do anything once we find out how, which can be great but it can also place a huge amount of guilt onto people who are unable to fix a problem. I hope you can find a way through the feelings you are having at the moment sometimes it takes a while to process such big things. when it comes to health we can only do so much and the rest is not up to us. it is hard to see a loved one suffer with something they cannot get rid of but having family members with serious health issues myself I have realised that fixing it isnt the most important thing all anyone wants from their family even their parents is just for them to be there and as long as you are there for him you will be doing everything a mum could do. when we are little and scrape out knees we don't go to our mum to get rid of the graze we go to them for a hug because we just want someone to be there with us in the moment. you have done all you can and you are a good mum dont forget that and i hope you can get some rest tonight cause it sounds like you need it.

@Bunniekins hey beautiful pea, si sorry to hear your heart break. You have done so well to keep him for such a long time. It's probably the best solution long term for him. That way, you can have time to look after yourself and daughter better. Son two can have professional help full time plus special timed with you when visit.

Mentally he may find it more formal boundaries at group home than at real home. That's probably better for his mind to comprehen at his age. You can also have more enjoyable time with him when visit. So probably best move for his MH as well.

Hope you get good rest and feel better tomorrow.

@outlander Hey outlander no I dont have anything to distract me from doing something so dark . I feel so much guilt over having to put him into care as I have made promises to him that I never would and here I am going back on those promises.Plus there are things that he wants to do which are part of his psychosis which now of course will never happen because he will be in care.

It pulls at my heart strings. Even tonight as I was getting him ready for bed he said some things that were fantastical. My son is insane and even with his medications he still hears voices. They never leave him alone. 😞

@Former-Member Hi Whitehawk thank you for your care and attention. I cannot help it I am afraid tonight. I want to take me and my son2 to a safe place. But there is no safe place from this. Everyone wants him in care except me.

@Meowmy Hey Meowmy your pea wants hugs and hugs. I know it is best for me and daughter, particularly my daughter. It is a decision which is weighing heavily upon me and it is the guilt of not doing more for him which is crushing.He was so apologetic the next morning after the incident. There are no winners in this 😞

@Eden1919 Hey Eden1919 who is so caring and intelligent:). You are right of course. Everything you say is right and yet my emotions cannot process it fuly right now .... I will go back to bed as I feel exhausted. Thank you my friend. Love pea

@Bunniekins It is really confronting to admit to oneself ... we might be afraid of a child.

Think you are making the hard call but the best call for long term managing of son2. It would be so heartbreaking, but may give him a broader social experience and stability.

Hugs pea ... dont let the negative voice in your own head get any traction ...

We keep trying

@Bunniekins lots of hugs. But you are also what is in his best interest. It is amazing you kept him for so long. He would be better of in care where there are more strict rules. That his mental status will respond to. Also there would be more people around that he will learn his position.And they have lots of activities.. Better for him.I am sure. You can still visit and spoil him. He will miss you a bit in the beginning but he will learn to be in the world. Better for him and his mental state

@Appleblossom Hey Appleblossom you are always spot on and your words particularly 'give him a broader social experience and stability.' help alot because of course they are right. He needs this and I and daughter need this but it will hurt and he may never forgive me.I will try and keep that negative voice at bay though xx

@Meowmy You are right Meowmy :). Just keep telling me your wise words Meowmy so my negative voices dont take over and leave me in doubt. Thank you for your care. You are indeed a good friend who the pea values highly.xxx