Sleeping too much

Ramble on @Former-Member ..... you're not putting none off here .... ❣

Its good for you to talk, and it's good for us to hear about your girl ❣ As you said .... she matters .....

So glad you have made this sort of progress, and even if they don't say it, you know how alone in their grief other parents are feeling when they too have lost a child ..... and you are there for them ..... they probably can't tell you in this moment how much that means .... but, God willing, they will reach that point some day ..... and then there will be other "TAWNEY's" loose in your community .... being compassionate towards others and making that CF group into what it is really supposed to be ....

You go, girrrrl ❣

Keep reaching out @Former-Member. There are people in your community who need you, some who don't know it yet, and others need some ice to melt in their life view before they can start to see you properly.

Lead with love .... as you do ....

❤️🌹

Hi @Former-Member

I am wondering how I feel today - I went to sleep in one chair with my feet up on the other one watching TV last night - and got up and had my medication and went to bed around 6.00am and slept until about an hour ago and wonder if I have recovered with all that sleep

Let's hope so - I am not naturally lazy even though I do take time out with my back - this time - it's not my back - but I felt really ill yesterday - drank water, had soup, cancelled my hair dressers appointment and spoke to dd on the phone - she has had a bug too and my gd - so I think it's going around

I have been to those meetings too - I left years ago - I forget why - I was a volunteer there for sometime and I used to write the cards for the anniversaries and I write - that's what I do - and I would always spend some time thinking about what to write and felt my guts twist when I received one myself - not what I would have written at all

I feel really sad about all of it - and like you I know the terrible depth of all the stories - and it seems that something different has to happen - eg - how can a group of bereaved parents help each other if they can only see each other once a month and not talk in between meetings?-

It's good that you have posted this @Former-Member - my own life has moved on - I can't go to those meetings anymore -

And about MI issues - ah - I do not understand what mental illness is really - but I am sensy about all issues dealing with our inablity to face the world or cope with life alone - grief, anxiety, depression, PTSD and think all bereaved parents must have these disorders in one for or another

And I hope that this could improve - not have someone look at with suspicion - after all - you are grieving and that is universal and hard to deal with -

Decadian

It has taken me ages to write this - I wrote so much more but deleted it - I hope this much is okay

Hi @Former-Member

It sounds like they're struggling a bit in the CF group to work out how it "ought" to be operating. It probably needs a gentle assortment of approaches to get things together a little more ....

Can you take it in turns to bring something for morning tea, perhaps two at a time, so if one doesn't show up or forgets to bring, then at least there is something ... ? Perhaps a packet of bisuits can be left in the car, so if there's no morning tea, you can go and get them. It might catch on, so everyone is coming with that spare packet of biscuits ....

Of course it's not about cake and biscuits, but I am guessing that these are signs of hospitality, and props to focus attention on when the emotions are difficult, and a comfort.

You are so good to manage the emotional clumsiness of the leader.

Can you offer to be a bit of a secretary group ? Perhaps you can use one of those plastic sleeve thingies to create a "welcome kit" for new members, with all the relevant documents and info sheets in it, and contact numbers, suggesting that everybody offer up their numbers, with the usual sort of proviso eg that numbers are not passed on without permission, are used to relay info primarily, privacy respected, etc. It's these things that begin to develop a sense of community amongst the members.

Can you contact the providers of the CF newsletter and suggest that a warning is given above the most gut-wrenching stories, like on the news websites, that say something like "warning - potentially triggering content".

BTW - I was raised op-shopping .... but it was a foreign concept to WH's family .... so not so much on my radar now .... but I do like taking the kids outlet shopping during holidays, searching out bargains there and showing them how to make money go further ...

💜🌷

Hi @Former-Member 😊

Yeah, I'm okay ....

Just woke up from having dozed off for a while .... 😏 .... but I am short on sleep so should probably go to sleep properly now.

I get what you're saying about the CF leader. It's probably part of her identity now, but it's not what is best for the role itself .... difficult .... especially in a rural region. The change will need to happen naturally rather than forced. Have to wait and see what happens, but it doesn't stop individual members forming friendships amongst themselves and actually being compassionate ....

You might need to go more often and grow on them @Former-Member .... 😊 .... see if you've got the patience for that.

G'night 💕💤

Oh I love op shopping ... but ggrrr it has to fit into my house ... and so ... my wardrobe is full and I dont believe in the 2 year or 6 year rule ...so I have stayed and only shopped once in the last 2 years .. oops not counting a little online extravagance ... but NOW thats outta my system ... trying to fill my time with things that keep me away from malls ...

its weird about group dynamics .. I have often stayed when something wasnt really working and sometimes we can make a difference and sometimes you are right the whole thing needs rejig

I went to CF once ... my sister brought me ... it was ok but I thought it better to leave it for her.. also on wrong side of town.

I had a bad start this morning lots SI ... but productive day ... so we will see what tomorrow brings.

Its really nice to think that I can log back onto the forum and get some feedback ...

I hope the weekend treats you all well.

@Appleblossom

❤️🌹💗🌷💕🌸💐

Aw @Former-Member

It does sound like the blind leading the blind - but then to continue the story - my own interpretation - perhaps the blind are happier in the ditch they all fall into - I don't know

One part of me is really sad CF is this way - I knew the woman who was manager for years - I would go over to the centre often - there seemed to be a lot happening then - and I went to other meetings - but sadly - this is really falling apart

But I thought about it - I can never go back - the day I joined this Forum I spoke to someone at CF and 30 years on is different - the back story is so far in the past - the journey has been long and gone it's own way - and still I feel the need to talk about it - but oddly - with Life Line - not with other bereaved parents -

And there are times when I recall hearing the stories or reading the stories - my heart would beat so loud I was sure other people could hear it - but then - their hearts were thumping too I guess

I really think that I should not and cannot tell my story to a newly bereaved parent - not the details - or the time - what - after 30 years and it's still so painful - yes - it is - but it's also different

It is so sad that the people are not there for you @Former-Member - or for each other - I am wondering why not yet I think I have already covered that - people are fragile and delicate - and the new state of their altered lives and the different things that have to be attended to would be overwhelming - how did that happen? Where did that go? What is next? What - 30 years? Can anyone last 30 years?

A part of me is grieving for something that did give me support - but the manager at the time when I was a regular there did have things running well - it was her gift I guess - she was there a lot of the time -

I had better stop this - I have really picked up on what your have written and I feel terrible about that

Decadian