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Sleeping too much
8691 replies
In response to: Sleeping too much
Unknown userMember
Re: Sleeping too much
Wow, that's beautiful @Faith-and-Hope. Haven't had much luck growing lavender here but tried many times. Great idea.
You know, the images of all these gossiping 'christian' ladies yesterday, that knew my little family well, but couldn't find the time or energy for me that horrible couple of years, I don't understand when its preached over the pulpit every sunday. Think it surfaces some serious anger (BPD abandonment issues) and unforgiveness within me. HOW DO WE FORGIVE THAT! Or forget it, accept to realise I probably just as ignorant with others when I don't want to know or can't handle it. Maybe it was more about my great empty bottomless pit silently screaming and hoping soneone will notice, and push past my defenses and MI and show love (more than once!!!). Yes TAB, people aren't mind readers, but they were my spiritual family, my children bran smiles running up and down the church isles & helping me with the music, I cummuned and prayed with these people, my girls funeral was in their church UC, I haven't been back since. They are blind to being small town minded, clicky, decisive & closed. I so wanted someone to drop in regular just to pray with me. A couple from other church did once, but they don't come back which fuels the rejection. I hide away so I don't have to feel that anymore.
My son initiated a tx this morning asking for remedies for the flu, poor dear. Wish I was close and could drop in a garlic infused bolognaise meal for him. Live him so much 🙂
You know, the images of all these gossiping 'christian' ladies yesterday, that knew my little family well, but couldn't find the time or energy for me that horrible couple of years, I don't understand when its preached over the pulpit every sunday. Think it surfaces some serious anger (BPD abandonment issues) and unforgiveness within me. HOW DO WE FORGIVE THAT! Or forget it, accept to realise I probably just as ignorant with others when I don't want to know or can't handle it. Maybe it was more about my great empty bottomless pit silently screaming and hoping soneone will notice, and push past my defenses and MI and show love (more than once!!!). Yes TAB, people aren't mind readers, but they were my spiritual family, my children bran smiles running up and down the church isles & helping me with the music, I cummuned and prayed with these people, my girls funeral was in their church UC, I haven't been back since. They are blind to being small town minded, clicky, decisive & closed. I so wanted someone to drop in regular just to pray with me. A couple from other church did once, but they don't come back which fuels the rejection. I hide away so I don't have to feel that anymore.
My son initiated a tx this morning asking for remedies for the flu, poor dear. Wish I was close and could drop in a garlic infused bolognaise meal for him. Live him so much 🙂
In response to: Sleeping too much
Unknown userMember
Re: Sleeping too much
think maybe its the grief thing resurfacing, just gotta cry it out I guess, insulate, yes - go for a walk
Just so be y tired of it all
Just so be y tired of it all
In response to: Sleeping too much
Unknown userMember
Re: Sleeping too much
do you get like this @Appleblossom re grief triggers, dealing with people
In response to: Re: Sleeping too much
Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor
Re: Sleeping too much
Yeah .... that's really tough @Former-Member .... their faith principle scream that they ought to have walked with you .... at a bit of a distance if you were thorny with grief .... but within coo-ee none-the-less ..... whatever their excuses and discomfort, they seriously let you down .... and there was a whole community team of them, for goodness sake ....
Sorry, but I am really angry on your behalf ..... that was really cruel, no matter how they try to excuse it .... and despite all the grief and loneliness and utter disappointment @Former-Member .... you have kept the higher moral ground .... feeding your own soul and reaching out to others in need despite your own .... I hope they were cringing a bit with their own embarrassment when they saw you.
Yeah ... people can't read minds .... and yeah .... they've got their own :pile_of_poo: going on or going down or whatever .... but as you said, you were a solid member of their community and actively involved in the musical worship .... how does that just drop into invisibility with the loss of your precious girl ... ??!!
Unbelieveable .... really .... 😡
So .... ❣
Met them at the gate .... walked with integrity through that day .... shake the dust off your sandals until (maybe) doing it again next year ..... and what's on for @Former-Member this week ?
Has the weather cooled enough for at least some short walks again ?
Got some soup happening yet ?
Was thinking about having Mexican tonight, but S2 and D3 are ditching D2 and me to go out with D1 and SIL (great for all of them !!) so I was starting to change my mind .... but now I think I will make a big batch of salsa, buy in a storm of corn chips, cut up a storm of salad, and let it all carry us across the next 2-3 days .....
Sounds like a plan ❣
In response to: Re: Sleeping too much
Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor
Re: Sleeping too much
And so glad your son made contact @Former-Member ..... ❣.
He will be really appreciating the space you are giving him. There is healthy space and unhealthy space .... this sort of space makes the relationship stronger, not weaker as you feared ....
Send him the recipe for the garlicky Bolognaise ..... keep it simple, mind .....then he will be contacting you to check whether he is preparing it properly, and how long to cook the pasta for, and how to check that it's ready .... etc .... more opportunity for light communication (communion) ....
Btw ..... tell him the spaghetti is ready when you can throw a strand of it against the splash-back behind the stove top, and it sticks to the wall .... he will love that .... it's a real guy sorta thing .... 🤗
In response to: Sleeping too much
Unknown userMember
Re: Sleeping too much
Thanks so much @Faith-and-Hope, means so much to me me that someone 'gets' it instead of putting more on me saying "but you... and you... " etc just making it worse. You 'get' it and you know, I think it grieves the Holy Spirit. These people drive past my house to each other, I live in the same block as the church, same street as 2 other churches, and the school. I hear the rush of traffic every day, their cars driving by just before the loud school bell in the morning and after in the arvo. They know where I am. Some have said they visited & nobody answered, but I say a note in the letterbox would have been nice to find then. The thing is, i've concluded from that, is, if they did in fact try - they weren't really interested in me but appearances, and saying 'I went' ha, what a joke.
Thank you for picking up, I don't feel so 'crazy' and alone now.
Thank you for picking up, I don't feel so 'crazy' and alone now.
In response to: Sleeping too much
Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor
Re: Sleeping too much
You're a :peach: @Former-Member .....
Just you keep showing them how it's done !!
And maybe one day you will be the instigator of a grief-counselling guest-speaker type seninar within your community somewhere .... and can send the various churches an invitation to attend ..... as it ought to be part of their pastoral care program hopefully they will be obliged (guilted) to attend .... and actually learn something, feel something, come to terms with how they were just not there for you .....
That's one way of turning lemons into lemonade @Former-Member ..... take the pain and make it count for something ..... turn it into a powerful good that overwrites what was done wrong .....
❤️💕🌷💐🌺💗💋❣
Just you keep showing them how it's done !!
And maybe one day you will be the instigator of a grief-counselling guest-speaker type seninar within your community somewhere .... and can send the various churches an invitation to attend ..... as it ought to be part of their pastoral care program hopefully they will be obliged (guilted) to attend .... and actually learn something, feel something, come to terms with how they were just not there for you .....
That's one way of turning lemons into lemonade @Former-Member ..... take the pain and make it count for something ..... turn it into a powerful good that overwrites what was done wrong .....
❤️💕🌷💐🌺💗💋❣
In response to: Sleeping too much
Unknown userMember
Re: Sleeping too much
The Compassionate Friends in the city (where I went) has stepped down and so our country CF service no longer exists. It as as only monthly anyway with a 3month Christmas break (what a joke) and members were discouraged from exchanging ph numbers (how ridiculous is that!) and the gatherings were only coffee, rarely anything about grief discussed. I don't even know all there individual stories (x8) after 6yrs, being new kid on the block doesn't help - what would I know? And my social phobia always got in the way. Anyway, she stepped down, I pray someone else will do it better down the track. I can't do those things without a support network myself - just fall on my face and let people down, bit wiser now. @Owlunar might have some insights here. Maybe SANE can help 'The Compassionate Friends' Australia upgrade their online services to include a forum like this @saneforums, Its relevant as so many people self harm and suicide in the throws of grief.
So nope, don't tell me to be a 'leader' without support (they only complain and crucify you), leaders need a SOLID base (with faith). I can't do life alone anymore let alone try to convince people I have something to offer them. I've messed up and they know it! And I crash too often. I need pravtical love and nobody seems to have much to spare.
What on earth am I babbling about
Just gotta laugh at myself, the posty just delivered a letter - I'm too scared to go get it in case its another fine (bill), yep, its all too much lol
Gotta go have cuppa. Thanks for reading.
Oh, @Faith-and-Hope, suggested the spaghetti splash thing to my son. This was his reply: "I don't make a habit of throwing food. I'm not making the spaghetti. I am having honey tea though"
So nope, don't tell me to be a 'leader' without support (they only complain and crucify you), leaders need a SOLID base (with faith). I can't do life alone anymore let alone try to convince people I have something to offer them. I've messed up and they know it! And I crash too often. I need pravtical love and nobody seems to have much to spare.
What on earth am I babbling about
Just gotta laugh at myself, the posty just delivered a letter - I'm too scared to go get it in case its another fine (bill), yep, its all too much lol
Gotta go have cuppa. Thanks for reading.
Oh, @Faith-and-Hope, suggested the spaghetti splash thing to my son. This was his reply: "I don't make a habit of throwing food. I'm not making the spaghetti. I am having honey tea though"
In response to: Sleeping too much
Unknown userMember
Re: Sleeping too much
Sorry if I'm not receptive today
In response to: Sleeping too much
Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor
Re: Sleeping too much
Oh @Former-Member .... I didn't mean in your own .... I meant through your church or Compassionate Friends or something, but neither are an option at the moment obviously ..... and yes, you would certainly need a community of support .....
You can mention to your boy that he doesn't have to throw the spaghetti .... that was a bit tongue in cheek .... 😜 .... he can just drop it onto a plate, and tip the plate to see whether it is sticking to the surface ..... but if he's not going to be cooking spaghetti it doesn't matter .... if ever he does he now knows how to check that it's ready ....
❤️💕
You can mention to your boy that he doesn't have to throw the spaghetti .... that was a bit tongue in cheek .... 😜 .... he can just drop it onto a plate, and tip the plate to see whether it is sticking to the surface ..... but if he's not going to be cooking spaghetti it doesn't matter .... if ever he does he now knows how to check that it's ready ....
❤️💕
