Hospital or not??

As some of you already know I am struggling quite a bit with financial stress and work stress. Add that to my already depression, anxiety and BPD and no family support - I am a mess.

I was just thinking - do I speak to my psych to admit me into hosptial for a 'break from this crazy mind of mine' or do I try to beat this crap life.

But then I thought - because of no money, waiting pay to pay (i am so embarrassed to say this) I hate living like this. Problem is if I do go to hospital i will have to have a week off work which means 4 days of no pay. Which then means we will be worse off again. This is a vicious cylce; no wonder why my head is in overdrive.

I don't know what to do? I feel so stuck with what to do. i feel so alone with these thoughts. Dann everyone in my life that has caused this. That's the past but i still get angry. i can't change the past, damn i wish i could.

I just wish i could see my dad and have his help or at least a hug 😞 (now i am crying) i feel so stuck and alone in my dark deep hole