Funny Quotes & Jokes - Fun Stuff

Hospitality: making your guests feel like they're at home, even if you wish they were.

I like work. It fascinates me. I sit and look at it for hours.

I always take life with a grain of salt, ...plus a slice of lemon, ...and a shot of tequila.

My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right.

I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.

You're never too old to learn something stupid.

When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.

With sufficient thrust, pigs fly just fine.

To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.

A bargain is something you don't need at a price you can't resist.