Sleeping too much

In offering alternate possible scenarios re someones perception of their partners 'mi' or otherwise 'status' I seem to have ruffled someone else's feathers.They have their own take on reality, think its their turf etc ..I can deal with that.

Hey @Former-Member .... there you are .... ❣

Had to get back into the recent posts to pick up your new avatar .... very cheerful !! 🌷💜

Do you have a window-box ?

Thanks for the commentary ....

Talk with D1 went well ... thank God WH's analytical mind is still in a good place ... and in that place he often engages empathy and values .... so there was no stand-off with FSIL this time .... whew :face_with_rolling_eyes: ..... and FSIL got another glimpse of the WH he hasn't met yet .... the one who started changing 5 years ago .... to how he is in the here and now ....

The rest of us including DIL at least have that to fall back on when he's at his worst .... 💙

FSIL has only experience the e.d. WH. 😔

WH made moves to separate last year when we went to the gp and I "outed" him to some degree .... extremely difficult when he's sitting right there and I'm talking about him as if he's not present .... but it was the only way by law that I could get the gp to see past the facade .... 😔

Now of course the gp can see the impact on the two youngest in particular ... but without a diagnosis registered yet, I'm still battling this in-house on my own .... well D1 is helping a lot, but the pressures are very intense on her young shoulders as well .... and the gp is trying to give structure .... working with the school counsellor .... ✅

WH's "separation" was a hostile act though .... and what we are faced with is a "s*ash and bu*n" reaction to having his life taken out from under him .... as he sees it .... if anything, including or perhaps especially me, instigates it. His state of mind wants it all .... the family life plus his "successful transformation" .... in fact ideally he would like to see us all on his regimen, like clones .... and he is hostile at any form of opposition.

I am passive-resistive ... that is the only thing that's working, and WH is annoyed, but not actively hostile .... ✅

Its either find a way to work with it, or leave it.

Leaving is one option, but it is unlikely anything would be left standing in the wake of that action, and the rest of us would be badly scarred in the process .... not only that, but when he does receive treatment, there would be little that could be pieced back together afterwards. All our relationships would either go down or be severely damaged. It's not just my impression .... it's clear to all of us .... there is a vindictiveness present, at the moment still with a filter on it.

What we are walking with now is nothing compared to the potential of that .... and the wedding would be the first casualty .... 😔

Trying to preserve a future here. D3 and everyone else has committed to the dysfunctional home ahead of the broken home.

Yes, seeing someone for support to keep walking with this..... yes, taking the best care of me and the kids as a priority over WH .... but he has noticed and considers us selfish, absent, uncaring .... ironic !!

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@TAWNEY wrote:
don't know what you mean @TAB,
And by the way, stop picking on @Faith-and-Hope, gosh... its not funny. ...

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Thanks @Former-Member ... but I also understand that it's a difficult condition to understand .... it's been a steep learning curve .... and sometimes we don't learn about these things till we're experiencing them ourselves ....

The condition actually diagnoses itself .... there's no mistaking what it is ... and as soon as it was outed to the gp he could see it .... "hiding in plain sight" as it were ....

His family are seeing it now .... and very worried.

If it's not life-threatening yet, it will be .... but the necessary testing can only be undertaken voluntarily ... which means the person themselves achieving that state of awareness ... or involuntarily if / when something goes very seriously wrong ....

Have support services standing by us as best they can for the moment .... thankful for that.

Might head to bed .... catch you for coffee in the morning ...

🌷💜💕

@Faith-and-Hope I lived separated under the same roof for a year before I moved out ... maintained all the usual jobs & roles re house, food & 3 children but slept in lounge room ... it helped me get my head together and some physical space... things werent really that different in that year than previously.

I do hope your situation works out ... I battled on in hope for a long time .. making all the excuses for why it was not working in my head ... my brother said I was living a lie ... and I was shocked and did not really understand what he meant. No we wre not happy but I had never been raised with Hollywood images .. my mother was hardline catholic and I just believed marriage is hard yakka and I had to try harder.. it was all about overcoming my pain or feelings of disappointment for me & reaching out ... but my husband did not love me and I certainly lost affection and cheerfulness in his company (as well as health). I thought I would never regain my old self .. but very slowly it has come back.

There is an idea that people dont usually arc and grow voluntarily ... ie they need a pressure situation to pre-empt it. Childbirth is the usual impetus for women. I wish men would not blame women for the growing up that BOTH sexes need to do just to deal with life pressures. It aint that comfortable for us & we are really not the enemy.

For a while I thought my real job was to stay in the marriage regardless of how I felt (it was never good & felt like running away with my first girl .. but legally knew I had no right to do that) .. so I tried the to death & all that .. but eventually the CAT team suggested otherwise .. even religious authorities could see it wasnt working and told me to apply for an annulment ... it had nothing to do with living a lie or being authentic ... I actually felt authentic in the marriage and out of it ... but a lot healthier out of it. Not so much struggle against myself or dealing with constant hostility.

It is sad that men get so disenfranchised from family ... I still believe the only way to live is to seek out decent or good options rather than giving in to cynicism and no hope ,,, so in that way I probably have always had faith & hope .. I just did not have it for me ... based on trust and feeling loved or supported ...

Not sure where it is going for you in the long run ... but listening ... learning ... and rambling ... sorry.

Hi @Decadian

Yesterday saw a conflict of interest between WH's regimen and D3's need for help with a school assignment, critical to her passing the unti and achieving graduation.

WH is perfectly capable of managing that meal prep for himself, but the illness means he has a need for me to do it - part of the control issues - needing to feel he is the most important or something ....

If he was well .... when he was well .... he would not have dreamed of creating or upholding the conflict of interest .... his focus would have been on supporting his daughter.

She knew that.

It only came to the point of conflict cos wedding prep with D1 in the morning had taken longer than expected, and specific ingredients that have to be shopped for first are not readily available in our area. I hadn't covered all the bases the day before to make sure they were in place for this day, as I usually do, to steer us out of this territory. It was a dropped ball, my dropped ball.

Instead of understanding and compassion, she copped a full-on dummy-spit from him, when she's trying to hold it together and get the work done to graduate.

It's the full incongruity of it ....

... where has he gone ? ... why can't he see what he's doing ? .... am I worth so little now ? ... what has happened to the dad who loved me ? .... how can the same meal he has every day, that he could prepare for himself, take precedence over everything and everyone else ? ... why are we accommodating this ?

Its a question we all have to answer .... do you leave someone when they are clearly ill ? Would we leave him if it were cancer doing this to his cognitive function ? or diabetes ? or epilepsy ? or ... or ... or ... ?

And it's all the fear of the unknown .... not having a crystal ball to be able to see how far there is to go, and what form a crash could take, and whether it can and will happen in the middle of wedding celebrations, or her graduation, or when we're away (planning overseas trip) ....

Do you step back and let it all fold in on itself, or keep swimming ... ? Each of us have to make that choice as individuals to be able to work together as a team, no matter which way it goes, and if it folds, it is powerful enough to take down the wedding, graduation, of course the overseas trip which becomes not even important ... but it means we are bringing on the full crisis by choice, and sacrificing big life-changing events to that.

The labels are only purposeful for understanding the condition and having some idea about how to co-exist with it, if that's what we choose to do.

EDNOS fits, except recent changes appear to have taken c / s out of the symptoms list. BPAN seems to fit except he is weighing himself several times a day and sticking rigidly to a number on the scales that is at the low end of normal .... and being outside the range is a critical symptom to diagnose AN. Might be atypical BN .... but c / s is not registering as a symptom on lists despite the nature of the behaviour. It will take a specialist to put together where it fits within the labels, and the label will dictate the recovery approach.

At the point of diagnosis family counselling will be available to us.

Tried psychologist support for D3 a few weeks ago, but that sent her wonkier and would have taken out her ability to reach graduation this year. She made the call to stop the appointments.

D3 settled down after the walk. Have to see what today brings re the incompleted assignment. She got her fingers badly jammed in a door after the WH dummy spit, which stopped the assignment, It was photography and had to happen in daylight ....

Hi @Faith-and-Hope

Thanks for filling us in on your story - to me - you do not come across as "holier than anyone" - certainly not me - you are incredibly understanding of WH and his MI - and I could never be as tolerant - son never had a dx - but I learned tough love - and used that on LH as well - and I get stuck when WH could prepared a meal but needs to have you do it - and you have so much to do

So I am on this learning curve as well - and so sorry that D3 got caught in the major dummy spit - this must be so hard on her - and she is pushing ahead herself -

But I am just glad I do not have to judge other people - I have never even been on a jury - there is always more to the story than is ever seen

Thinking of you and your faith and hope and having faith enough and hope enough myself to know these two can work wonders

But you in one hell of a situation

Decadian